Okay, now focus.
Bruno. I’m closer to you every second.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
BRUNO
Why doesn’t she pick up the goddamned phone?
I’ve called her a thousand times already! I even tried different numbers, and she simply won’t pick up!
Something is not right. I can feel it in my gut. Carter confirmed it. He sucks at lying. He thinks I’m fooled; he has no idea how well I know him. Yeah, something is definitely not right, and I am sure as hell it involves her.
Maybe my prediction has finally come true. Maybe she found someone, and he doesn’t want to tell me.
Or maybe she was in an accident.
Fuck!
I can’t stop thinking about it, pacing the room. I need to know.
I hate uncertainty, it’s like an itch on the back of my head that I desperately need to scratch.
I need to be with her badly. I can’t bear the thought of something bad happening to her when I am not there to help her.
I have many enemies, but the worse by far is my own mind, bombarding me with questions that put my sanity on the line.
What does she think of me?
Does she feel I’ve abandoned her like the asshole husband who leaves his wife because he had enough of her?
Was it too cruel of me, to leave by saying goodbye in a damn letter?
A bigger and hurtful question: is she even thinking about me?
Shit.
Perhaps someday, if everything goes well, I can get on my knees and explain everything. Maybe if I beg she will understand why I did it and forgive me.
Who am I kidding?
She won’t forgive me. I wouldn’t!
My subconscious is right, I’m being too negative. My actions require no explanation, but that doesn’t mean I had to leave like I did. I was a selfish bastard. I wasn’t able to put myself in her shoes. I’ll never forgive myself for that.
I broke her body and shattered her mind. Then put it all back together only to fuck it up again.
Do I have a right to claim her back? No. None. Zip. Nada.
I have a parking spot reserved in hell. The sign on it readsReserved for the biggest asshole, I’m sure of it.
A fiend, that’s what I am.
I’m secretly praying to a faceless God I don’t believe in, so that the woman I love doesn’t fall in love with another man.
I’m a selfish devil.
What if it’s already too late? Maybe one of my initial thoughts is right. Carter is trying to hide the cold, hard fact from me, that she’s moved on just like I told her to. I just didn’t think I’d feel this urge to kill this imaginary unknown guy in her life or at least rough him up a little.
