My phone buzzes in my bag, and I pull it out, desperately needing the distraction. The vibration was just an Instagram notification. That isn’t enough to wash away the humiliation I feel.
That is until I see a notification from my banking app. Gianna must have been out last night, because there's another charge from Uber at one in the morning. I didn't notice it before I got ready for practice this morning.
Of course she was out last night. It was a Thursday, and she's in college. She was likely out dancing somewhere, laughing with her friends, living the kind of life I stopped living a decade ago.
My mind wanders to what it would be like to see her dance again. To watch her hips sway to the music in some tight dress. To see her get lost in a song.
“Fuck,” I whisper, dragging my hands over my face. I'm such a dirty old man. I'm sitting alone in this locker room thinking about a woman I can't have. It's a new level of pathetic for me.
“You good?” I look up when a voice interrupts my inner self loathing. Holden's standing in the entrance to our locker room, still in his gear with his helmet tucked under his arm.
“I'm fine,” I wave him off.
“Bullshit,” he snaps, walking over to sit down beside me. "You've been off your game for weeks. For months even."
I don't say anything. I don't look at him. Shame of the truth washes over me.
“Look, I don't know what's going on,” Holden sighs. “And, you don't have to tell me, but we need you, man. This is it. This is our shot. This is yourlastshot.”
“I know that.”
“So, what's the problem?”
I consider lying to him, but Holden has been my teammate for damn near a decade. He's been my friend for even longer than that. He'll see right through it, through me, through all my bullshit.
“I met someone,” I whisper, finally meeting his face.
Holden raises an eyebrow. “You did? Shouldn't that be a good thing? When I met Angelina, I was performing better than ever before.”
“She's twenty-two…” I let the admission hang between us.
He lets out a whistling sound as he stands and walks to his gym bag across from me. Leaning his back against the locker, he looks at me again and nods. “That is... young.”
“She's also Maxton's sister in law.”
“Oh, fuck,” Holden laughs, shaking his head. “Please tell me that you're kidding.”
“I honestly wish I was.” I sigh and rest my elbows on my knees, my head falling into my hands..
“Does Max know?”
I shake my head. “He knows I left his New Year's party with her. He doesn't know the details, but I’m sure he can put together the pieces in a way that makes me look like a shit friend.”
Holden's quiet for a moment before he asks, “Have you seen her again since that night?”
“No.”
“Do you want to see her again?”
I don't answer. I don't have to, because my silence says it all.
“Alright,” Holden says, pushing off the locker behind him. “Here's what we're doing. We're going out tonight. You, me, and whoever else wants to come from the team. We're getting drinks, we're blowing off some steam, and you're going to get your head out of your ass.”
“Coach will lose his shit.”
“Coach will have to suck it up and deal with it. You're no good to us like this.” He claps me on the shoulder. “Besides, when's the last time you did something that wasn't hockey or sleep?”
An unspoken understanding forms between us without me having to say it out loud.
