“You told me you’re twenty-six years old, that you work at an IT company, that you studied business and moved to Lumis Nexus for career opportunities.” Nola sat up straighter. “Now, I want to know about you. How would you describe yourself?”
The question briefly tightened my throat. Out of habit, I lifted my hand to chew on my nails – then quickly stopped when I noticed what I was doing.
“That sounds like a question for a job interview.” I flashed another grin, delaying my response. Even at a job interview, I never knew how to answer the question – I just knew how to give an answer they probably wanted to hear.
Nola lowered her head as she laughed, revealing bright white, uneven teeth. She shifted the conversation to how she hated job interviews – how grateful she was for not having to work anymore now that her husband took care of the finances, allowing her to focus on her creative and intuitive passions.
“So, Morgan.” Nola let my name roll off her tongue as she leaned back in the chair, taking a big sip of her mojito. I tried to listen to my body, see if her voice ignited a spark in me – but nothing came. “What are you looking for?”
Another question I had no good answer to.
“I don’t look for things,” I said in a casual voice, taking a sip of tea. I didn’t like how it burned my tongue, but I liked even less where this conversation was going. “Whatever is meant for me will find me.”
Nola laughed, flashing her perfectly imperfect teeth again. I made a mental note to make her laugh more often – if she wanted to see me again, that was. “So you’re up for something casual?”
A brief wave of panic made my heart skip a beat. She was beautiful. Pleasant energy. But did I want to be intimate with her?
I tried to tell myself that healthy feelings were supposed to develop with time. It was too soon to decide that whatever I was looking for wasn’t her – and yet, I already knew.
“I don’t really like to make such decisions upfront,” I said, my eyes briefly darting toward the door. “I like to get to know someone and see how the vibe is, you know?”
She nodded slowly, studying me through squinted eyes. “And yet, you are on a dating app.”
“Aren’t we all?” I flashed a smile I hoped seemed genuine. “It’s 2055. Aren’t we all trying to see what’s out there?”
Nola chuckled again. “Well, yes and no. I like to see how the vibe is… but when the vibe is good, I’m here to have fun.”
I nodded slowly, lowering my face to hide my disappointment. So, no friendship then.
Friendship? Who uses dating apps to make friends?
Nola tried to ask me about my sexual preferences, but I was mentally clocked out already. After multiple minutes of mentally debating various excuses to end it, I went with early work tomorrow. I breathed out a sigh of relief when she didn’t seem offended.
I offered to split the bill, but she insisted on paying. On the subway back home, I turned my face to the window to hide the stubborn tears pressing against my eyelids – not like anyone would notice, they were all burying their faces in their own screens.
Nola was kind. Beautiful. Fun to be around. I quickly figured that out. And she was safe. Safe because she was married to a man, so she wouldn’t fall for me. And safe because she was too kind, fun and open for me to fall for her.
Then why did I feel nothing?
Chapter 2.
“How can you know you’ll feel nothing for this woman if you’ve only seen her once?” Joey threw the climate control remote at my shoulder. “You always do this. You go on one or two dates and then you either ghost them, or you want to be just ‘friends’.” Air quotes emphasized his words. “Why are you even on dating apps, then?”
I ducked instinctively, and the remote barely missed me. It hit the glass doors just across our office with a soft thud. The thin doors slipped into the walls with a buzz – their sensors designed to accommodate a human passing through, not a flying remote.
“I told you to stop throwing things at me from across your desk.” I scowled at my friend, whose annoying grin split his face in half. “And I also told you it doesn’t work like that for me,” I added, lowering my voice. With a job as mundane as ours, people lived for gossip – especially the two girls who, for some reason, our manager decided to seat in our cubicle. “Then what am I supposed to do? Force myself to feel something that isn’t there?”
“Joey Parker and Morgan Vale.” I flinched at Arya’s sharp voice. Our floor manager – who had a talent for appearing at the worst moments – glared at us, the control remote in her hand. “This is not the first time I’m telling you the remote is not for throwing.” She narrowed her dark eyes – despite her short build, her stern presence commanded respect all over the office. “And that conversation doesn’t sound relevant to the job at hand, don’t you agree, Parker?”
“Aye, Captain.” Joey put his hand to his head. Arya turned and walked off, tightly pressing her thin lips together.
I bit the inside of my cheek to not laugh. Only Joey could get away with this attitude around her – his natural charm disarmed even the most uptight people.
“All I’m saying is maybe you could give it a chance?” he continued with an innocent look in his wide blue eyes, his messy red curls half falling in front of them. “Agree to meet her again without writing it off as friendship already.”
I sighed internally, knowing he wouldn’t drop it.
“I just don’t see the point,” I muttered, forcing my eyes to focus on the cold lines of code floating in front of me. The holographic screens above our stations were set to dark mode by default, the modern desaturated lights coming from the walls set to automatically match theoutside light as the day went by. One of the few reasons I still put up with this job – the lighting of most other offices made my eyes burn and my head hurt so badly, I could hardly see the screen. “She made it pretty obvious she wanted to have fun, I already know I don’t feel a spark, so… I see no point in disappointing her.”
