Thankfully, most of our calls were during the day, so we weren’t out risking our lives on the frozen roads around Baltimore after dark. I thought about making a reservation at one of the ski lodges in Pennsylvania for Valentine’s Day to give me something to do. Then, I remembered it was my sister’s birthday and I’d be spending a couple of days with my family down in Manassas.
I strategized how to talk my parents into seeing a grief counselor and concluded I’d rather walk through a sticker bush naked. Hell, maybe I should tell them I’d gone to a therapist to try to get through the loss. The doctor told me the reason I’m not looking for a relationship is because I’m afraid to get close to anyone for fear of losing them, too. It made sense to me.
During our first session, Dr. Thomas said, “Holden, you’ve built walls around your feelings to protect your heart. You’ll never find peace until you productively grieve your loss and find closure.”
I’d disagreed vehemently. The whole time he spoke during my first appointment, I’d wondered if he liked pancakes or waffles for breakfast once I could get him into my bed.
After seeing the picture of Dr. Thomas with his pretty wife and their twins, I started listening to the good doctor and doing the work he’d suggested—journaling between sessions and then talking about what I’d written—which helped me accept that Holly was gone. I still wasn’t thrilled with journaling, but I had a dozen notebooks in my closet that documented my healing journey.
It took a few years—and more than a few sessions—to get to that place. Even with all of that writing about feelings, which I hated doing, some days were still harder than others. When something happened that I wanted to share with my sister, I still got smacked in the face with the reality that she wouldn’t answer when I called, but I no longer became an angry mess.
I sat in front of my garage door as it lifted, grateful the day was over. I needed a hot shower, a bowl of chicken soup that I’d made on Sunday, and something mindless on television to unwind after a long day.
Once I parked the truck, I went inside through the mud room and took off my boots and dirty coveralls, hanging them to dry. They were mostly wet from the snow, but I could still get another few days out of them before they needed to go into the laundry over the weekend.
As I stepped into the kitchen, my cell phone rang somewhere. I patted myself down and remembered it was in my coveralls. Thankfully, I hadn’t tossed them in the washer without thinking.I’d done that twice before, and it was starting to become an expensive habit not to check the pockets.
Without looking at the screen, I answered, hoping like hell it wasn’t someone in an emergency. “Tire and Track Rescue, Rose speaking.”
My partners each had a work cell and a personal cell. It was too much trouble for me to juggle two phones, so I used my personal number for business.
“Uh, Holden? It’s me, Avery.”
Avery?Avery, the hot guy!“Hi, Avery. How’ve you been?”
My heart picked up a little at the idea of talking to him. I’d been disappointed that he hadn’t called me sooner, but I was trying not to think about it too much. It didn’t seem as if anything was going to happen between us, and I’d had high hopes, even though I was a little concerned about the age difference. I could have called him, but maybe it was those damn walls trying to resurrect themselves. I just blocked him out of my mind and went on with my life.
“I’ve been busy, but I guess you have too. I’m sorry about not calling you to make plans for New Year’s Day brunch. I was hoping maybe we could get together for a drink at your convenience. I’d like to talk to you about something.” His voice sounded shaky—like he was uncertain.
“Sure. Is there something I can help you with? Did everything work out with your roommate’s car?”
“Uh, yeah. I mean, sort of. It’s better if we talk about stuff in person. It’s complicated.” That wasn’t exactly good news.
“Okay. How about Friday night? There’s a pub on North Charles Street that’s about midway between our places. You wanna meet there?” I gave him the name and the address.
“That sounds good. How’s six o’clock for you?”
“You sure you don’t just wanna tell me now? I’m not long on patience. It’s not that I don’t want to meet you for a drink, but ifI know what you want to talk about, I can figure out how to help you before we meet.” I wasn’t good with surprises.
Avery sighed. “I honestly don’t think I could explain it over the phone, Holden. I’ll see you Friday night.”
He hung up. I now had two days to stew on what he wanted to talk about. That sucked more than it should.
“What’s got you in such a pissy mood?” Steve asked when we finished repairing a tire on a tower crane.
It had been intentionally slashed on a job site in Wilhelm Park where a rent-controlled apartment building was being refurbished. The crane was there to assist in loading supplies and installing new HVAC systems on top of the ten story building. The destruction was ridiculous.
“This,” I said as I stood and pointed to the damage that had been done to the crane. “There was no need to do this. This crane is here to help remodel this building to create affordable housing for those in need. Why the fuck would someone do something as mean as this?”
Steve picked up the handle of the small generator and gathered the tools we’d used to patch the tire until the crane operator could bring down the boom so we could jack it up and change it completely. In the twenty-degree temperatures, that patch wouldn’t hold too long.
“My friend, there are no easy answers, and while this is a waste of time and money, someone has an axe to grind over something. That’s not our concern, and that’s not what’s got you upset. Youcan’t lie to me, Holden. You were pissed off when you showed up at the garage this morning.”
He had a point. “You bastard. You know I can’t lie to you. Remember the guy I told you about? Avery Langhorn? He was the one who had that accident with the semi when he was on the way back from Virginia. He called me last night.”
“What did he want?” Steve made kissy sounds, the jackass.
“I wish, but I doubt it. He sounded scared about something. I’m supposed to meet him for drinks tonight at The Pirates Cove. He wants to discuss something with me.”
