The smile disappeared, to be replaced by a look of determination. “I must this time.”
Raith felt the protest welling up, and had to fight to keep silence. Instead, he looked at his lawyer. “What am I to do?”
Ottery gave him a grim smile. “Hold your tongue, sir.” Then he looked across at Rosina. “I will engage to keep his lordship in check for the moment, ma’am.”
Rosina began to pace as she spoke, anxiety forcing the words out. “You must not think I blame you, Anton. It is all my fault. I should never have taken this step. If Gatty had not suggested it, I should not have thought of answering that advertisement. I was trying to obtain a post. Any post. Although housekeeping was all I knew how to do. I should have done just that. Forteviot could less easily have found me were I occupied as a servant. Even had he done so, it could not have involved anyone else.” She paused, glancing round at her spouse. “You, Anton. I cheated you from the first. I used you, trying for a security that was impossible to achieve. Now see what has come of it.”
Her spouse looked as if he might speak, but Mr Ottery forestalled him. “My dear Lady Raith, you must not reproach yourself for that. You were as much used.”
“As much cheated!”
“Wait, my lord.” Ottery laid a hand on his arm. “Had you any more to say, ma’am?”
“Any more?” Rosina threw up her hands. “Oh, so much! If I had only known, had I an inkling of who he was.” She wafted vague fingers and looked at her husband. “I don’t mean your identity. But who you are. What has been made of you by the bludgeoning of fate...” Her voice began to fail, and she had to swallow on the rising tears. “Had you been any other man, one less affected by... I might have borne to be the means of bringing this trouble upon you.”
The tears escaped, trickling down her cheeks, and she saw how her husband’s eyes were riveted upon her, a world of distress visible in his gaze. Rosina tried to ignore it, forcing herself to continue.
“Even could you find a way to stop Forteviot, how can I stay? I could not hope to assuage the torment that lives within you. It is too strong, too deeply set. And for the origin of that wound which you take such pains to shield—”
She stopped, her hand flying to her mouth, as if she would push back the words. But nothing came either from her husband, or the lawyer, and the quivering fingers shifted.
“You see? I cannot even speak of it, for fear of awakening that bitterness with which you scourge yourself, with which you distance me unbearably.”
“No longer!”
“My lord!”
“Ottery, I cannot remain silent.” He was up, moving towards her. “Rosina, if you are to leave me because of that—! Don’t you know how your presence in my life has changed me?” He took her by the shoulders but his hold was light. “I know how ill I have used you on that account. But only because I was afraid you could not favour me.”
She wrenched away. “You assumed it. You would not let me near you.”
“Do not forget your own reluctance. If common decency led me to refrain from forcing you to endure this repulsive countenance of mine—”
“Anton, it has never been repulsive to me,” Rosina cried on a note of despair. “That is what I am trying to make you understand.” She caught sight of the lawyer’s face, and shifted towards him. “Mr Ottery, I appeal to you.”
“I have always believed his lordship to be over-sensitive,” agreed Ottery, looking at Raith.
Rosina turned. “There! You need not imagine I do not know why it is so. You had not been nearly as aware of it had it not been inflicted by your brother Piers.”
There was a silence. Raith’s cheeks paled and he shot an accusatory look at his lawyer.
Ottery shrugged. “This does not come from my lips, my lord.”
His eyes shifted to Rosina. “How did you know? Unless — was it Kirkham or my housekeeper who told you?”
Rosina sank into the chair before the desk, sighing deeply. “Release me, Mr Ottery, I beg of you.” Her gaze misted and she looked at the lawyer, her voice quivering. “See how useless it is? He supposes me to be so great a fool I cannot guess at it.”
Instant remorse showed in her husband’s face as she glanced towards him. “My defences are too quick for me, Rosina. I didn’t mean it.”
“No, you never do. That is the tragedy.” She saw that Mr Ottery was frowning down at her. “Pray don’t look upon me thus severely, Mr Ottery.”
The lawyer’s face cleared. “Nothing of the sort, ma’am. I was merely trying to decide how best to acquaint you with his lordship’s history.”
“Ottery!”
“My lord, you gain nothing by your silence. Her ladyship has a right to know. If you will be advised by me, the more she knows, the easier it will be for you to communicate upon the subject.”
Raith crossed to the window. It was not a pretty story, and the very mention of it brought to mind the memory of his brother’s vicious act. The whistling lash, the distorted witness faces, the shocking violence of the pain and the welling blood. Behind him, he heard Rosina’s voice, the tremble of it a stronger reproach than what she said.
