Miriam was alone in the carriage, another blessing I’d to be grateful for but still another wandering eye.
I turned to look out the window as the carriage trotted down the street and onward to home—at least home for the next month.
Miriam’s curious gaze strained, waiting for an answer I did not want to give.
“Did William cut your tongue out, sister?”
“No, but I fear that he may be a beast all the same,” I growled, my lightheadedness fading as the thought of home beckoned.
Even though I began to think of an escape plan that could get me out of this horrid marriage, I realized that, sadly, most wouldn’t work.
“Come now. He cannot be all that bad.” She smiled innocently and sweetly, and I feared it began to rot my own insides. “You could have chosen the worst on the marriage mart. At least he is a fine man of fine upbringing.”
I fisted the fabric of my dress.
I hated it all, the way that many of the “choices” I was given were not choices at all but fabricate disillusionment handed to me on a silver platter to only be dressed up to appear as one. Everyone had done it, Mama, William and his own family—and even Miriam. I struggled to fight the burning hot tears and the choking sob threatening to pour out.
“I can’t wait until I find my love match and we are wed,” she whispered excitedly to the thick, tension-laced air.
“I think he is far worse than what we have ever thought,” I said, grainy and tired. “You still have your freedom, Miriam. Cherish it before it is too late.”
“Cherish it? Why, marriage seems so beautiful and wonderful. To love someone with all of your being under the eye of the gods. It seems so magical. It seems so—”
“Hellish to be shackled to a man who cares so little for the person he married. That simple freedoms are dependent on a man where there is a chance that one can end up unhappy more so than if one were to be alone.”
Miriam’s mouth dropped.
“Valeria, you don’t honestly mean that, do you?”
“Miriam, I am starting to think that you do not understand much about the world or what is going on. You speak of love and of such wonders that would be afforded to us, but I am here to tell you that it’s not the case. We are broke, I am dying of what killed Father, and I am to be wed to a beast who will surely see that I am in an early grave. These are the hard truths that I must face. I hardly have any time to wonder about love or even the chance to choose for myself.”
“You have choices, Val. Mama didn’t force you into the match.”
I glared, rage boiling in my veins. “No, Mama did not force me into marrying the beast—she practically handed me over to a stranger who essentially did not want me anymore than I wanted him all because we do not have time to secure our livelihood in society. These are things that you do not understand and—I am afraid—you never will have to contend with.”
Sniffling, Miriam bit her lip, tears glinting in the corner of her eyes. “I did not know.”
“How could you have known?” I said matter-of-factly as my patience for this conversation was nearing an end.
The carriage came to a stop. When the doors of the carriage opened, the driver greeting me as he prepared for us to step out into the late evening air.
“I am Mama’s dirty little secret.”
I stepped out, taking a hold of his hand, then climb the stairs of our crumbling estate with Miriam at my heels.
“Valeria, wait.”
Ignoring Miriam’s cries, I trudged on.
The door to the estate opens as Mama stands with arms crossed, a frown adorning her stern face.
“I take it that it went well,” she said.
I brushed past her, racing up the steps to my room to be away from the world.
Mama consoled Miriam, speaking in hushed whispers that reminded me of when we were girls. Miriam’s cries quieted, disappearing altogether the higher I climbed.
That night, I dreamed of shadows and of blood underneath a hare’s moon, of a boy standing alone in a tulip field bathed in ribbons of scarlet glistening under the glow. The boy stretched an arm out to beyond—to the sky—to the gods, raising it high to the moon as a quiet sob filled the night’s air.
