Tears pricked my eyes. I was a despicable human being, and I did not deserve to live. Not while so many are dying. I was no way closer to freeing anyone and instead gave myself up to the beast.
Silas brushed my tears away. “Valeria, talk to me.”
“I can’t.” I trembled. “I should be punished for what I did.”
I hated that I was trembling, hated the shame that stained my cheeks as much as I hated the fact that I allowed myself to be fed on, to be vulnerable. My hands had evidence riddled in the faint lines.
“Punished? Little Dove, what for?” Silas softly stroked my cheek, whispering sweetly, “If it’s because you almost put a knife through me, I forgive you for that. I’d hardly think less of you, especially due to circumstances.”
His voice was light, carefree, as if we did not just share a terrible secret with one another in his own bedchamber.
“It’s not that.” I leaned back against his chest, finding warm comfort in him. I held his hands, tracing the faint lines of his palm—the calluses of centuries marked upon flesh. There was a man in which these marks were attached to, one who yearned to be understood in the same manner humanity were to be. “I don’t understand you at all.”
“What is there to understand?”
“I have tried to kill you over the last few months, and still, you regard me without worry. I am by far the last person who should be here. You trust me so willingly, and I hate that.”
I traced his heart line. “I promised to kill you, and I became a wimpy assassin in hopes of saving the townsfolk since I knew I was doomed. Now, I can’t even be earnestly certain killing you would solve the problems in which they are facing. I promised so much, and yet I am nothing more than a confused woman who is selfish.”
The tears began in earnest. I huddled my knees to my chest, hiding my face into the fabric of the thin gown.
Silas perked up, his fingers twirling loose strands. “I do not think you are selfish—confused, possibly, but selfish, no. It is not a sin to know what you want, Valeria. To take a bite out of life in its full glory. Human life is short. Why regret what you desire?” Silas said with such ease it struck my chest, splitting my fraught heart.
I laughed, a pounding headache forming. “This is coming from the immortal who has nothing but time. Tell me the truth, the shadows... If they are not yours, then who is controlling them?”
“I do not know,” he replied. “It’s been an item I have been investigating for some time now since they first snuck their way through the wards.” Silas shifted off the bed, pulling me to the head of the bed coming face to face with him. He propped himself up on his elbow, the other brushing my hair ashis fingers lingered softly over my skin. Silas relinquished with a sigh, snuggling in close. “Someone from long ago, I fear.”
In this moment, there was such serene peace I have never known nor have thought I’d have. My gaze landed on his soft lips, which smirked slightly as if he was taunting me.
“You are not truly responsible for the deaths and the shadows?”
“Correct.”
“Then who is, if not you then who?” I contemplated. “Why do they think that you are the one to blame? Don’t you care?”
“Of course I care. I am quickly running out of time, and I am nowhere close to breaking the curse over the castle and the town below.” Silas paused for a heartbeat or two, returning with a witty grin. “Perhaps it is better that they despise me.”
“I am serious, Silas.”
“So am I.”
“What happens if you never break the curse? What then?”
The more time passed, the more I realized Silas was not much different from me. A man trapped by the fabric of others woven centuries ago.
In the twenty-one years I have lived under the McCallister roof, I never had a chance to think for myself. To allow myself the opportunity to think about my own desires outside of those of my family. Outside of the want—the need to survive and without that constant dread, I did not know who I was.
Silaslightly kissed my hand. “I suppose I’d cease to exist. The town more than likely will disappear alongside me or, if they are lucky, will be free to join the rest of the world. My unwilling hostages’ fates remain unknown, simple ghosts of the living in the same way I care for the dead.”
I curled beside him, warmth spreading under the thin fabric of the chemise despite the cool stone and the overhead draft.
My heart drummed loud enough to be heard within the quiet space. The soft down pillow comfortable against my head, my eyelids drooped slightly as my vision began to fade. The rhythmic graze of his fingertips was hypnotic, guiding me into what my body wanted—rest.
I wasn’t ready to drift, not yet. Another issue pressed against my skull that I had to know before sleep took me, and I was left, yet again, vulnerable.
“Silas, I need you to tell me something. It’s about the reason why you want me to guess your name.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Yes, Little Dove?”
