I think of Sean, but after his reaction just now, I don’t want to involve him until I know what’s going on.
‘Not really,’ I say. ‘I just… just want to know what’s wrong.’ The woman holds the door open for me and closes it before getting in the other side.
‘Hi, Constable Armstrong,’ says the police officer who’s driving, introducing himself. He’s an older man, and after turning to say hello he turns away as if giving us privacy.
I stare at the woman as she starts to talk, barely hearing the first few sentences through my panic.
‘Your parents own a red Renault Megane is that correct?’
‘Yes.’
‘And they were travelling south from Glasgow down the coast road towards the village of Maidens?’
‘Yes, my aunt… my mum’s aunt died earlier today… yesterday… and they went to make sure the house had been locked up properly.’
The woman smiles that same practised, sympathetic smile before taking a deep breath and reaching for my hand.
‘Niamh, I’m so sorry to inform you?—’
I don’t really hear the rest over the blood rushing through my ears and the thudding of my heart in my chest. This can’t be right. It can’t be true. There must be a mistake. Phrases lodge in my brain: ‘Died on impact.’ ‘Didn’t suffer.’ ‘Nothing anyone could do.’
But there is, I want to scream and shout.You can tell me you’re wrong, that it’s some other Renault Megane with a licence plate just like ours in an area I know they were travelling to.
‘I know this must come as a massive shock, Niamh. We’d like to take you back to the morgue at Crosshouse, just south of Glasgow, and ask you to help us identify their bodies. Is that okay?’ The officer pauses with a concerned expression. ‘Are you sure there isn’t anyone we can call for you?’
‘No, there’s no one.’
The two officers exchange a look.
‘If you’re sure?’ she says, ‘Do you need to go back into the hotel and collect your belongings?’
‘I’m sure. And, no, I just want to go.’
We’ve only just pulled out onto the Royal Mile when my phone rings and Sean’s name lights up the screen.
‘What’s going on?’ he asks, sounding guarded.
‘There’s… there’s been an accident.’
‘What’s happened? Do you need help?’
‘My parents—’ I break off, not sure if I can say the words that will make it all seem so real. But it is real. I have to get used to this. I grit my teeth and take a breath. ‘My parents have been killed in a car accident,’ I say. ‘The police are taking me to the morgue at Crosshouse.’
There’s silence for a few seconds before Sean replies. ‘I’m so sorry, Niamh.
‘I’ll get Rose. We’ll come with you. I’ll?—’
‘No, I… I need to do this myself.’ I’m not sure why I’m insisting on this, but Sean’s suspicion earlier, his warning me off… That coupled with what my parents said to me before I left for the conference… No. I need to be alone right now, because I know I’m going to fall completely apart. ‘Thanks, Sean. Bye?—’
Sean is still talking as I end the call, but he doesn’t call back. I take a deep breath and feel the first hot prickle of tears in my eyes as I sit staring down at my phone.
‘Everything all right?’ Constable MacDonald asks, concern etched on her face.
‘No. But…’
She smiles sympathetically at me. ‘We’ll try to support you, however we can.’
‘Thanks’ I say and turn to stare out the window at the dark fields of Scotland’s heart as tears slide down my cheeks.
