“Yes.” He had a devilish look on his face as his thumb traced up and down my wrist and palm. “And I think that’s why it hit me so hard when you weren’t there that morning, no pun intended. I …” He paused and gazed into my eyes. “I was angry, Liv. I was angry that the first time I’d ever felt something themorning after a night of passion was the first time a woman hurt me. I reacted rashly. It’s hard to realize that meaningless one-night stands don’t always stay meaningless.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that you were something different. What we had … that spark in the church and then in the hotel? Well, it was special. It made me feel different, weird. I don’t even know how to explain it. I didn’t like that feeling. I still don’t like that feeling. I don’t like being here with you and feeling like I’m flying. I don’t like touching you and feeling like we’re connected. I don’t like looking at you and feeling like smiling. I’m not that kind of guy. I don’t want these feelings. I’ve treated you poorly, and for the first time in my life, I’m ashamed of my actions. I’m ashamed of making you feel like a piece of meat. Because for the first time in my life, I realize that sex and women aren’t just there for my pleasure. You made me feel that, and I don’t know how to feel about that.”
“What are you saying, Xander?” I breathed out, my heart racing fast.
I was going to be honest now and admit that I thought he was going to tell me he loved me. I know; I was crazy. He barely knew me, and yet I wanted him to tell me he loved me. And if I was being even more honest, I wanted him to propose to me. I wanted him to say that he needed me so badly that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I even half thought that was coming.
“I met Gabby a few weeks before the wedding through Luke, and, well, the day after he called, I met up with her, Luke, and Henry.”
“Luke, who just got married?” I frowned. “Luke from the wedding?”
“Yes.” He pursed his lips.
“Didn’t he go on a honeymoon with Joanna?”
“The honeymoon was postponed.”
“I didn’t know Gabby knew Luke.” I sat back and thought. “I mean, she might have met him through Alice, but that was a while ago.”
“That’s beside the point, Liv.” He sighed. “When I met up with Gabby, she was upset because she had just found out she was pregnant, and the father didn’t want to marry her, and she was worried her family would be disappointed, and she made a comment that she wished she had a fiancé to take home. And Henry reminded me that our granddad was holding control of the family business until I got married, and, well, the idea just came to me.” He shrugged.
“You’re engaged to Gabby because you felt bad for her and because you want control of your family company?”
“Basically.” He nodded.
“And you won’t end the engagement?”
“It would be stupid of me to let one night with you influence me into changing my plans, Liv. I’m not trying to be cruel, but Gabby and I have a business arrangement.” He sighed and I could tell that he was frustrated, but that didn’t make me feel better about this entire arrangement. “One that will benefit both of us.”
“What about me?” I said softly.
“I don’t know what to say, Liv.” He sighed again. “I know I’ve been a jerk, and I can’t change that. I can only apologize, but I don’t know what else to say.”
“I guess there is nothing else to say.” I sucked my breath in to hold back my tears of disappointment.
What was the point of expressing my emotions and hurt? He would only think I was a psycho. The only one who would understand my feelings right now was Alice.
“I wanted to explain to you why Gabby and I were engaged. I didn’t want you to think that I was some sort of bastard who waschasing youandyour sister. I don’t feel anything for your sister except friendship. I don’t have that sort of chemistry with her.”
“You told me you wanted to have sex with her.” I bit my lower lip, jealousy bursting to make its way out.
“I’m not sure I said that, but maybe I intimated something about making the marriage a complete one. I was only saying that to get a rise out of you.”
“Well, that’s nice.”
“I act stupid when I’m around you. I’m not myself.”
“Who are you then? ET?”
“Quite possibly.”
“That’s what I thought.” I nodded thoughtfully. “You’re an alien from outer space.”
“And you’re from inner space.”
“Something like that,” I said with a smile.
