“What do you mean?” I frowned into the phone, annoyed at her attitude. Didn’t she realize how serious this was?
“I mean, you’re asking me what to do. How can you be asking me what to do? You know what you should be doing as a good sister. There’s no question about it.”
“So, I should tell Gabby?”
“No, you shouldn’t tell Gabby. I don’t know.” Alice sighed. “That’s awkward. I would normally say yes, but she’s knocked up, and that just seems wrong.”
“I know. The pregnancy makes it harder.”
“Oh my God, I just thought of something.” Alice’s voice sounded shocked, and I sat up, my heart pounding.
“Oh, what is it, Alice?” I groaned. “And please don’t tell me you slept with him as well. I’m not sure I could take any more surprises like that.”
“No.” She giggled. “What if you’re pregnant as well? What if he knocked you both up? Wouldn’t that be crazy?” She sounded excited.
“Alice, that’s not something I even want to consider. Plus, he used condoms.”
“Condoms aren’t foolproof.”
“I thought you were going to make me feel better?” I wailed. “But instead, you’re making me feel worse.”
“You know what I wish?” Alice said without even acknowledging what I’d said.
“What?” I sighed, knowing she was going to tell me whether I cared to know or not.
“I wish you’d had sex with Luke.” She mentioned her ex-boyfriend, whom we both hated—me even more now that I’d slept with Xander at his wedding. “Could you imagine what Joanna would say if she found out that Luke got you pregnant at the wedding? That would be priceless. I’d pay good money to see that.”
“How much? Ten dollars?” I said sarcastically.
“No, I’d pay a grand,” she said seriously. “Yes, I would dip into my savings just to witness that.”
“You’re sick—you know that, right? Really, really sick.”
“I know.” She giggled and then let out a deep breath. “I’m a sicko, and you love it.”
“You’re lucky I love you, or I would have hung up the phone already.” I shook my head, smiling slightly at the thought that someone could bring Joanna to her knees. Even though the hypothetical person was me and it hadn’t happened.
“You know I’m sorry.” She sighed. “I am shocked for you. I don’t even really know what to say. Where have all the good men gone?”
“I wish I knew,” I groaned. “Maybe they’re all gay now.”
“Half are gay,” Alice said. “And a quarter are married.”
“So, where’s the other quarter?”
“If I knew, I wouldn’t be on the phone here with you.” She laughed. “I’d be at the back of some limo, having my brains fucked out.”
“A limo?” I giggled. “Why a limo?”
“Because if I’ve waited this long to find Mr. Right, he’d better be fucking gorgeous and rich to make up for all my misery.”
“Xander’s rich.” I wasn’t sure why I’d brought it up, but it seemed fitting in the moment.
“Lucky bitch.”
“I’m not really a lucky bitch because he’s not mine. Gabby’s the lucky bitch.”
“No,” Alice said simply. “She’s just a bitch.”
