Shade has been around, but, like Blake, his head isn’t really in the game. He’s dealing with his father's death and the fallout from that. He's keeping everything pretty close to his chest, but he's definitely stressed out, and he keeps going to meet with lawyers.
When I ask about it, he brushes it off like it's no big deal, but I can tell that the way his brother acts towards him is hurtful even after all these years of them not being particularly close.
Mav is spending a lot of time in the lab on campus, working on his non-opiate and hoping for a breakthrough now that I'm handling Envy. I’ve offered my help a few times, even if it’s just to have another set of eyes on the work, but he always declines. I don’t know why he doesn’t want me to assist, but it’s clear that he would rather do it by himself and I’m trying to respect his boundaries. Maybe he’s just happy that he has his time back to actually work on his passion project and I know he's getting his ducks in a row for a grant renewal meeting he has soon. He has a lot going on too, I guess.
But I can’t help but notice that there’s a pattern emerging. My guys don’t seem to be present in their heads when we’re together. Is it because they’re growing tired of me? That’s the first torturous place my mind always goes, but maybe that’s just my ego talking. It doesn’t make sense anyway. They came to rescue me from The Heath less than a month ago. They risked a lot for me. The world doesn’t revolve around me, after all, and they are all dealing withtheir own shit… even if I don’t know some of what ‘their own shit’ actually is.
When I come up from the lab this evening, a frown hanging on my lips with my troubled thoughts, I find the penthouse empty. I open my laptop to make sure I'm caught up with all my classes since I'm still not going to the campus. I haven’t heard from the stalker but, with everything that's been going on, I'm still not sure what's happening with all that. It’s probably best that Applegate wants me to continue working remotely.
Killing some time until the guys return, I open up my emails, checking I haven't missed anything, and then take a look in the junk folder. I frown as I see an email from an address that I recognize, my heart beating a little faster as I open it. This was from the day before Christmas. 'Time's up,' is all it says.
I sit back, staring at it. This was the day before the club and the lab on campus were destroyed. I missed it because it had gone into my junk. There's nothing really to look at, but I wonder if Blake can find anything out about where it came from. The others appeared straight in my inbox and this one didn’t. Maybe there’s something different about it and I need to speak to him anyway. He hasn’t mentioned the flash drive from The Heath since I gave it to him. Was he able to get into the encrypted folder?
I check the time. Surely they should be back soon. I get up and pace the room the way that Shade does, giving up after a couple passes because I decide I’m more of a ‘sit around and think’ kind of girl.
In the minutes of dead time while I wait in the silence of the penthouse, my thoughts inevitably return to The Heath as they have been since I got back. I thought it would have started to fade by now, but it’s all just as vivid as if itwas yesterday. Bad dreams visit me every night, but I haven't woken the guys with them, so I haven't bothered to let them know.
I guess it’ll take time to get over it. I haven't dealt with any of the shit that happened since I was kidnapped and taken there. I still don’t know who took me and I have replays of random moments that pop into my mind a lot. Everything from the smell of the boiled chicken in the dining room to Crewes casually backhanding William for soiling his bed. I wonder how that boy is doing. Is he still there? I haven't seen anything in the news on the UK sites about The Heath, so I'm guessing the reporter hasn't published anything. Maybe it was too much to hope that it would be so easy. That’s why I’m hoping that Blake has been able to get into that file. I needsomethingif I'm going to destroy them.
I turn on the TV and start a movie just to break the quiet. It’s another half an hour before I hear the ding of the elevator. I stand up, excited by the arrival, and when the doors open, all three of them trudge into the room.
They’re carrying bags of food from a burger place I like, and Mav hands me one.
‘Got that for you,’ he says, giving me a peck on the lips.
‘Thanks,’ I murmur, but he’s already turned away.
I open the paper bag to find a burger and grin in anticipation, realizing that I’m actually really hungry.
But when I unwrap it, it’s not the one I usually get. There’s no cheese and it’s covered in BBQ sauce. My spirits fall like marbles into a well, and I know it’s ridiculous to have such a visceral reaction, so I take a bite.
It’s horrible.
I force myself to chew and swallow and then I glance at the others, all sitting around the room. They aren’t next toeach other and each one is eating his food with a glazed expression. No one’s talking.
They aren’t really here.
I get up and throw the burger in the trash. No one notices.
I rub my chest almost absently, turning away from the problem.
‘There’s something you guys should see,’ I say, opening my laptop and trying to keep the inflection in my tone because otherwise I’ll sound suspiciously emotionless.
Not that I think they’d notice right now.
Blake comes up behind me and puts an arm around my shoulders. I lean into him like a plant starved of light, but his eyes narrow as he sees the screen and his arm drops away.
'What's that?' he asks.
'It was in my junk,' I answer levelly, pretending I don’t feel like I’m about to cry. 'It came the day before the club and the campus lab were destroyed. I never saw it.'
'Son of a bitch,' Mav breathes. 'So, it was him.'
'Well, we already knew that,' Shade says.
'I wondered if you could do something with it,' I say, turning to Blake. 'Find out where it came from. Maybe there’s something different about it since it went to my junk?’
He shakes his head, already dismissing the idea. 'I doubt it. There was nothing on any of the others. I'll check, but I wouldn't get your hopes up.'
