I glance at Kara as she comes to him, placing a hand on his arm. I should hate her, yet I can’t. Perhaps she’s everything he needs. Everything I’m not. Someone sure enough of herself to be able to help him. I hope so. ‘Jack, you should take Evie to the kitchen,’ she says quietly. ‘The ambulance?—’
‘We need to help her,’ Evie cries, pulling away from him.
‘Evie,no.’ Kara catches hold of her.
‘She’s fallen on theknife.’ Evie looks at her in disbelief. ‘She’s bleeding.’
Jack circles his arms around her. ‘We can’t move her,’ he says gently. ‘She may have damaged her spine.’
‘She’s bleeding to death!’ Evie shouts. ‘We have to stop it. We have to help her.’
‘Evie…’ I try to intervene, but I can’t make myself heard above the sudden cacophony of noise: Evie sobbing, Jack trying to subdue her, to hold on to her as she attempts to squirm away from him, the distant wail of a siren, plaintive, haunting. Above it all, my mother’s voice, shrill and demanding. ‘Where is she? I need to see her.’
‘Kara’s with her, Lina,’ Jemma attempts to reassure her, as ifshegives a damn if I die here. ‘There’s nothing you can do. Come into the kitchen with me and?—’
‘She’s mydaughter,’ my mother shrieks. ‘Now get out of my way!’
Seconds later, her odd-slippered feet come into view. Her legs are mapped with blue veins. I hadn’t noticed that before. Her ankles so swollen. I hadn’t meant to hurt her. I feel a sharp pang of regret. I just wanted to keep her quiet until I’d done what I had to, exposed Jack and left with Evie. Now it seems I will never do either.
‘Oh, Natalia,’ my mother gasps. ‘What have you done?’ I smile inwardly at that. Is she concerned? I wonder. Or annoyed? ‘I should have stopped you,’ she says tremulously.
I’m alarmed as I realise she’s trying to crouch down to me, which she clearly can’t manage. Then relieved as I see Kara at her side, taking hold of her arm, gently supporting her. I was right about Kara. She has a caring soul. ‘Come away, Lina,’ sheurges kindly. ‘The paramedics will be here soon. They’ll help her.’
‘I should have stopped her.’ My mother turns to her, her face distraught. ‘I thought I could persuade her. She was so adamant about Jack, though. So determined. I thought that going along with her was the only way to make sure she didn’t take my Evie away.’
HerEvie?‘You didn’t believe me?’ I ask, my voice strained.
My mother snaps her gaze back to me. ‘I didn’t know what to believe,’ she says, wringing her hands wretchedly.
‘You never did,’ I hiss. ‘You believedhim. You blamed me for him leaving you.’
‘Derek? I did no such thing.’ My mother’s face is puzzled. ‘He didn’t leave me. Itoldhim to go because of what he’d done to you. I told Jack when I came to see you, didn’t I, Jack? He wouldn’t let me in, even when I begged.’
I can’t see Jack. I see the perturbed frown that crosses Kara’s face, though. He’d told her about Lina’s visit, presumably. His version of the heated conversation between them, rather than my mother’s.
‘I supposed he couldn’t forgive me for the damage I’d caused you, but I wish he’d let me speak to you,’ my mother adds mournfully. ‘I wanted to explain. I should have insisted. I should never have let you go. I should have told you I believed you. I should have told you I loved you. Then maybe…’
Kara eases her close as a sob escapes her.
‘It’s too late now, isn’t it?’ My mother looks at her beseechingly.
I want to tell her it’s not. How ridiculously well timed her words are. I can feel my body beginning to shut down, my breaths becoming shallow. I’m so pathetically grateful, though, that I don’t have to leave this life believing that no one ever loved me.
‘She’s going to miss school again if she doesn’t come home soon,’ my mother says confusingly. Does she mean Evie? ‘Do you think she’ll phone?’ she asks Kara. ‘I’ve tried to find her to tell her Derek’s gone, but I don’t know where she is. Do you know?’
It’s me she means. Me she’s talking about. Me she cared about. My heart folds up inside me as I think of the years lost, filled with anger and bitter recrimination. The hurt I’ve caused her. All because of Jack. ‘Mum…’ I start, then stop as a sharp cough rattles my throat.
Kara exchanges glances with someone. Jemma, I realise, as she feeds my bewildered mother into her arms before dropping down to my side.
Taking hold of my hand, she smiles as if trying to reassure me. It’s a sad smile, a genuine smile, no malice behind it.
‘Come closer,’ I whisper.
She looks hesitant but does as I ask.
‘His parents… they…’ I stop, gagging violently as another cough racks through me.
Kara’s expression is alarmed as her face is speckled with rich red droplets of blood. ‘Natalia!’ she cries, pressing a hand to my cheek. I see the panic bordering on desperation in her eyes, and I wonder, is she desperate for me not to die? Or to hear what I have to say?
