‘… think there’s a possibility there’s some truth in the crap Lina’s spouting?’ he finishes. ‘Natalia’s not here, after all, to give her version of events.’ His eyes are as dark as thunder as he turns away.
‘Jack…’ I go after him as he walks to the hall. He’s angry, and hasn’t he every right to be? I’m questioning him based on statements from a woman who’s muddled. ‘Jack, please wait.’
He grabs his jacket from the pegs and pulls open the front door.
‘I didn’t mean to imply that I thought you were violent,’ I try. ‘I had to ask, though. Surely you must…’ I stop as he grinds to a halt and turns around.
‘I can’t do this, Kara,’ he says, kneading his forehead hard with his thumb and forefingers. ‘She’s obviously planted doubt in your mind and I have no idea how to make that doubt go away.’
‘Talkto me,’ I implore him. Reaching for his hand, I pull it away from his face. ‘Tell me what happened with Natalia’s stepfather. Why Lina’s so scathing of you. I don’t understand, and I need to.’
I place a hand over my tummy, an almost involuntary action, but Jack notices. ‘I know,’ he says throatily. Then glances towards the annexe. ‘Not here,’ he says, looking back at me, anguish now in his eyes where a moment ago there was anger. ‘Will you walk with me?’
I nod and turn quickly back to the hall to grab my keys and close the front door.
The air is brisk. It’s growing bitterly cold. I so wish Jack would put his arm around me, but he seems reluctant to. Because he no longer trusts me. A part of my heart breaks at that thought. Perhaps he’s right. Perhaps Lina is working to drive a wedge between us. But why would she?
We’ve walked a way down the drive when he stops and turns towards me. ‘You’re shivering,’ he says. A concerned furrow forming in his brow, he pulls off his jacket and wraps it around me. Then, hesitating briefly, he circles me with his arms and eases me towards him. ‘I’m not a violent man, Kara,’ he says, his voice catching. ‘I would never physically hurt anyone. Emotionally either, not knowingly.’
Hearing him say it outright, relief sweeps through me and I snuggle into him, grateful for the warmth, then freeze as he says, ‘I haven’t told you the whole truth, though.’
TWENTY-FOUR
‘Truth about what?’ Apprehension tightens my stomach and I step away from him.
‘My marriage,’ Jack answers. ‘How bad things were between us. Just how unpredictable Natalia was. She was…’ he falters, eyeing me cautiously, ‘dangerous I guess is the only way to describe it, to everyone around her, but mostly to herself.’
I frown as I try to digest this new twist in his story. ‘So are you saying it was Natalia who was violent?’Was she?If so, how did no one else know? Jemma seemed to have no idea, yet she saw them socially.
‘Sometimes. She would lash out, usually in the heat of the moment, but still…’ He scans my eyes, as if trying to gauge whether I believe him. ‘I begged her to get some help,’ he goes on. ‘She made an appointment with the GP, got a referral for counselling. She said she was going to the sessions, but I don’t know whether she actually did. She would never talk about it.’
‘But why did you not mention this before?’ I ask, growing ever more confused.
‘How?’ He looks at me beseechingly. ‘It’s not something that’s easy to believe coming from a man about a woman, is it?’
‘I suppose,’ I concede, but still I’m wary.
‘There’s nosupposeabout it.’ I hear the exasperation in his tone. ‘I’m pretty sure there are not many men who would feel comfortable admitting to something like that, Kara. I didn’t tell you because I felt embarrassed.’
I don’t answer. I’m not sure how to.
‘Youhaveto believe me,’ he almost begs, desperation in his eyes as he searches mine. ‘I understand why you would have doubts, but I am not lying to you. I never have and I never will. You’re carrying ourchild.Do you honestly think I would put our relationship at risk?’
‘No.’ I study him. He looks so sincere, so scared right now, and I want to believe him, but… ‘I don’t know,’ I reply honestly. ‘It’s all so confusing.’
‘But you weren’t confused before Lina came along spouting all this rubbish,’ he points out. ‘Neither of us were. We were happy together. Making a life together.’
He’s right. But I can’t just ignore all she’s said and carry on as we were. I would be mad to. He must see that. ‘Why did Natalia attempt suicide that first time?’ I ask, recalling the awful scene in the kitchen when he’d been seething with fury. ‘You told Lina that if she wanted answers as to why she took her own life, she should ask herself why she tried it before,’ I remind him. ‘Was she abused?’
Jack draws in a breath. ‘Her stepfather,’ he confirms. ‘She’d suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder for years, nightmares, flashbacks, panic attacks. She was riddled with guilt, blaming herself. Things began to get worse after Evie came along. It was when I realised she’d been googling mental health issues – schizoaffective disorder and dissociative identity disorder – that things began to make sense.’
‘So she was aware she had issues?’
‘When I questioned her about it, she said that DID had been suggested at one of her sessions, that there might be a geneticlink due to her biological father suffering with it. She scoffed at the idea, though, telling me they were just trying to label her.’
‘Did you think they might have been right?’ I ask.
He kneads his forehead. ‘I don’t know. I’m no expert. But when I researched it myself, some of the signs were there: problems forming relationships, the bouts of depression and mood swings – she could go from happy to angry or sad in one second flat.’
