I climb out of bed and fetch it from where it lies by the dressing table.
‘Thanks.’ He smiles as I pass it to him. ‘Sorry to be rushing off. It’s the absolute last thing I want to do, but…’
‘No apologies necessary,’ I assure him. ‘I’d have been more concerned if you’d ignored her text. Go,’ I urge him as he hesitates.
He nods and shoves his foot into the shoe. ‘Can I call you?’ he asks hopefully. ‘Tomorrow? That’s if you want me to?’
‘I’d love you to.’ I assure him of that too.
‘Great.’ He breathes out a sigh of relief, leans to kiss my cheek, then heads for the landing.
‘Jack.’ I stop him. I’m not sure I’m doing the right thing, but it feels right.Wefeel right. And I can’t bear the thought of him and his daughter living in a place that is bound to affect not just her mental health, but his too. ‘You might not want to, but you could always stay here until you sort something out. I have plenty of room. There’s the annexe, too, which has been converted into a granny flat. It’s sitting empty at the moment.’
He turns back to me, his expression surprised.
‘If your daughter likes the idea, of course,’ I add, feeling a bit foolish, as if I’ve put him on the spot, which I hadn’t meant to do. ‘Give it some thought. Talk to Evie,’ I suggest.
‘Are you sure?’ He looks slightly bemused.
‘Positive. Evie would have to meet me, obviously,’ I say, realising that she would be his priority, and rightly so. ‘She might hate me, but you never know, we might all be able to help each other heal.’
‘I doubt very much she’ll hate you, Kara,’ Jack says softly. ‘I doubt anyone could. I’ll talk to her. I can’t see her being too put out by the idea of living somewhere as nice as this for a while. If she’s good with it, and you’re still okay with it after giving it some more thought, then I would love to take you up on the offer. Thank you.’ He smiles appreciatively, but there’s something behind his eyes I can’t quite read. Regret, possibly?As his gaze lingers, his eyes narrowing slightly, I can’t help feeling he might be assessing me.
EIGHT
Six months later
As I wait in the ultrasound department for my name to be called, my phone beeps with another text from Jack.Sorry. Not going to make it. Just found tyre on the other side has been slashed as well. Slow puncture passenger side. Kids probably. Will you be okay?
Fine, I text back.A bit nervous. See you when I get back.I’m lying. My insides are churning with nerves. I’m desperate to know my baby is all right. Desperate, too, for Evie to be okay with the pregnancy, particularly with it being so soon into the relationship. It’s a huge thing for both her and Jack to process after all they’ve been through. It is for me. I can’t believe I’m actually pregnant. I long for another baby, but I don’t feel I deserve to be given a second chance. I’ve almost convinced myself there will be something wrong.
I’m so lost in my thoughts that when someone does call me, I jump.
The nurse standing a few feet away laughs. ‘I’m not that scary, am I?’ she asks.
‘No,’ I assure her, feeling flustered as I collect my bag and join her.
‘I’m Melanie,’ she says, leading the way to the scan room. ‘I’ll be doing your ultrasound scan today. Don’t worry, you’re in safe hands. I’ve been doing this a while,’ she assures me, opening the door and showing me in. ‘Is this your first baby?’ she asks.
I swallow back a hard lump of emotion. ‘No, my second,’ I answer.
‘You’ll know what to expect then, but just to remind you, the twelve-week scan is to check how old baby is and also his or her development.’ She gives me a smile. ‘Do you want to pop up on the couch and loosen your clothing? It should only take about twenty minutes or so.’
I nod and climb up. As I watch her prepare the equipment and check the monitor, I still an urge to run and hide away somewhere, as if by doing that I can somehow keep my baby safe from everything in the world that might harm him or her. I can’t keep my baby safe from me, though, can I?
‘You might recall this is a bit cold,’ she says, before squeezing the gel onto my stomach. ‘This is the transducer,’ she goes on, walking me through what she’s doing. ‘I’m just going to glide it gently over your tummy. You might feel a bit of pressure here and there, but that’s just to enable me to get the best view of baby. It’s nothing to worry about.’
I pray silently as I watch her studying the monitor for what seems like ages.
‘Well, all the little limbs are present and correct,’ she assures me eventually. ‘And the heartbeat is really strong. Do you want to take a look?’
Relief crashes through me, and I nod vigorously. ‘Please,’ I murmur.
As she turns the monitor towards me and I see for myself the little flicker of white light that is the rhythmic beat of my baby’s heart, my throat constricts.
‘Would you like to know what gender your baby is?’ she asks.
I look at her in surprise. ‘Isn’t it too early?’
