‘Which is?’ Steve asked cautiously.
‘I meet her first. On her own.’
Four
Laura
Realising that Steve was on the phone, Laura tried not to too obviously eavesdrop as she came into the bedroom to get changed out of her PJs ready to go to work at the hospice. She’d wanted to tell him she’d rearranged her wardrobe to make a bit more room for his clothes, but he seemed deep in conversation. Squeezing past where he sat on the end of the bed, she collected her uniform from its hanger, grabbed a scrunchie from the dressing table and hitched up her hair, giving him a smile through the mirror as she did.
Steve reciprocated and then furrowed his brow as he turned his attention back to his phone. ‘No, no problem,’ he said to whoever he was talking to. ‘I’m sure she’ll be fine about it. It’s just, wouldn’t it be better if you brought Ollie along to meet the two of us together?’
Halfway into her uniform, Laura paused, her stomach somersaulting. He was talking to his ex. They were obviously discussing her meeting Ollie with a view to him coming here. Steve was desperate to maintain regular contact with his son, for him to start visiting now he was moving in, hopefully staying alternate weekends. Laura was desperate to meet him. With Steve’s help, she’d been busy turning the box room into a little boy’s dream room. But now, realising a meet-up might be imminent, she felt a chill of trepidation run through her. What if he didn’t take to her? She couldn’t bear that.
‘Yes, I get you’d want to check her out …’ His expression awkward, Steve’s gaze flicked again to Laura.
She turned away on the pretext of slipping her feet into her shoes. She was aware of her hands shaking as she fastened her buttons. She’d mentally prepared herself for this, or thought she had, trying to eliminate anything that would turn her into an incoherent fool, namely stress. She’d forced herself to remain calm, practising talking out loud when she was on her own. She’d even tried recording herself. Running through what she wanted to say beforehand, she was fluent. As soon as she started recording, though, her lips would jam and she would stammer and stutter, finding it almost impossible to spit the words out.
She so wanted their first meeting to go well, to put little Ollie at his ease and welcome him into her life. She was determined to look after him as if he were her own. She didn’t intend to say that to his mother, of course. It would be bound to bring the woman’s maternal instincts out and make her protective. That was only natural. Laura would quite understand if Sarah didn’t immediately trust her, but she hoped she might like her. She and Steve had been separated such a short time, though. It was more likely she would hate her. Laura was, in effect, her replacement after all.
The lack of confidence her mother had instilled in her threatening to stress her out and cause the very thing she was trying to avoid, she willed herself to try to think more positively. Even if she didn’t get on with her mother, she got along with the women at work, and the residents all liked her. One sweet old lady, Annie, who always had a warm twinkle in her eye whenever Laura popped into her room to see her, even said she wished she’d had her for a daughter. Laura wished she’d had Annie for a mother. She might not have spent her childhood in purgatory then.
‘I do understand, Sarah,’ she heard Steve say as she tried to quash the panic rising inside her. ‘I would want to do the same. It just seems a bit over-cautious, that’s all. She’s not a serial killer or a child molester. She’s—’
He stopped, sighing heavily. ‘Yes, sorry. I know it’s not a joking matter. I’ll have a word and call you back, okay?’
Another pause, while the knot in Laura’s tummy twisted itself tighter. ‘Right, yes. It’s a bit short notice, but as I say, I’ll have a word and get back. Bye, Sarah. Give Ollie my love.’
Shaking his head in despair, he got to his feet and walked towards her. ‘Sorry about that. It was Sarah,’ he said unnecessarily. ‘She wants to meet.’
‘Oh. Okay.’ Swallowing back her apprehension, Laura nodded and smiled and tried to convince herself that his ex would probably be as anxious as she was. It wouldn’t be an easy meeting for her either. The post-separation wounds, Laura knew, would still be raw.
‘The thing is …’ Hesitating, Steve looked her over worriedly. ‘She wants to meet you on your own. Just the two of you.’
Oh God, no. Laura’s heart lurched. That was the worst possible scenario. She couldn’t do that. Be alone with the woman. Have a whole conversation with her without Steve to step in and rescue her when she got tongue-tied.
‘It’s just to get to know you,’ he added, plainly sensing her alarm. ‘You know, for you both to get to know each other before Ollie comes for a visit. I thought it might not be a bad idea. That way everybody will be at their ease, won’t they?’
Laura felt the blood drain from her face. No, they wouldn’t. It was a bad idea. A terrible idea. She would feel like a complete idiot, which people always assumed she was when she stammered and stumbled over her words. Or said nothing at all, which made her look even worse. ‘B-b-but …’ she started, completely forgetting her strategy of avoiding trigger words when she was nervous.
‘Hey.’ Steve stepped towards her, placing his hands gently on her arms. ‘It’s okay. She doesn’t bite,’ he attempted to reassure her. ‘She’s not going to judge you, Laura. Sarah’s not like that.’
Of course she would. People did. It was a fact. And this woman would have more reason to want to think badly of her than anyone. Surely Steve wasn’t naïve enough to believe that she wouldn’t? ‘Ican’t,’ she finally blurted. ‘I can’t, Steve,’ she implored.
‘Come on, come here.’ Steve drew her gently to him. ‘Breathe. Speak slowly and you’ll be fine,’ he encouraged her, reminding her of the management techniques her speech therapist had taught her.
Laura nodded into his shoulder and pulled air slowly into her lungs. Her intuition about him hadn’t been wrong. She’d known he was the kind of man who wouldn’t ridicule her.
‘Okay?’ he asked after a second.
She answered with another small nod.
‘So, do you want to tell me what you’re worrying about?’ he coaxed her.
‘I’llmmmess it up.’ She forced the words out. ‘She’ll think I’m a b-b-bad influence.’
‘No she won’t.’ Steve laughed kindly. ‘Sarah’s okay, I promise. She’s not looking for reasons not to like you. If I know her, she’ll be wanting to find out a bit about you so she can prepare Ollie before he meets you. She’ll be looking to make friends with you for his sake. She’s a kind person, Laura. She won’t be judging you.’
Laura felt a sliver of relief, but still she was troubled. The woman obviously wanted to meet her on her own precisely because she did want to assess her. Laura would do the same in her shoes. Steve might think Sarah was kindness itself, but Laura couldn’t see how she wouldn’t be measuring up the new woman in his life. He was the father of her child, after all. She couldn’t bear for it all to go wrong after all her planning and preparation. She’d worked so hard to make this happen.
