‘With practice,’ Emily said, very aware that Fran was desperate to advertise that she’d been in a state of undress on her drive not so long ago. She thanked God it was lunchtime and there were no patients waiting in reception. The colour of her pyjamas would be common knowledge by teatime.
‘Have you heard the latest?’ Nicky lowered her voice as Emily sat down at her PC, about to pull up the drug orders.
Emily braced herself. ‘No,’ she said, her eyes on her screen.
Nicky waited a second, watching Fran as she disappeared towards Tom’s office. Then: ‘They didn’t find anything,’ she whispered. ‘The police. They haven’t checked Tom’s printer yet, but they haven’t been able to match up any of the other printers.’
Emily felt a huge surge of relief run through her. She’d thought Nicky was about to say something about the medication Jake claimed had gone missing. He clearly hadn’t mentioned it to anyone else. But why wouldn’t he have? Her relief was short-lived as she considered that it was probably because he had made up his mind that she was responsible and wasn’t sure what to do about it.
‘They haven’t been able to get any forensics either,’ Nicky went on with a sigh. ‘No fingerprints on the letters or envelopes, no handy CCTV footage of anyone posting letters though doors. I heard them talking to Jake. He’s obviously worried sick, isn’t he? He’s been walking around with a permanent frown …’ She trailed off as Jake himself appeared, frowning pensively, as Nicky had said, his complexion pale and looking so exhausted that, even with what was happening between them and the awful things he’d said to her, Emily felt for him.
Coming around the desk, he smiled at her. A short smile that didn’t reach his eyes. He looked distracted, uncomfortable. Emily willed back the tears that stung her eyes. She couldn’t function if she was permanently crying. She wasn’t sure she would ever function properly again. ‘Okay?’ he asked her, his expression a combination of sadness and regret.
He could never feel as awful as she did. She felt as if he were slowly ripping her heart from inside her. ‘Yes, thanks,’ she said, arranging her face into a smile.
He nodded and plunged his hands in his pockets. ‘I had a call from Sally,’ he said awkwardly. ‘She’s going to be off for a while.’
‘Oh no.’ Nicky looked up at him worriedly. ‘Is she poorly?’
Emily glanced down. Knowing why Sally was off, and learning that she’d communicated directly with Jake rather than just ringing in sick, she felt almost bereft. ‘I’m just off to make tea,’ she said, swallowing back her tears as she heaved herself to her feet. ‘Anyone want one?’
‘No,’ she heard Nicky say behind her. ‘Thanks, I’ve just had one.’
Tom’s door was open as she passed it, Fran’s tones drifting from inside his office. Emily didn’t need to guess what the topic of conversation was. ‘… She’s usually so efficient, as well, always here on the dot up until recently.’ She heard the tail end of Fran’s remark and guessed she was filling Tom in on the terrible pyjama crime. ‘Are they going through a bit of a rough patch?’
Tom had obviously picked up on the prying edge to her tone. ‘I’ve no idea, Fran. It’s really none of our business, is it?’ he replied curtly, to his credit.
Fran was silent for a minute, astoundingly. Then: ‘There’s no need to be quite so sharp, Tom,’ she said, evidently put out. ‘I was only enquiring.’
‘Yes, so I gathered.’ Tom sighed knowingly. ‘I don’t have the inclination or the time to chat about other people’s problems, though. I have patients due.’
‘I see,’ Fran answered, after another pause. ‘You never do have time to chat, do you, Tom? Considering how close we once were, I find that quite hurtful.’
Close?Fran and Tom had had a relationship? Emily’s eyes widened with surprise. It seemed they might well have done. Was that what her comment about privileges had been about? Edward was obviously right. The woman was jealous. Ofher. She had everything, after all, didn’t she? A well-paid job. A marriage to a handsome doctor who in everyone else’s eyes was a good man, caring, faithful. She was living the luxurious life Fran had imagined for herself. Emily was almost tempted to put her right.
Thirty-Three
Jake
Reading over the text he’d typed, Jake hesitated before sending it. Telling Emily he was spending the night at the surgery would only make the situation between them worse. Could it get any worse, though? he wondered despairingly. Doubtless she wouldn’t believe he was here anyway, probably imagining he was off with another woman. However, he’d found out today that the CCTV at the back of the office had been tampered with, indicating that someone was possibly entering the premises at night, so he didn’t have any other choice but to watch and wait and hope he would catch them in the act. There was no sign of a forced entry, so whoever it was had a set of keys. It clearly wasn’t Emily taking medication from the safe, he now realised, once again bitterly regretting having accused her. If she’d wanted to do that, she had many opportunities when she was here on her own. She would have no reason to sneak in out of hours. She’d been forgetful, unable to concentrate even before the trouble between them – Jake’s gut twisted as he reminded himself that that might have something to do with the drugs she’d been ingesting. It was feasible therefore that someone had taken her keys and copied them without her knowing.
Sighing, he hit send, guessing she wouldn’t reply. He’d texted her earlier asking how she was. She hadn’t responded. He wished she would talk to him, if only in a professional capacity. Now that they’d eliminated all conceivable sources of the drug, disposing of any vitamins she’d been taking at home and at the surgery, writing out a new prescription for her iron tablets, and making sure she only swallowed food and drink she’d prepared for herself, she would be going through withdrawal symptoms: aches and pains, mood swings, poor sleep, feeling that people were out to get her – him, mainly – even hallucinations. She would be terrified dealing with that on her own, which was all thanks to him.
Taking her aside after delivering her blood sample, he’d asked her if she wanted any medication to help ease the symptoms of coming off amphetamines. She’d refused – she couldn’t trust her GP, after all, could she? Christ, he wished he’d handled things better, taken a step back and looked at things less emotively. He’d said she was being paranoid. She was. It was obvious why now, but his reaction hadn’t helped. He’d immediately been defensive, which could only have fuelled her fears, and he’d made some brutal accusations. He was losing her. Because of his own inexcusable behaviour, his world was disintegrating. He would lose his kids too, the only family he’d felt he’d ever had. His gut wrenched as he felt it again, the loneliness that had been his constant companion until he’d met Emily, the woman he’d felt safe opening up to, the woman he loved. He always had. There didn’t seem any way to convince her of that now. She was deeply suspicious of him. He couldn’t escape the fact that she was right to be.
Checking his phone in the hope of a reply and finding none, he sighed in despair and toyed with the idea of ringing Ben and asking him to check on her; then decided against it. His son wasn’t busting a gut to speak to him either. He’d rejected his two previous calls, making his point succinctly. Jake didn’t blame him. He was very aware of the bewilderment and anger Ben would be feeling, the impotency of watching his parents’ marriage disintegrate and knowing there was nothing he could do to stop it.
Not sure whether Millie would be keen to talk to him either, he debated for a second, then braced himself and called her. He was surprised when she answered. ‘Hey,’ he said uncertainly. ‘How’s things?’
‘Not great,’ Millie replied bluntly. ‘Not likely to be, really, are they?’
Jake’s heart dropped. What else had he expected her to say? ‘Not out with the boyfriend tonight then?’ he asked, careful to keep any hint of disapproval from his voice. He had no idea who it was she was seeing, and despite telling Emily she was overreacting, that she should allow Millie to make her own mistakes, he’d been quietly worrying. Emily had said he was older. Jake had begun to wonder how much older. And how long Millie had been seeing him. If it was serious, it had occurred to him also to wonder why they knew nothing about him. DS Regan obviously hadn’t contacted her yet. Jake was pretty sure Millie would have shared that information if she had.
‘No. Did you want to speak to Mum?’ She cut the subject dead, sending a ripple of apprehension down his spine. ‘She’s lying down so her phone’s probably off. I could go and get her if you like.’
‘No, don’t disturb her. She’s still struggling with this viral infection,’ Jake lied, for Emily’s sake. He doubted she would want the kids to know about the amphetamines. ‘Could you give her a message for me? I texted her but she might not have seen it.’
‘Shoot,’ Millie said.
