‘I think we can work with that,’ Mum said, clearly relieved at having the dilemma solved. ‘Our garden has more sticks and leaves than it has flowers, doesn’t it, Poppy?’ Giving Jenny a conspiratorial roll of her eyes, she squeezed her daughter’s hand and then, mouthing, ‘Thanks,’ turned to head for the gates.
Watching Poppy chatting to her mum as they went, Jenny felt a sense of pride. This was what had kept her going through her recent heartbreak; her interaction with the children. There was nothing more rewarding than seeing them blossom, knowing that she’d played a small part in shaping what would hopefully be a positive future. Contentment settling inside her, she went back to the school to collect her coat and bag.
Digging into the bag for her car keys, she found the envelope that had plopped through her letter box this morning. She’d stuffed it into her bag unopened, as she was running late. Climbing into her car, she dumped her bag on the passenger seat and pulled the envelope out, turning it over to look for clues as to who it was from. It was a plain white self-seal with a typed address. No stamp, she noted, and assumed it was from someone local. A parent of one of her pupils, possibly?
Thinking no more of it, she tore open the envelope, pulled out the page inside and unfolded it. As she read it, her stomach turned over. Panic constricting her chest, she took several slow breaths, then, with trembling fingers, pushed the note back into the envelope and placed it on the passenger seat. It looked so innocuous. Not the sort of correspondence that would shatter the recipient’s world.
It was strange really. She’d known this day would come. She reached back into her bag, drawing out the tablets prescribed by Jake Merriden. Then, feeling calmer for knowing they were there, she pushed the key into the ignition of her little white Mini and listened fondly to its familiar cough. It was ancient. Still, she loved it. She’d been reluctant to part with it. She’d never aspired to fancy cars or foreign holidays. She preferred to holiday at home, loved the slow pace of life here in the village. The school was all she’d really needed. Seeing the smile in the eyes of a child was her reason to keep going.
Poppy’s story about her strong princess making it to the riverbank on a raft made out of sticks and leaves would be beautiful. It broke Jenny’s heart that she wouldn’t be there to hear it.
Twenty-One
Millie
Concerned about disturbing her boyfriend, who lay snoring quietly beside her, Millie lay still, watching the treetops sway in the soft breeze outside his second-floor flat. What was she doing here? she wondered, wiping away the slow tear that slid from the corner of her eye. She loved Louis, got that flip in her tummy whenever she thought about him, but this wasn’t how it was supposed to be, she was sure. She’d imagined making love would be special. A sensual discovery of each other emotionally and physically that would bring them closer and bind them together forever.
This wasn’t any of that. She’d bunked off biology, which she really couldn’t afford to do – her mum would go spare if she knew – to come to his flat. This was the second time she’d been here, the third time they’d had sex, and still there’d been no mood-setting, no foreplay, no sweet endearments or whisperings of love, which she longed to hear.
Her first time hadn’t been anything like she’d hoped it would be. Basic sex in the back of his car, it had been rushed and actually quite rough. Painful, too, though she hadn’t told him that.So what were you hoping for when you agreed to come, then? Rose petals scattered on the bed? Soft music and scented candles? Christ, grow up, Millie.She was always going on at her mum not to treat her like a child, and here she was acting just like one because there hadn’t been flowers and violins and exploding white lights. But wasn’t that what she’d liked about Louis: the fact that he was the kind of man who knew what he wanted and went for it? He’d wanted her. He’d told her so. In fact it was the very first thing he’d said to her. Waiting for her outside the nightclub, he’d caught hold of her arm as she’d come out, leaned into her and whispered, ‘You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I want you.’ She could hardly believe his arrogance, but she couldn’t deny that the huskiness in his voice and the intense look in his eyes had sent a thrill of excitement through the entire length of her spine.
She’d noticed him watching her in the club, never taking his eyes off her as she’d danced with Anna. He was a bit old to be at Tramps, she thought at first, but he was bloody good-looking – had that dark, broody thing going on. Also, he was tall, tanned and muscular from working outdoors, definitely her type. She didn’t mind that he was an odd-jobbing builder, grabbing work where he could. He’d had a tough childhood. The oldest of four children of a single mother, he’d had to leave school at sixteen with few qualifications and take whatever job he could to provide for them all, he’d told her. He’d had few opportunities in life, but he’d made the best of his situation. He still looked after his mother, who was sick, apparently, making sure she had everything she needed. That couldn’t be easy for him with bills to pay on the house his ex-wife still lived in until it was sold, and debts to pay off, one of which was pressing. Millie respected him for caring enough to do that, loved him all the more because of it. She doubted her mum would approve of him, though, particularly given the age gap between them. Him being thirty was no big deal in Millie’s mind. Most women went out with older men, didn’t they? Sally’s husband, Dave, was ten years older than her.
Her mum was bound to think it was a big deal, though. She banged on endlessly about Millie not being distracted or dictated to by anyone and doing something with her life. Wasn’tshedictating, though, telling her she had to get her grades up, study hard, go to uni? Louis thought she was lucky having parents who were loaded and gave a stuff about her. Millie wasn’t so sure sometimes. It was hard trying to live up to her mum’s expectations.
Emily had warned her several times not to make the same mistakes she’d made. Millie despaired of that – her mum couldn’t see that she was basically saying that she and Ben were her mistakes. That she thought being married to her dad was a mistake. Despite all that, Millie had always thought their marriage was strong, that they were okay together, but from the shit going down now, they clearly weren’t. The smile seemed to have gone from her dad’s eyes. He looked nothing but worried and miserable. As for her mum, she seemed to be off the bloody wall, ranting on at him constantly, which she’d never done before; accusing him of being unfaithful.
Her dad wasn’t perfect, but Millie could never imagine him doingthat. He had been working late a lot while taking over the practice, which she thought was understandable – he’d barely moved from his desk whenever she’d gone in with him on a Saturday – but he was always bringing her mum flowers, and she thought that was dead romantic. He listened to her – or he had before all this started – always looked at her with affection. He helped out around the house whenever he could. He even brought her tea in bed and massaged her shoulders when she felt tired, which seemed to be permanently recently. Was there a reason for that? Millie wondered, worrying quietly. But then she dismissed it. Her dad would know if there was. He wouldn’t be looking at Mum now with nothing but bewilderment in his eyes.
Would they split up? She didn’t want them to. She wasn’t sure she could bear it at home if her dad wasn’t around to lighten things. Goosebumps prickling her skin, she pulled up the sheet that was half covering her body and twisted her head to look at the man she’d given her virginity, her heart and her soul to. She was reassured when she felt that familiar little flip in her tummy. Things would get better, she was sure they would. She just had to be brave and explain to him what she wanted. She was a grown woman, after all. She could bring the scented candles and set the mood. It was way outdated to expect the man to do all the romancing.
He had extraordinary eyelashes, impossibly long; they almost brushed his high cheekbones as he slept. Studying him, she was tempted to reach out and touch them. A five o’clock shadow darkened his strong features, which only added to his rugged good looks. She hadn’t minded that it had been scratchy while they’d made love. He’d been desperate, frustrated, counting the days since the last time, he’d said, deep longing in his cobalt eyes as he’d pulled her into his arms, which Millie supposed was quite romantic.
She hadn’t been sure about going all the way with him at first. She’d wanted to take things more slowly, but she couldn’t expect him to live like a monk. He was a man, not some inexperienced kid hoping to lose hisvirginity, like the boys she’d dated previously.Herman. She didn’t know what the future held. She wanted to do her veterinary course. That had been her choice; her mum and dad weren’t pressuring her to go in any particular direction, though there was no doubt her dad was pleased, probably more so because Ben showed no inclination towards the sciences. Her mum was more concerned about her seeing through whatever it was she chose to do.
Millie wasn’t sure she wanted to study to be a veterinary nurse more than being with Louis, though. She loved him. Her hand strayed to his chest, her fingers tiptoeing downwards to trace the thin line of hair that disappeared below sheet level. She didn’t care that her parents would probably go apoplectic about his age. She wanted to be with him. She could do both, couldn’t she? Having a serious relationship didn’t mean she couldn’t apply herself to her studies. It would only make her more determined. She was doing all she could to help him pay off the man who was pressurising him for money; being dishonest, she reminded herself, a huge lump of guilt constricting her throat. Her parents would definitely freak out if they knew about that. Once she was earning money of her own, though, she could help out more, contribute to a place a bit more luxurious than the flat above the empty car workshop he was living in, which stank of oil. When the time was right, and when she’d plucked up the courage, she’d tell them that she intended to move in with him as soon as he asked her. She’d dropped subtle hints about it to him and was sure he would, now they were in a meaningful relationship.
‘Shit…’ She jumped as he moved suddenly to catch hold of her hand. ‘You almost gave me a heart attack.’
His mouth curved into a slow, suggestive smile. ‘That’s nothing to what you’re giving me, sweet cup.’ Nodding down to his groin area, he looked back at her with that same deep desire he’d had in his eyes when she’d arrived. ‘I want you,’ he said, his voice low and husky.
Tugging the sheet aside, he leaned over her, straddling her before she could stop him.
‘Not yet.’ She smiled nervously and pressed her hands to his chest.
A flicker of impatience in his eyes, he scanned her face questioningly.
‘I’m … a bit sore,’ she said, hoping he would understand. He’d had other relationships. Many. Of course he had, at his age. With his looks, he could have his pick of any woman he fancied, which was why she was keen to move in with him where she could keep an eye on him. Meanwhile, though, she desperately didn’t want to disappoint him.
‘I’ll be gentle,’ he promised, his mouth hungrily seeking hers.
‘I can’t.’ She used a little more force. ‘I … Oh fuck!’
‘What?’ Louis said, taken aback as she slithered hastily from underneath him. ‘You just woke me up. Why would you do that when I’ve been working since the crack of dawn unless you—’
‘I’m late.’ Millie flew around the room picking up her clothes and tugging them on. ‘I’m supposed to be going out for a meal with my mum.’
‘Yeah, right.’ Louis reached agitatedly to grab his smokes from the bedside table. ‘Give her my love.’
