‘Do that.’ Kim gave him a reassuring smile. ‘And don’t forget, if you ever need to talk, I have an ear. Two, actually.’
This time he managed a half-hearted smile in return.
‘You need someone to be there for you too, you know,’ she said carefully. ‘We all need that.’
Adam glanced down, his troubled gaze now on the thumb she was gliding across his injured knuckles.
‘You’re human, Adam. It’s not a weakness to admit it. You’ll get through this,’ she assured him.
Adam eased his hand away. ‘I’d better get back,’ he said, nodding past her to where Cassie was hurrying anxiously towards them. ‘I’ll call you and let you know how things go.’
Thirty-Seven
Cassandra
Straightening up from where she was kneeling digging in the garden, Cassie wiped the back of her hand across her forehead and gazed towards the patio, where Samuel gurgled happily on his play mat. She was so relieved that Kim had accepted her apology, which she had been more than willing to offer to ensure future contact with Samuel. They’d been right, of course. She shouldn’t have left him, not even for a second. She wasn’t sure what she’d been thinking.
Adam had been less forgiving, insisting she should talk to someone, for the sake of her relationship with Kim if nothing else. Cassie couldn’t help but wonder whether it washisrelationship with Kim he was concerned about. Still, she’d bitten her tongue, agreed to make an appointment and apologised to him too.
‘Thanks,’ he’d said, relief flooding his face. ‘For agreeing to make the appointment, not the apology. I don’t need that, Cas. I just need you to be well.’
Hearing another gurgle from Samuel that was almost a chuckle, she smiled sadly. She didn’t think counselling would help. She’d done what she’d had to do to buy her some time with her grandson.
And she had clearly won Kim’s trust. She’d had Samuel here three times over the last two weeks. The first time for just an hour, while Kim went to a dental appointment. Cassie had suspected it had been concocted by Kim and Adam, a trial of sorts to assess whether she was well enough to look after him. She had smiled quietly at the obviousness of it. She might be neurotic and obsessive at times, but she wasn’t blind. She hadn’t missed Kim smiling girlishly at Adam when he’d offered her a lift to her cardio dance class on his way into work.
She hadn’t missed what she was wearing either: white leggings and a white sports top with flesh-revealing mesh panels that showed off her slim figure. She was lucky not to have carried much weight while she’d been pregnant, Cassie mused. She herself had piled on the pounds.
Despite her fears that Kim’s workout might not be the sort that generally took place in a gym, Cassie was happy to let her go, leaving her to tend the garden and look after little Samuel. In allowing her access to him, Kim knew where her interests lay. She always had, Cassie was in no doubt of that. She’d come to them distraught, with Josh’s baby. A vulnerable young thing, guilty of nothing but falling in love with a man and being too poor to bring up his child on her own when tragedy struck. Cassie wasn’t as gullible as she appeared, however. She was very aware that Kim wasn’t the picture of innocence she pretended to be. It had taken a certain amount of guile to approach them in the first place. She’d had an agenda. She’d needed money up front to secure her house. She’d wanted furnishings, financial support for the foreseeable future. Cassie had been fine with that. Everything was a means to an end, after all, and the girl had been owed that much in her mind, if not more. She’d brought Samuel into her life, and Cassie would be eternally grateful for that. Now, though, it was apparent she wanted more. The question was: was Adam obliging? Cassie hadn’t seen much affection in his eyes for her lately. Concern, yes. His affection for Kim, though, that was obvious. All that whispering and touchy-feely body language between them… He couldn’t keep his hands off her. Had he had sex with her yet?
Her heart lurched as she imagined him sharing that kind of intimacy with the mother of her son’s child. A woman who was not much more than a child herself – ripe forbidden fruit, all the better for being so.
She turned her face skywards. The late-autumn sun was warm, the smell of freshly mown grass piquant on the air. The last cut of the year? she wondered. Seasons changed, plants withered and died, giving way to vibrant new buds; such was the cycle of life. Josh had gone.Ashes to ashes. She stopped breathing, her trowel grating against the grit and dirt as she jabbed it into the freshly dug earth. His child lived. Cassie would do whatever she had to to make sure he stayed in her life. She would keep quiet for the moment, but she too would make plans, as Kim and Adam possibly were. She would not let them, or the woman who was texting her, threatening her, take her grandson from her. He was all she had left now.
Finding her preparation of the ground for the new rose bushes she intended to plant therapeutic, Cassie continued digging, images of Josh as a young boy floating through her mind. She pictured him tramping through the mud in his red wellington boots, rosy-cheeked and happy as he helped her tend their vegetable garden. Everything had been so perfect. How did it all go so wrong? Wiping away a salty tear, she concentrated on her manual labours. She was tugging at a particularly persistent weed when her mobile rang from the patio table.
Damn.She pulled off her gardening gloves and headed quickly to the patio. Having finally contacted Jemma via text, she’d meant to keep the phone by her. Wetting her dry lips with her tongue, she hesitated before picking up. They’d agreed to have no contact unless it was absolutely urgent. Jemma had been desperate not to, in fact. Sure now, though, that Kim had lied about knowing her, Cassie had no choice but to speak to her. She had to know whether Jemma had shared anything they’d both sworn to keep secret.
‘I have to tell him,’ Jemma blurted, as soon as Cassie answered.
Caught off guard, Cassie tugged in a sharp breath. ‘But… why?’ she stuttered. ‘What good can it possibly do now?’
‘He has a right toknow,’ Jemma said, going back on everything she’d said previously: that she would do anything to stop Ryan finding out. ‘I can’t keep lying to him, Cassie. I justcan’t.’
Cassie felt a kernel of anger tighten inside her. Jemma wanted to do this now? After all that had happened? She’d denied herself contact with the child, fearing she would grieve the loss of him too. She’d made a clean break, for all of their sakes. Better that than try to maintain contact, which might have alerted Ryan. It had almost killed her. Had Jemma considered that?
‘Just like Josh had rights, Jemma?’ she asked, a hard edge to her voice. ‘Feelings? Did you consider those when you decided it would be a fun thing to lead him on? Have sex with him without once thinking what the consequences might be?’
‘That’s not fair, Cassie. I wasn’t well at the time. You know what I’d been through.’ Jemma’s voice trembled.
Cassie did know. Jemma had blurted the whole story out when she’d first come to her, telling her about her miscarriage, her depression. Cassie had sympathised. How could she not, having been there herself not once, but twice?
It had been too late to try to convince her not to have the baby. She’d been too far into her pregnancy and had clearly wanted it. Though it broke her heart, Cassie had had to do all she could to help Jemma save her marriage and to protect Josh. They’d agreed that the only way forward would be to prevent Josh being involved in the child’s life. If there’d been a DNA test, the truth might have come out. It would have been devastating for everyone: Josh, Ryan, Adam, Cassie herself. Jemma had understood why. Cassie hadn’t pressurised her – the girl had been aware that if the facts became known, her relationship with Ryan would stand no chance of surviving. She’d been grateful for the money Cassie had given her, which she’d hoped would at least ensure the child had a secure future. And now here she was, out of the blue…
Josh wasdead. She couldn’t let Jemma drag it all up. Her own marriage might be crumbling, but Cassie intended to fight for it, to fight for contact with Samuel. If the truth came out, it would be fodder for Kim to use against her. She couldn’t let her.
‘You can’t tell him, Jemma. It would be suicide after all this time, don’t you see?’
‘But why?’ Jemma asked tearfully. ‘Things have changed, haven’t they, with Josh…’ She faltered. ‘I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be insensitive. I just want to be honest with Ryan. I have to.’
