Kim said nothing, which gave her the answer. Clearly her father wasn’t the sort of man you would trust with an older child either. What kind of existence did she have? What kind of existence would that tiny baby have? This had been Kim’s thinking, why she’d come to them in the first place. She was trying to find a way out of her appalling situation, looking at renting somewhere, a place of safety for her and her baby. She’d struggled through the birth and the first months of his life on her own. She’d needed sympathy and understanding, financial help – obviously she would need that – which they could afford. And instead, all she’d met with was suspicion.
Adam pushed his key into the lock and came through the door as she tried to think what to do. Cassie acknowledged him with a small smile and continued her conversation. ‘I could come over there,’ she suggested hopefully. ‘We could perhaps go for a coffee or something.’
‘Maybe.’ Still Kim was hesitant. Then, ‘You’d have to give me an hour,’ she said. ‘I have to change Samuel and get Jack into bed. Don’t knock on the door when you arrive, though. I’ll keep an eye out for you.’
Cassie released a breath she hadn’t realised she’d been holding. ‘I’ll be outside in an hour,’ she promised, ending the call and turning back to Adam.
‘Outside where in an hour?’ he asked, frowning curiously.
‘Kim’s house. She contacted me. We need to talk to her, Adam. We have to. We can’t let her just disappear from our lives. She came here for our help and we as good as turned her away. I think she’s decided to put the baby up for adoption. I can’t let her go through with it just because she feels she has no choice. We’re talking about Josh’s child. Surely you must know how much this means to me?’
‘Of course I do.’ Adam sighed but looked reticent. ‘I’m just…’
‘What?’ Squeezing back tears, Cassie scanned his face, bewildered. She didn’t understand. This wasn’t like Adam. He’d loved Josh unreservedly. Surely this baby meant as much to him as it did to her? Unless… He’d been through so much, her illness, losing Josh, giving up the option of having children of his own to be with her. Was it that he didn’t want to commit to such a huge responsibility because he might no longer want to be committed to her? God, Cassie hoped that wasn’t it. She couldn’t bear to lose him too. ‘The baby’s our grandson, Adam,’ she appealed to him, her heart faltering uncertainly. ‘Why are you so reluctant? I don’t—’
‘Because I’m scared!’ Adam raised his voice, causing her to jolt. ‘I’m scared, Cas,’ he repeated, more quietly. ‘What if it’s not Josh’s baby? What if it is and she’s already looking at some illegal private adoption arrangement? There are millions of people out there ready to pay vast sums of money for a child. What do we do if she’s already put the wheels in motion?’
Cassie wasn’t sure what to say. She’d hated herself for thinking it, but after Adam’s initial reaction, the thought had occurred to her that Kim might be after a one-off payment. That she would relinquish the baby’s care to them only if she was sufficiently remunerated. But what if, even after they’d paid her, she wouldn’t allow them to take the baby? What then? Cassie had no idea where they would stand legally. And the absolute last thing she would want would be to have the police involved, digging into Josh’s history.
‘Aren’t you wondering about her story?’ Adam asked. ‘Why would Josh have been out getting drunk, possibly feeling suicidal, according to the police, when he apparently had everything to look forward to? Where was she when all this was going on?’
Cassie was floored by that. ‘I don’t know. I… Perhaps they’d had an argument. They’re both so young, after all. Were…’ She stopped, a wave of grief crashing so forcefully through her it took her breath away.
‘Why didn’t he call me?’ Adam said suddenly, his eyes haunted as he locked them on hers. ‘He texted me to say he would. I tried to call him back but he was on the phone. Toher?Did they argue then? Might that have been why he wasn’t concentrating?’ He searched her face, his expression anguished. ‘Christ,why didn’t he justcall?’ Swallowing slowly, he stopped and glanced away.
‘I… don’t know, Adam,’ Cassie said, feeling wretched for him. He was still blaming himself. It was eating away at him. Was that the basis of his reluctance to accept Kim as genuine? Was he scared of investing emotionally in Josh’s child, only to have him cruelly snatched away too? The hard lump in her chest expanding, she went to him. ‘There was nothing you could have done,’ she said softly. ‘Nothing. Please believe that Josh wouldn’t want you to live the rest of your life in purgatory because you couldn’t do the impossible.’
With a shuddery breath, Adam closed his eyes.
Cassie leant into him, kissing him softly, the salty tears on her lips mingling with his. Easing away from him, she scanned his eyes, which were now shot through with heart-wrenching sadness. ‘We have to do this,’ she whispered. ‘We have to talk to her, despite our uncertainties, try to convince her not to do anything she’ll regret later; be there for her. That’s what Josh would have wanted. Could we really live with ourselves if we didn’t?’
Adam didn’t speak. Taking another deep breath, he nodded slowly, and then pressed his forehead lightly to hers.
Seven
Kimberley
Keeping a watch from the kitchen window an hour later, Kim saw the car pull up, a metallic blue BMW Z4. Adam Colby’s car, she assumed. Cassie drove a white Mini convertible. Kim couldn’t help but feel upset at the way they’d treated her. Would they have made the same assumptions if they weren’t well off? She hadn’t gone to see them demanding anything. She’d gone there scared, vulnerable.
Praying they’d had a change of heart, she headed quickly for the hall, catching a glimpse of the lounge as she passed. Her dad was in his usual chair, glued to the telly with a beer in his hand. She knew that if he got the slightest whiff of money, he would be out after her like a shot, pretending concern, which was absolute bullshit. She could have died at birth and he wouldn’t even have noticed, but for the fact he wouldn’t have had an excuse to wet the baby’s head until he was too paralytic to remember he had one.
Unhitching her jacket, which she’d hung ready on the stair rail, she pulled it on, slipped out of the front door and headed up the path, skirting around the rusty carcass of an ancient Ford Focus that her dad was ‘doing up’. He’d been doing it up since Jack was born, seven years ago. It wasn’t going to go very far without the wheels he’d flogged to some bloke for spare parts, as her mum had pointed out.
Adam, who’d obviously been a good father to Josh despite the awful things he’d said about her, didn’t seem to think much of his efforts. She noticed him eyeing the car through the BMW’s window. Cassie was looking over the front of the house. With a smashed window boarded up upstairs – they were still waiting for the housing association to fix it; her dad was as likely to do it as he was to get a job – and yellowing net at the rest of the windows, it looked exactly like what it was. A sad, neglected property, starved of love inside and out. It was embarrassing, but at least it would convey why she’d been desperate enough to swallow her pride and go to the Colbys.
Cassie climbed out of their car as Kim reached the pavement. ‘Where’s Samuel?’ she asked, glancing anxiously past her.
‘With my friend. Don’t worry, he’s fine. She has a little boy of her own.’
Cassie nodded, but looked troubled. It wasn’t surprising, now she’d seen the circumstances Kim lived in.
‘Would you like to go and find somewhere to have a coffee?’ She smiled kindly. ‘Or we could just sit in the car, if you like.’
‘Do you mind if we drive around?’ Kim glanced nervously behind her. ‘It’s just I haven’t got much time and I’d rather not have my dad interfering.’ It might actually be no bad thing if he did come out. They would at least see what an aggressive Neanderthal he was, but they’d stand little chance of having a conversation.
‘No problem.’ Adam offered her a small smile as she glanced tentatively at him.
Feeling her cheeks burning, Kim dropped her gaze and cursed her pale complexion. She was always nervous under scrutiny, feeling as if she were being judged. She didn’t doubt that that was what was happening here.
