‘Which window, Karla? Please tell me,’ he asks.
‘The bedroom. Our old room,’ I supply. ‘Sarah’s here with me.’
‘Fuck,’ Jason utters. ‘Stay where you are, Karla. Don’t move. Promise me you won’t move.’
‘I’m cold,’ I say instead.
I don’t move though, even when I see my mother appear from the front door, her face horrified as she looks up at me.
‘Karla, please…’ she says wretchedly. ‘Get down, sweetheart. I should have told you; I know I should have. We’ll talk now – I’ll tell you anything you need to know – but… Please get down from there, Karla. For Holly and Josh…’ She breaks off, her voice catching.
Holly.Josh.My babies. My heart constricts. I’m no good to them. They don’t want me. They want their father. But… they needme. I need them. I can’t live without them. Without anything or anyone. ‘He’s taking them,’ I cry. ‘He’s stealing them.’
‘He’s not,’ my mother assures me. ‘I’ve spoken to him. I told him about Michael, Karla. He’s on his way here now. He— Oh, thank God.’
I follow her gaze and my heart rate spikes. He’s here. My husband. A good husband. Was. Once. I look down at him, raw grief flooding through me at the thought of losing him. That I might already have lost him. I thought I could make him love me again, if he remembered who I was. Instead, I’ve made him loathe me.
His face deathly pale, Jason looks up at me. ‘Karla?’ he says softly, and I feel as if my heart might fracture completely.
‘Jason, please do something.’ My mother flies towards him. ‘She won’t budge. The bedroom door’s locked. I’ve tried—’
‘Where thehellhave you been?’ Jason snaps, catching hold of her arms and moving her aside.
‘With Michael,’ she answers ashamedly. ‘He has a wife. I needed to talk to him. I… Jason, none of that matters now. Please—’
‘Christ, you and your fucking husband deserve each other, do you know that?’ Swiping the rain from his face, Jason turns back to me. ‘Karla, please look at me,’ he says, his voice choked.
I don’t answer. I can’t look at him.
Jason takes a step towards the house. ‘Karla, I’m coming in,’ he warns me, a determined edge to his voice. ‘Just stay—’
‘So you’re not coming to meet me then?’ I ask him tauntingly, making sure to accentuate the lilting brogue I know he loves so much. ‘And there was me thinking I’d found me a nice, honest man. Ah well, it’s back to the douches and bad pick-up lines, I suppose.’
‘What?’ Stopping, Jason shakes his head, confounded.
Look at me!I stare down at him, will him to look at me properly, to open his eyes and to realise. ‘You know, you really shouldn’t be going making promises you can’t keep, Jason Connolly.’ I stop – and wait. Watch the colour drain from Jason’s face as he tries to process this, to comprehend that his fantasy, his illusion of the perfect woman, is me.
‘Jesus Christ.’ Emitting a stunned laugh, he squints hard. ‘Jessie?’
‘The woman you want me to be,’ I answer. ‘I was coming to meet you at the airport. I was going to surprise you, but…’ That was my plan, before I got sidetracked by the urgent need to kill the man who is not my father. Would Jason have been disappointed, realising that Jessie was me? I think he would. Perhaps fate intervened for a reason. I don’t think I could have borne that.
‘Karla?’ he asks confusedly. ‘I… Karla, please listen to me. Please, don’t…’ He trails off, struggling, clearly, to know what to say. The rain is spattering his face, wetting his hair, running in rivulets over his high cheekbones. My man. So handsome.
A heartbreaker.
I don’t reply. How can I, when it’s not me he wants.
‘Karla,’ he calls, more forcefully.
It’s Jessie he wants. This part of me, but not all of me. ‘Why are you taking my babies?’ I ask him, pulling my arms tighter about myself, trying to compress all that’s inside me.
‘I’m not taking them,’ Jason assures me. ‘They’re in the car, just around the corner. They’re waiting to see you. Karla,please…’ He stops, his voice cracking. ‘Get down from the window.’
‘Why? You don’t want me,’ I remind him of this painful fact. ‘You’ve forgotten I existed.’
Jason closes his eyes. ‘I didn’t forget you,’ he says hoarsely. ‘I could never – would never. I thought I had to, for the children’s sakes, for your sake.’
Sarah’s not happy with that.Bullshit, she hisses.
