Dehydrated, no doubt. It had gone three o’clock when she’d arrived home last night – or rather, this morning. They didn’t share the same bed any more, but Jason hadn’t been asleep. He’d come through from the spare room to see what was happening after he’d heard the front door open, followed by a crash in the hall. ‘Karla, everything all right?’ he’d called down, concerned when he saw that she was unsteady on her feet.
‘Fine,’ she’d said, precariously repositioning the upturned statue on the hall table and retrieving one of her boots from the floor. ‘Couldn’t be better. Been nightclubbing.’
Waving the boot vaguely around, she’d then attempted to tiptoe up the stairs, almost falling up them as she did. Worried she was going to stumble backwards down them when she wobbled at the top, Jason had gone to try to help her.
‘Don’t.’ She’d recoiled in an instant, staggering and very nearly doing what he was trying to avoid. ‘Just don’t. Please.’ That had hurt, that she found his touch so unbearable.
She wouldn’t even look at him.
Trying not to imagine how she would feel if she knew all there was to know about him, he sucked in a breath and concentrated on his cleaning endeavours, glancing up at their son as he did. Josh was doing as he’d asked, pouring the milk carefully on his Coco Pops and then shaking the carton close to his ear to check he’d left enough milk for his mum. He didn’t ask where she was. Neither of them did. They knew she would make an appearance eventually.
‘We’ll be late, Dad,’ Holly reminded him, collecting up her bowl and heading for the bin to scrape most of the contents away. Jason felt for her. He hadn’t realised how useless he was at this. He’d never had to do it, other than the odd few times. He would improve. He had to. Wherever he might end up, he had no intention of losing touch with his kids. At one point, he’d felt they were all he had to live for.
‘I know. Don’t worry, I’ll ring the school and explain.’ Straightening up, Jason mustered a smile. ‘Go up and brush your teeth, sweetheart. I won’t be long.’
Sighing, Holly walked across to the dishwasher. ‘Are you going to shave?’ she asked him, a concerned frown crossing her face as she looked him over.
‘I’ll do it in the office,’ he assured her, aware that his own dishevelled appearance was probably as destabilising for them as everything else. ‘Go on, scoot. You, too, Josh. And don’t forget to brush properly – with toothpaste.’
‘I won’t,’ Josh said through a mouthful of Coco Pops, as if he didn’t regularly forget. ‘I’m still eating.’
‘Well, hurryup.’ Holly shot him a despairing glance as she headed for the hall. ‘Dad has to go to work.’
Watching her go, Jason felt his heart sink. She was sounding more grown up every day, because she felt she had to be, that it was her responsibility to be adult around grown-ups who were acting like children. Having felt exactly that way as a child, it was the last thing Jason had wanted for his kids, but he had no way to fix it.
‘Oh.’ Holly stopped at the kitchen door. ‘Morning,’ she said, sounding majorly unimpressed.
Following her gaze, Jason could see why. Karla had made an effort, pulling on tracksuit bottoms and a T-shirt, but the fact was she looked pale and drawn, and more dishevelled than he did. Jason’s heart sank another inch. As much as he would like to undo all that had happened and take away the horrendous hurt he knew she was feeling, he couldn’t. It simply wasn’t within his power.
‘You’d better get your skates on,’ Karla said, with a cautious smile, ‘or you’ll be late.’
‘Like you care.’ Her forehead knitting into a scowl, Holly eyed her mother reproachfully.
‘Of course Icare.’ Karla laughed, taken aback. ‘I’m sorry I wasn’t up, sweetheart. I wasn’t feeling too well.’
‘Again.’ Holly stepped away from her pointedly. ‘Maybe you should stop drinking so much, and then you might feel better,’ she suggested, oozing sarcasm.
‘Holly…’ Bewildered, Karla spun around as Holly flounced past her to the hall.
‘I can smell it, Mum,’ Holly informed her, her tone flat as she thumped up the stairs.
Turning back, Karla glanced dazedly in Jason’s direction and then wrapped her arms about herself and dropped her gaze to the floor.
‘All right?’ Jason asked, taking a tentative step towards her.
‘Fine,’ Karla snapped. ‘Why wouldn’t I be?’
Josh scooped the last of his cereal into his mouth and scrambled off his chair in record time. ‘I’ll go grab my rucksack,’ he mumbled, wiping his hand over his mouth and skidding out after Holly.
‘Don’t forget to brush your teeth,’ Karla called after him.
‘Iknow,’ Josh said over his shoulder. ‘You don’t have to keep bloody welltellingme.’
‘What?’ Karla whirled around again. ‘Josh, come back here.’
‘I can’t! I’m late,’ Josh shouted back.
‘Now, Josh.’ Her expression disbelieving, Karla started towards the stairs, and then stopped as Josh’s bedroom door slammed resoundingly overhead.
