Jason shook his head. ‘I guess not, no.’
‘Do you still care for her?’ Jessie asked intuitively.
‘Very much,’ Jason answered straight off.
Jessie hesitated. ‘As in, you’re still in love with her?’
‘Honestly…’ Sighing deeply, Jason kneaded his temple. ‘I don’t know. I realise that sounds ridiculous, but… The thing is, I found out something about her that means I can’t love her, not in the way she needs me to.’
‘Oh hell.’ Jessie’s voice was sympathetic. ‘She cheated on you, I take it?’
‘No. No, she didn’t,’ Jason said quickly, his stomach tightening into a fist. She hadn’t before now, and he tried to hold on to that certainty – the one thing in this mess he thought he could hold on to.
‘It must have been something bad though,’ Jessie suggested tentatively. ‘For it to have caused the two of you to split up, I mean. She’s not a mass murderer, is she?’
‘Definitely not that,’ Jason assured her. Karla couldn’t hurt a fly. She’d once cried when she found a dead mouse in the garage. She was terrified of mice, but she’d cried anyway, which had perplexed him. ‘It’s… something to do with her history.’
‘I see,’ Jessie said, after a thoughtful second. ‘But you don’t want to say what?’
Jason drew in a breath and then exhaled slowly. ‘That wouldn’t be fair on her.’
It all sounded nuts, he realised. It was nuts. If Jessie had any sense, she would end the call and cut her losses. Not that she would have lost much.
‘Jessie, please accept my apologies,’ he went on, after pausing to try and collect his thoughts. ‘I didn’t mean to string you along. I like you. A lot, as it happens. You’re beautiful, smart, witty.’
‘Keep going.’ Jessie laughed uncertainly.
‘My personal life is a mess, Jessie. I would very much like to offer you what you might be looking for, but I don’t want to end up hurting you. If you’d rather not have anything to do with me, then… Well, I understand.’
Jessie went quiet again. She was obviously thinking it through, and thinking she’d had a close call.
‘Definitely complex, isn’t it?’ she said, at length. ‘Look, Jason, if you want to stop whatever this is we’re doing, that’s fine. I get it. But, just so you know, I like you a lot too. You seem nice, honest and caring.’
Jason laughed ironically. He doubted that would be Karla’s estimation of him.
‘I’m not looking to go golden rings here,’ Jessie went on. ‘I’m looking for someone to talk with, have a bit of a laugh with. I’m thinking you’re looking for the same. What say we keep talking, and then, when your situation is less complex, maybe we can take it further? What do you think?’
Now Jason was definitely surprised. ‘I think it’s an excellent idea,’ he said, relieved and amazed she would want to spend any time at all on him.
‘Great.’ Jessie sounded pleased. ‘You might have to swim the Irish Sea to do the hooking-up bit though.’
‘No problem,’ Jason said, smiling. ‘I think you actually might be worth swimming an ocean for, Jessie.’
‘Oh, that I am,’ Jessie assured him. ‘Did I tell you I was a gift from God?’ she said, her voice full of playful innuendo. ‘That’s what my name means.’
‘You’re definitely that,’ Jason said softly. She was saving him from a life that seemed close to insanity.
Thirty
DIANA
When Karla hadn’t come over on Saturday with the children as she usually did, Diana had tried not to worry too much about it. Her daughter’s life had been turned upside down, after all. She wasn’t likely to be carrying on as normal with her marriage falling apart. She’d texted her on Sunday, receiving a short text back:I’m fine, Mum. Just a bit off colour. Will call you later.
She hadn’t called. And now Diana was worried, especially after ringing her office that morning to be told she was off sick. Karla didn’t do sick days. Knowing she might have to take time off at short notice if one of the children were ill, she would drag herself into work if required. Diana had begun to grow concerned when Karla told her she’d been vile to the people who worked under her. That wasn’t Karla. Even as a small child, she’d been a considerate, gentle soul, less inclined to the attention-seeking that Sarah was prone to. Thoughtful to the point of introversion sometimes, and perhaps a little dominated by her sister. By Robert, too. Both girls were.
Immediately transported back to the awful day that had obliterated any feelings she might still have had for Robert, Diana closed her eyes, a familiar nausea sweeping through her as she relived the nightmare: Karla on her knees, hysterical, shaking uncontrollably. Diana’s gaze travelling past her to Sarah, lying so still and cold, she’d instantly known her soul had departed this world. Sweeping Karla up – a mother instinctively protecting her young – she’d squeezed her tight and tried to console her. She’d barely heard her choked whisper: ‘Hekilledher. Hekilledher.’
Karla had never repeated it. To this day, Diana had never been able to persuade her to.
