‘Mum?’ Karla jumped on the call, her voice small and tearful. ‘I wondered where you were.’
Diana frowned in concern. ‘Here,’ she assured her. ‘Where I always am.’ That was to say, cleaning the house so thoroughly you could perform open heart surgery on the kitchen floor without risk of infection, driving herself more insane than Robert had already driven her and biding her time until she could leave her husband to stew in his own mess, but Karla didn’t need to know any of that. ‘What’s happened, lovely?’ she asked her gently.
Hearing a long intake of breath, Diana waited. And then, ‘Do you think I’m like Dad, Mum?’ Karla blurted.
Well, that was something she absolutely didn’t have to tear herself up about, Diana thought angrily. ‘If you mean do you run roughshod over people’s feelings, then no, Karla, I don’t,’ she told her firmly. ‘You’ve always been caring towards other people. Too caring sometimes. Why on earth would you imagine you’re not?’
‘Because I don’t think I’m a very nice person,’ Karla said, sounding so uncertain that Diana found herself cursing Jason, despite her gut feeling that he would never trample over other people’s feelings either.
‘That’s utter nonsense, Karla,’ she scolded her. ‘You’re looking for reasons for Jason to be doing what he appears to be doing – and I emphasise the wordappears– and you’re wrong. You’re nothing like Robert.’
‘But Iam,’ Karla insisted. ‘I’ve been vile to the people I work with today, bullying one of them to the point of tears. I did the same to Jason, pushing him, insisting he accept financial help from Dad when he desperately didn’t want to. It’s no wonder he—’
‘Karla, stop,’ Diana interjected forcefully. ‘If you’ve snapped at anyone at work, it’s perfectly understandable, given your personal circumstances, and you pushed Jason because you were trying to support him. I would have done the same thing in your shoes. It was obvious it was breaking your heart to watch him struggle.’
Karla went quiet, but the tell-tale sniffles told Diana she was quietly crying. ‘Have there been any developments?’ she prompted her, softening her tone.
Karla took a moment to answer, then, ‘No, not really,’ she said shakily. ‘He went out after I got back tonight. Something to do with making sure everything was in order for the sale of his business to go smoothly, he said, which is rubbish. I know very well he’s been chatting to his new woman online.’
‘You don’t know he’s doing anything of the sort, Karla. Now he knows you know, I doubt he—’
‘But Ido,’ Karla cut in, with a cynical laugh. ‘Of course he is, Mum. Why on earth would you of all people defend him?’
‘I’m not. I’m just trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.’ Diana sighed, conceding that she was actually harbouring a forlorn hope that somehow her daughter’s marriage could be saved. Even if Karla didn’t have proof he’d done anything more than browse, it would be naive to imagine he hadn’t intended to.
‘He’s not just looking out of idle curiosity, Mum, trust me,’ Karla went on, sounding more angry now than dejected, which was no bad thing. If they were headed for the divorce courts, her daughter would need to stand up and fight, not sit in the corner, licking her wounds. ‘I can’t believe he was actually jealous,’ she said, emitting another short laugh, this time one of disdain. ‘When I danced with that young guy at your birthday party, do you remember?’
Diana did remember. She’d been quite enamoured with the young man herself.
‘He was so furious, I was shocked. You know, that he would suddenly be so macho and proprietorial when we’ve been together for…’ Karla stopped. She was holding her breath – holding the tears back, Diana guessed. ‘He wasn’t jealous though, was he?’ She finally allowed herself a shuddery breath out. ‘His pride was wounded, that was all. He was looking to use that as an excuse to blame me for looking elsewhere.’
The dejection was back, Diana sensed, but at least Karla seemed to be shifting the blame from herself now, which she needed to do. She’d carried too much blame in her life – convincing herself that she was somehow responsible for Sarah’s death, which was ludicrous. The blame lay squarely on the shoulders of Robert, a man with no conscience who’d bullied and lied his way out of culpability.
‘I don’t think he was doing that, darling,’ she said carefully. ‘From where I was standing, he looked genuinely put out to me.’
‘Put out, yes,’ Karla agreed, a fatalistic edge now to her voice, ‘because I was making a fool of myself, therefore making a fool out of him. Embarrassing him, clearly.’
‘Karla…’ Diana felt her heart bleed for her. ‘You dance with your soul. There were many men’s eyes on you that night. Many women’s, too. They were green with envy. Some of them would give an arm to look like you do. Please stop doubting yourself, darling. You’re a beautiful, talented young woman.’
‘Ha,’ Karla answered, with a self-deprecating laugh this time. ‘Would that my husband thought so.’
Oh, Karla.‘Would you like me to come over?’ Diana asked. ‘We could watch a film, or just have a good girl talk? It might help.’
‘No,’ Karla answered tiredly. ‘I mean, I’d love it, but it’s getting a bit late now, and the children are in bed. I’ll be fine, Mum, I promise. I just wanted someone to tell me I’m beautiful.’ She laughed again, albeit sadly.
‘You are,’ Diana assured her. ‘Are you sure though? I can be there in half an hour.’
‘I’m sure. I’m going to try on some clothes I went shopping for after work. And then have a bath – with lots of bath oil and a large glass of wine on the side, obviously.’
‘New clothes, hey?’ Diana was relieved to hear she’d opted for retail therapy rather than retreating into herself, as she tended to do.
‘I’m reinventing myself.’ Karla attempted to sound positive. For her sake, Diana guessed. ‘Out with the old and in with the new, more confident me.’
‘I’m pleased to hear it,’ Diana said, feeling slightly more assured herself. ‘Enjoy. But don’t get too sozzled. You’ll only regret it. And remember, Karla, I’m here if you do need to talk.’
‘I will. Thanks, Mum. Love you. Night night.’
‘Love you too, sweetheart. Night night.’
