‘Likewhat?’ Jason raked a hand furiously through his hair. ‘For fu— There’s nothingtosee! Why the hell would you think there was?'
‘I’m leaving,’ Karla said tearfully, walking around him.
Jason went after her. ‘All this because you found a photograph on my phone that someonesentto me? Were you looking for other evidence of my supposed… what? Browsing the internet for other women? Cheating on you? Is that it? Prompted by your loving father, no doubt, who would just love it if—’
‘Yes!’ Karla whirled back around, her sharp blue eyes blazing. ‘And I found it! You bastard!’
Jason stared at her, incredulous, for a second. Then, ‘Where?’ he asked, feeling suddenly way off kilter.
‘Right there.’ Karla nodded at his laptop, her expression one of utter contempt. ‘Scroll further back, Jason. The “evidence” is there, just as I thought it might be. Me!’ She banged a hand against her chest. ‘Not my father. Actually, I’m lying – I didn’t think I would find anything. I imagined that, being such a computer wizard, you would have deleted it.’
Ignoring the facetiousness of that comment, Jason attempted to pull his scrambled thoughts together. ‘It wasn’t me,’ he said eventually, denying it outright. ‘I haven’t… I wouldn’t—’
‘Liar!’ Karla screamed. ‘Donotcompound what you’ve done with bullshit, Jason. I am not stupid! Are you going to tell me you haven’t been trawling dating sites? Your onlineactivitiesare right there!’
‘I haven’t been near any bloody dating sites!’ Jason yelled back. ‘This is absolute bollocks. No way—’ He stopped, as the only explanation there was occurred to him. ‘Your father,’ he said, trying to recall. ‘My laptop was in the hall. He said he’d fallen over it. He couldn’t have. It was on the hall table, not—’
‘For God’s sake!’ Karla came back towards him and slammed the laptop lid shut. ‘Just stop! This is pathetic. You’re pathetic, trying to blame my father for this! Is he responsible for everything that’s gone wrong in your life?’
Jason was torn between laughing out loud, given the bombshell the bastard had just dropped, and smashing his fist through the nearest window.
‘Your bad business decisions?’ Karla went on, as he struggled with the urge to just spit out what the man had told him and be done with it. ‘Marryingme?’ She searched his face, her eyes full of incomprehension. ‘If you wanted out, Jason, all you had to do was—’
‘Whoa!’ Mark intervened from the door. ‘Cool it, you two.’
‘Ah, here he is. Our very own dating site Casanova,’ Karla’s tone was thick with sarcasm.
‘Not quite,’ Mark said, with a rueful smile. ‘It was me, Karla. Not Jason.’
Folding her arms, Karla tipped her head to one side, her expression somewhere between amusement and complete disdain.
‘I used Jason’s machine while mine was running a software check. I should have said.’ He glanced cautiously at Jason. ‘It was me browsing those sites, Karla, not Jason.’
Seventeen
KARLA
The damp, grey drizzle of the mid-February afternoon seems to be seeping through my coat and into my bones as I stand outside the school, waiting for Holly and Josh to come out. I feel so empty, so cold and lonely. A combination of nerves and nausea grips my stomach, as I recall the look on Jason’s face when he walked quietly from his office. He was no longer furious at having found me there, snooping on him. He didn’t say a word, he simply looked at me, his eyes frighteningly void of any emotion. It was as if the shutters had come down. And then he turned and walked away.
Unsure what to do, I followed him, called out to him. Begged him to stay and talk to me. He wouldn’t even meet my gaze. As he climbed into his car without a word, his body language was that of a defeated man. It was as if all the fight had gone out of him. And that’s down to me. I should never have pushed my father’s proposal. I should have stood by the side of the man I am in love with, have always been in love with, the man I chose to be with, whatever our financial circumstances. Instead, in Jason’s eyes, I have taken my father’s side, against him. My heart plummets icily as I recall how I ranted at him like some demented thing – in front of his employees, for God’s sake. He must have felt so crushed. So alone.
Did Mark use Jason’s laptop? It’s possible. The truth is, I have no idea what to believe. My heart wants to believe my husband, but my head… Has he been accessing these sites? Have I driven him to look outside our marriage for whatever it is he needs?
I pull my phone from my pocket and check my messages, hoping Jason will have replied to the one in which I apologised and suggested we go out together to talk properly. There’s nothing.
He won’t be licking his wounds. Jason’s not like that. I know him. He’s quiet sometimes – when he’s pondering his business problems, mostly – but he doesn’t sit around blaming the world for them. My heart sinks further as I remember that I accused him of doing just that: blaming other people for what’s wrong in his life. Jason doesn’t do that. He blames himself. He takes action to try to fix things. He’s not a sulker. He never gives me the silent treatment. That’s how I know his silence now is significant. And it frightens me.
Dropping my gaze, I will him to message me, if only to tell me he’s all right. I desperately want to speak to him, to tell him I trust him. I have to, despite my uncertainty. And he has to be able to trust me. I hope he can, after today. Without trust, our marriage will be over anyway.
‘Karla, hi,’ someone calls across the playground. ‘Long time no see.’
I snap my gaze up to see a mother I know waving at me from under her brolly.
‘Holly and Josh are still inside,’ she yells, and hurries on through the rain to the gates.
I haven’t noticed that the drizzle has turned to heavy rain. I haven’t noticed, either, that the exodus of children from the school has dwindled to a straggle. ‘Thanks, Mel,’ I shout back, and hurry in the direction of the building, wondering what’s keeping them.
Pushing through the doors, I almost walk into Holly’s teacher, who greets me with a flustered smile. ‘Hi, Mrs Connolly,’ she says. ‘Holly said you were picking them up. I was just coming out to find you. We’ve had a bit of an incident, I’m afraid.’
