I’m wide awake now.“What’s wrong?”
CHAPTER 42
Phoebe
Evander shakes his head and leans in to give me a tender kiss.All the while, he’s still moving, grinding up into me.Evander pulls back and his eyes lock with mine.
“There’s something you need to know.”
My brain snaps to attention.“Tell me.”
“I…” He drops his gaze and looks into the fire.
“Evander?”
He looks at me again and smiles sadly.“You’re so beautiful, Phoebe.Too beautiful for someone like me.”
“What?”I’m not sure I heard him right.“That’s nuts.”
“You are too beautiful, and too kind, and too loving.You’re toogoodfor me, across the board.”
“Come on—”
“Let me say this, please.”
I feel my breath coming fast.Whatever this gorgeous man needs to say to me, it isn’t necessary.I’ve already told him that he doesn’t owe me anything.That I won’t make any claims on him.And if that’s a tragedy, well, I brought it on myself.
I don’t know where all this is coming from.
“I…” He shakes his head and starts again.“Uh…”
I’ve never seen him like this.I’m used to the large-and-in-charge Evander.The man I see right now looks tortured.He raises his gaze to me.
“You’re younger than me, yet you've managed to be a part of something that lasts,” he says.“Over the last nine years, you said you’ve had three long-term relationships, right?”
“Yeah.Back to back.Serial monogamist all the way.”
He shrugs.“I don't even know what that would entail, Phoebe.I’ve never had it, never wanted it.Not three years, two years, or even one year.It’s not the way I've operated.”
“I told you that I have no expectations, and I really meant it.”
“Iwantyou to have expectations.That’s the problem.”He closes his eyes for a second.“I don’t want to fuck this up.I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Then you’ll find a way not to.But for right now, you're here with me, and it’s better than I could have possibly imagined.”
When he tips his head, a curl of raven-black hair falls against his temple.I reach up and brush it from his face.
“I’ve never wanted a woman the way I want you.That’s what you have to understand.I adore you, and I’ve never adored anyone.And you pop my collar in a way no woman ever has.Notice how I’m still hard for you?I’m always hard for you.”
I feel my eyes widen.“Oh, boy.”
“I’m walking into unknown territory, here.I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.”
“Does anybody?”
That gets a hint of a smile out of him, but his expression turns solemn almost immediately.
“Ihatenot knowing what I’m doing, okay?I can’t handle that shit.”
