I try not to, but I laugh.
“It explains a lot, yes.My point is that my mom and I didn’t have the best relationship, and that was because of the chip on my shoulder.I blamed myself when she died, thinking that if I’d only been a more decent kid—”
“Evander—”
“I know now that I’m not to blame, but I didn’t back then.It helps explain why I’ve been so shut down all my life.”
“I’m the complete opposite.I’ve spent my whole life being coddled and fussed over and protected—smothered, really.So I rebelled by choosing to focus on helping others, which took the attention off me.”
“We’re quite the pair, Phoebe.”
“We are.Please keep going—what were you saying about your mom?”
Evander sighs deeply.I feel his ribcage expand and contract against my back.“Her death did a number on me.For a long time, I felt unlovable, completely lost.But my dad always told us that Mom would never be gone, that she would always be looking out for us, and all we had to do was ask for her help when things got rough.”
“That’s very sweet.”
“You remember earlier today, when you said that I saved you so that this could happen between us?”
I stop breathing.“Yes.”
“You’re right.There’s no way you should be alive, Phoebe.Either of us, really.”
I swallow.
“I heard a whistle and screams for help in the middle of absolutely nothing and nowhere, and as soon as I stepped on the ice, it fractured.My SEAL training kicked in, sure, and I evenly distributed my weight on my toes and fingers and belly-crawled out to the person in the water.But I still can’t figure out how I managed it.”
I hear myself whimper.This is tough to listen to.
“I had no idea it was you, of course.So when I reached the victim, all I knew was they were frozen stiff and slipping under.They didn’t even have the strength to grab onto me.Somehow, I pulled them out of the water and dragged them backwards across the busted ice.And just before we reached solid ground, the whole surface gave way.”
I gasp.
“I just threw the person into the snow behind me and hoped for the best, then hurled myself to land.I flipped the limp body over, expecting to find them dead.And that’s when I saw…you.”
I taste my salty tears through the fabric of my face mask.
“I barely remember how I did it, but I got you half stripped and took off the upper part of my clothes and held you to the front of my body while I drove the ATV into the storm.I had no idea where I was, but I knew you were going to die if I didn’t find shelter—and I mean immediately.”
I turn around in his arms.It’s terribly cold and there’s barely any light from the fire, but I pull down his mask so I can at least try to see his face.Then I pull down mine.
“How did you find the shack?”
“I don’t think Idid, baby.That’s what I’m getting at.I asked my mom to save your life, and not ten seconds later, the shack’s roofline came into view through the curtain of snow.”
I press my cheek to his, just to make contact, feel his warmth.His face is wet from his tears.I kiss them away.
“Maybe your mom knew what was in our hearts and was just doing what she could to give us a fighting chance.”
“I think that’s exactly what she did, and it’s why I’m convinced we’re going to make it.You and I aresupposedto be together.My mom saved your life and protected mine so that we could.”
“Thank you, Stella MacLaine,” I whisper.
“Thanks, Ma,” Evander says.
Then he crushes his mouth to mine.I squeeze him tight, and we both hold on.My heart overflows with gratitude and love.
I tell myself that if I think positive thoughts, I can wish something good into existence.
