One activity that we’ve really found we enjoy the heck out of is sixty-nining. He gives me epic rim jobs, like his tongue is propelled by a Power Stroke engine, and I suck him off like the deep-throat diva that I am. Having his dick gagging me has been a magnificent thing, because I can’t fathom how else I’d be able to remain quiet enough for us not to get caught by more than just Snarf.
“Oh my god, Evan! You are the worst!” I huff, setting down my mug on the side table.
He sets his down next to mine before hauling me sideways onto his lap. “Been called that too,” he hums, this time taking on a slightly darker tone.
“Yeah, well, I don’t mean it,” I tell him, tugging his beard a little, so he tilts his face up. I press a kiss to his lips. “And anyone else who says it is a liar.”
He wrangles me back for another kiss, deepening it this time.
“Dad and Evan, up in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!” I hear Morgan holler from somewhere in the yard. “Get a room!”
Well, with her now back in her cabin, we have the house all to ourselves again.Winning.
“I’ve got a better idea. After we get done working today, meet me down by the abandoned tent platform on the east side of the property. Oh, and wear that outfit we just talked about, underneath your clothes,” Evan hums, before licking his lips and letting his eyes wander down my sweats-clad body.
“What? Why?”
“You’ll see.” He winks at me, before prodding me up. “No more tempting me, beautiful. Boss man will be pissed if I’m late for work.”
I roll my eyes again.
“Keep practicing. You’re getting better at that ‘you’re sick of me’ look,” he teases. “By the way, what’s your middle name?”
“Uriah, why?”
“Just curious. Seems like something someone should know about their partner.”
Odd, but okay. On that, he drains his coffee and lopes on down the hill to start mowing the lawn.
I head back up to my room to get changed before I start my sessions with the kiddos today. When I get up there, the letter Kai left for Morgan is still sitting, discarded on my nightstand. I just kind of buried it under things and forgot about it, still too bitter at Kai for what he did.
Taking a deep breath, I slip it out from under my journal and open it.
Curious, I type in the address he scrawled at the end of the letter into a search engine on my phone, hoping to see where it leads me.Ocean’s Edge Recovery Center, a residential drug and alcohol addiction treatment facility. Then I translate the Hawaiian.He calls her ‘daughter’ and at the end writes ‘love you always.’
And I frickin’ lose it, right here on the spot. I break down in a mass of tears, because now I see that Kai didn’t come here to ‘protect his investment’ or even to try to win me back. He came here becausehe needed help.
He needed help and I totally missed it. I missed every single sign I knew, from Ryann, to look out for when someone is struggling with addiction. He needed me, but didn’t know how to ask.
I. Fucking. Missed.It.
I allow myself to wallow in that realization for a bit, but then I have a lightbulb moment of clarity.
He left this note three weeks ago, so there’s no way he’s going to answer me if he’s truly in treatment, but I send him a text anyway, hoping that when he does see it, he accepts my sincere apology for lashing out and saying what I said to him during our big blow up, the day Morgan’s ankle was broken.
However, what I noticeably don’t apologize for—and I likely would have in the past—is not picking up on the signs he was having problems with addiction, because I was too focused on me for a change. Mere weeks ago, I know how I would have been berating myself for being too self-absorbed to pick up on it, but now—I don’t know—I just can’t bring myself to wallow in my own oversight, because I can’t keep living in the past, hung up on Kai. In that time, I realized I deserved more.
Not to say that I don’t feel guilty about missing the signs, I do, but this also means that, at some point, I stopped hyper-focusing on him. I stopped making excuses for why his behavior was okay. I guess I eventually just grew a backbone when it came to him, and I didn’t even realize it.
I do let him know how proud I am of him for seeking treatment, though. And I let him know that when he’s out, I’d like to visit with him to hash everything out regarding our separation of business—rationally. Maybe once he gets his head on straight, he’ll be more open to a payment plan or something.
While there’s no way I’m getting back together with him, I do hope that we will sincerely be amicable and remain friends—something that Ialsodid not think I’d ever find myself hoping for. I now know I can separate myself from that hope that one day I’ll be good enough for him.
So, while I don’t envision us hanging out like we did in the past, I also don’t want to just cut him from my life the way I did Ryann either. There’s someone else I need to think of too. For all his faults, and despite this mishap, I truly believe Kai loves Morgan, and she loves him as well. Estranging him, in his time of need, would be no good for anyone.
Time will surely tell. Either way, like I said, I’m not going to wallow in it.
My message hasn’t been read right away. Hopefully, that’s a sign Kai’s not near his phone, which may mean he’s still in rehab. I hope so. He can get better treatment there than I would have ever been able to give him anyway. Residual guilt from having cut Ryann off in the past would probably have led me to continue to enable him.
