I arch another eyebrow up at Evan. “You really made your way around town today, huh?”
He smirks. “It’s a small town. Three steps, and you’ve gone from one end to the other.”
“You seem to really like it here,” I note.
“I do,” he agrees.
I scrape the last bite off my plate, and Evan offers to get me seconds, but I’m good for now. More tired than anything. When I go to stand, he’s at my side in an instant, wrapping me in his arms.
For someone who didn’t like hugging when he first got here, he’s certainly a pro at giving them. I lean into his strength, nuzzling into the crook of his neck. He kisses my forehead. A tender, reassuring kiss.
“Go hit the hay,” he nudges me after I’ve soaked in his warmth for a bit. “I’ll stay up in case Morgan wakes up and needs anything. Colton’s gonna come hang out too. Maybe he, Snarf, and I can play a little poker or something. You look exhausted, babe.”
“Iamexhausted.”
“Then go,” he urges me.
“Come lay with me? I mean, just until Colton gets here?”
“Sure,” he agrees, leading me up the stairs.
He shuts the door behind him, and I sit at the foot of the bed, just dazed out of it. Everything, I think, is catching up with me all at once. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Brooks and I professing our love for one another, right after he had some sort of apparent clairvoyantepisode. Morgan getting hurt. Kai and I fighting, and me losing his financial backing on the camp all because he’s mad that I’m choosing Evan over him. Morgan having surgery and the subsequent painkiller debate.
It's possible I could be on the verge of having a panic attack, which I haven't had in a good many years, because this is how I just kind of go blank before I do.My body feels like lead. I can’t move; it’s like I’m frozen in place. It feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest. My mind is mostly blank, the only thought that swirls around is how I feel like I’m suffocating. I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe…I can’t breathe.
“Baby—” I hear Evan’s concerned voice, but it sounds like he’s in a tin can.
Through my tunneled vision, I see him crouch down in front of me. I feel his strong hands grip my thighs.
“Baby, I need you to hear me. Blink if you can hear me.”
I think I blink. I’m not sure. My head feels like it's filled with cotton. My pulse pounds, like it’s trying to batter its way out of its confines.
“Good. Focus on my words, Brooks,” Evan’s warbled voice cuts through the din in my head. “Deep breath in, all the way in.”
I try to do as he asks, though it’s a struggle.
“Good,” he assures me. “Hold it. One, two, three, four. Now, out. Good, just like that, baby. Exhale—one, two, three, four, five. Good. You’re doing so good, babe. In again for me, through your nose.”
This time, it’s a little easier to suck in a deep breath. I feel his hand stroking through my hair. “That’s perfect. Two, three, four. Now, out again. Out through your mouth.”
I exhale my breath to his count of five.
“Brooks, baby, I love you. I’m going to talk you through this, just like you taught me. What’re three things you can hear right now?”
I try to tune out the pulsing in my head, so I can hear. “M-my ceiling fan.”
“Mhm, good.”
“Camp. Campers out—outside my window,” I say, sucking in another breath.
He combs his fingers through my hair. “That’s good. One more.”
“Y-you talking to me.”
“Excellent. What are three things you feel?”
My breathing slowly starts becoming less choppy, as I try to focus on taking deep breaths in and out, while Evan tries grounding me. My hands ache as I release the bunched up blanket I had balled into my tight fists.
