“Oh, okay. Sure thing,” Sully replies.
“See you in a bit?” I ask Evan. “This conversation isn’t over. Not by a long shot.”
There, stood my ground somewhere. Even though it sure doesn’t feel like I’m standing on terra firma right now, at least I made an effort. Practice makes perfect, they say.
He sighs, scrubbing at the stubble on his jaw. “Yep. I’ll get changed, go smoke a butt, and be right up.”
I cringe a little at the smoking thing. I guess I kind of forgot he had that habit, since I hadn’t seen him smoking on the property, but, like Sully, he must have a place he hides it from sight. Maybe I can convince him to kick the habit, like I did with Kai.
Kissing someone with tobacco breath is no bueno—and, if I’m being honest, I’m hoping that tonight’s kiss wasn’t a one-and-done deal. Though, by the looks of it, Evan appears to be tortured about the aftermath of it all. He liked it at the time, I’m sure of it. The lingering fingerprints that surely mark where he tightly held me to him while he rutted away into my hip—they’re telltale signs. But, then again, he said he’s not into guys, so what do I know?
“Probably a dumb question, but do you like seafood chowder?” I ask Evan, as he tentatively steps inside my house, having changed into sweats. Figure I could not dive into the heavy stuff right away.
He grips the back of his neck, kneading into it nervously. “I do, despite probably having eaten enough lobster in this lifetime.”
“Bougie taste,” I tease, winking at him.
He chuckles, visibly relaxing a fraction, and takes a seat at one of the spots at my dining table that doesn’t have a mountain of paperwork piled high on it. He looks around the space while I ladle us both some of Ma’s famous seafood chowder. She taught me how to make it when I was young, since it was such a comfort food of mine. While I don’t quite think I have the complete clone of her recipe mastered, it's still going to do the trick for the post-swim chill in my bones that I'm feeling even though I’ve now changed into some fleece pants and my comfy hoodie.
“You know, lobster used to be referred to as the ‘cockroach of the sea.’ It was something only fed to the scourge of society,” he informs me as I pass him a bowl and sit down next to him.
I grin. “Did not know that. Tonight, we shall dine like peasants then,” I tease, though I really did splurge on the treat. I craved comfort food after spending the last couple of weeks stewing in my emotions. Stew for stewing… it made sense when I was in the grocery store.
“Damn, this smells really good,” he notes, stirring some oyster crackers into the soup.
“Ma’s kind of known for her seafood chowder around here. She grew up on the coast,” I tell him. Then, I think of Ma’s diner, and how the summer tourists love to gobble it up even though Alder Notch is nowhere near the coast, which gives me an idea...
“We could always go out for a ride on your bike again sometime,” I suggest, remembering how nice it was to get out of here even for just that one ride so far. “I mean, if you want the grand tour of Alder Notch, just… don’t blink.”
Brooks, seriously, now why do you think it’d be a good idea to bring yournot crushto go meet one of your mothers?Because both of them have requested proof of life from me, since they’ve seen me less with camp starting. That’s why. That’s theonlyreason.
He snorts. Evan, that is—not the little angel and devil on my shoulders, at war with one another. “I think I’ve seen most of it already anyway. There really isn’t much to it. It’s nice though. Quaint. Cozy.”
I stop stirring my soup and suck in a breath. “It is. That’s where you’ve been out avoiding me for the past couple weeks, I presume? Out exploring the town…”
He dips his head. Licking his lips, he takes a thoughtful moment before responding. “We had a moment back at the stream, and I didn’t know how to handle it.” He clears his throat. “I don’t know how to handle it,” he corrects. “Same as tonight…”
Ok good. This is good. He’s bringing it up again all on his own. He’s admitting he’s kerfuffled about it. We’ve led the horse to water. Now, can we teach it to drink?
“What do you need to handle?” I prompt him. “That I’m your boss? If so, I promise, I’m not—this isn’t the norm for me to just, I don't know—I don’t usually act on impulse like that. I’m usually too wrapped up in everything to take notice of anyone the way I have with you. To be honest, I didn’t even think you were attracted to men—”
“I’m not,” he bites back quickly—harshly—nostrils flared and eyes wide. “I’m not gay. I told you earlier, it was just a lapse in judgement,” he reiterates pointedly. He pushes back from the table, nearly upending his bowl in the process.
“Whoa, whoa,” I stammer, rearing back and defensively raising my hands, wondering where that sudden change in demeanor came from, once again. “Wait, am I—did I read into something wrong? I’m confused…”
“I’m not fucking gay,” Evan snaps again. “Yes, you read into it wrong. I fucked up. It won’t happen again.”
Ah, so the horse we led to water is decidedly saying ‘nay’ to being thirsty. Great.
But—theflirting, the kissing… the sudden bolting… that wasn’t just because I’m his boss? Did Iforcemyself on him? That’s not… I don’t…
I rack my brain trying to repeat these two events in my head over and over. He’s the one that definitely initiated things. I was hesitant.
‘Please, Reckless.’
Then something strikes me again, something Colton asked me earlier. I assumed he was afraid to come out because he didn’t want to wind up in the same predicament Nikolas was in—being harassed by narrow-minded bigots. But he was also concerned about coming out tohis family. He doesn’t wanthis dadreading too much into the portrait he drew.
He doesn’t want his dad to find out because he’s fearful ofEvan’sreaction the most. He looked forlorn when I told him my family was accepting, and now I feel like a fool for not seeing this sooner—I realize that it’s probably because his own wouldn’t be.
