“What do you say? Will you marry me?”
A tear slid down my cheek when I blinked to be sure it was real life and not a fantasy. I lifted my shaky hand, covering my mouth as the sound of my heartbeat silenced any and everything else. In the background, the sky exploded into a portrait of orange, pink, purple, and blue streaks that looked like they signified forever. The warm, buttery aroma of my chocolate croissant floated on the wind, bringing the moment alive in a way that felt like it came straight out of a movie.
The statue of Aja had an aura because of the sun falling deeper into the horizon. Suddenly, time ceased to exist as I tried to memorize every detail. A moment like that couldn’t beforgotten because of what it represented—hope, . . . romance, . . . destiny, and a wish fulfilled . . . The moment was literally what the streets of La Promesse were paved for.
There were Cobblestone streets, pastel buildings sitting on top of lush, green mountains, and the ocean breathing right in the distance. There was no place more beautiful than Efate. Around there, love was a living and breathing thing that pulsed like an electromagnetic field. Moments like that were exactly what kept the city alive.
I released a shaky breath and used the back of my hand to wipe away my tears. Unable to help myself, I took a large bite of my croissant. When I was nervous, I always needed a little snack to center me. The most embarrassing thing would be if I fainted right then from excitement.
Beeeeep!
I jumped when someone laid on their horn, shattering the fantasy I found myself emerged in. I realized I was standing in the middle of the street, currently holding up traffic. “Sorry, sorry!” I yelled out as I made it safely to the sidewalk.
When I glanced to the left, I saw the glint of the engagement ring being slid on and pouted. I missed her sayingyes. The couple collapsed into one another’s arms as applause erupted all around them. “Aww,” I said with trembling lips. I happily clapped my hands together, joining in on the celebration of the newest engaged couple in the city. I loved love, and no matter how many proposals I witnessed, they each had a way of making me emotional. I couldn’t wait until it was my turn. In La Promesse, Black love thrived.
I was going to be proposed to right in that very spot while the sun set in the background. It was my favorite time of day because there was something about God turning the sky into his personal canvas that made my heart race. I did a little shimmy to get myself together, then walked toward the iron-wrought railingthat created the most beautiful look out of La Promesse. This was my favorite spot in the city, and I walked by at least once a day. Even if I didn’t have time to sit in at one of the candlelit trattorias while enjoying a glass of red wine, I still walked by to inhale the lover-girl energy that coated the statue of Aja. It was my favorite city for a reason.
Lifting my croissant to my mouth, I took another bite and melted from how fresh it was. I never got tired of them and had to force myself not to eat one every day. The calories were going to catch up to me, no matter how much I gaslit myself into thinking it was good for my soul. And I was one of those women whose weight went to either her titties or her stomach. I wasn’t about to be fighting to the death against my kangaroo pouch again if I had a say in it.
Movement to the left caught my attention, and I smiled when I saw Luca strolling toward me. His bronzed face looked more chiseled than ever before. He was dressed casually in a black linen outfit with freshly cut hair. His curls on the top glistened as he walked over like he was the king of the city. As the most well-known club promoter in La Promesse, I could say he was having his way. Over the last few months, I benefited from dating him royally. I found myself on yacht parties, royalty coronations, and elegant golfing events on the regular.
Tonight, I was dressed in a black halter dress that molded to my body because I wasn’t sure what our plans were. He just told me to meet him at sunset, and of course, I came ready to flaunt into whatever event on his arm. I felt a little giddy, hoping tonight would be the one where he officially voiced that he wanted to be exclusive. We were always seen together, and I’d opened more than just my heart to him. It was time to really solidify the beautiful bond I saw blooming between us. Plus, I was still a little doped up on oxytocin from the proposal I’d witnessed. I believed anything could happen right then.
“Hey, babe,” I greeted Luca when he was close enough. He extended his arms for a hug that I walked right into. I inhaled his aquatic scent and smiled. He was the only man I knew who could make smelling like a big, fishy body of water smell elegant. I was obsessed with that cologne in particular and loved it when he wore it on our dates.
After our hug, he stepped back and tucked his hands in his pockets. He glanced from me to the city that would soon be covered by a blanket of darkness as we got further away from the sun. When he still didn’t speak, I started to become uneasy.
“What is it? What’s wrong?” I questioned him despite the fact that my heart was starting to vigorously hammer against my sternum. I took the last bite of my croissant, trying to read his energy, coming up short. I could just tell something was wrong. Luca was never quiet or distant from me. Anytime we shared space, he couldn’t keep his hands off me, yet that night, it seemed that was what he wanted to do most.
He scratched his brow and dropped his head. “You know I really care about you, Free. You’re beautiful, and your spirit is contagious. Whenever I’m around you, I feel so at peace.” A smile still found its way on my lips as I chewed the bread in my mouth. There I was, thinking the worst for nothing. “And that’s exactly why I have to do this. It was fun while it lasted, but I’m not looking for anything serious right now.”
I nearly choked when I went to swallow, and he had to pat my back to clear my airways. I spat the food on the ground, then hunched over to catch my breath. “Wh-what?” I finally found my voice to ask.
Luca released a deep sigh. “Look. Don’t take this the wrong way. You’re the perfect woman, but this isn’t the right time for me to continue this. I’m not fully committed and would hate to poison your pure heart like that when I can’t meet your expectations.”
Someone blew a horn, causing Luca to look over his shoulder. I saw his goofy friends hanging out the window of the black truck they were in, screaming for him to hurry up. He tried to close the distance between us, but I took a step back. He balled his hand, dropped it to his side, and nodded.
“Well, I wish you the best, Free, because you truly deserve it. Maybe one day, we will meet again.” When I was unable to reply, he backed away slowly, then headed to his friends. They were headed out to do only God knows what, while I was stuck in my favorite spot with my heart spilling onto my perfect French-tip pedicure.
“What the fuck?” I mumbled to myself with a sniffle. “Did he just . . . Did he just dump me?” I questioned myself in a hushed whisper. I braced myself against the railing to steady my breathing. That was the very last thing I expected. It literally hadn’t even crossed my mind, and now I was looking at the rumbling sky, feeling very betrayed.
I believed in the beauty of fate, yet somehow, all I got in return was being rained on in my favorite spot, where I’d just gotten broken up with. As I made the walk home, I was happy that the rain hid my tears. While others rushed by me, crouching in corners, trying to remain dry as the rain rapidly picked up speed, all I could do was take one slow step in front of the other until I was outside of the two-bedroom apartment I shared with my mother.
The second I walked in, I was assaulted by the smell of fresh pasta being tossed around in a wine sauce. Giggling could be heard from the kitchen, along with some low mumbling, which meant she had company. I slammed the door shut, not in the mood for that. By the time I spun around, my mother was standing in the entryway of the kitchen with a glass of wine in her hand.
“Free, . . . are you okay, Daughter?” she asked me, and all I could do was shake my head and beeline for my bedroom. I tried to close her out, but she was quicker than me and slipped inside before I could.
I sank on my bed and buried my face in my hands. I couldn’t stop the tears from coming or lower the sound of my sobs. The bed dipped as my mom came to sit beside me. She pulled me into her arms and allowed me to fall apart without judgment or the need to try making everything better—at least for the moment, which I appreciated. I was still trying to wrap my brain around what happened. Like the breath of fresh air she was, she kissed my head while rubbing small circles on my back that calmed me by the second.
After a while, I sat up, and she began to wipe away my tears. “I have to get out of here,” I admitted in a shaky voice.
At the age of eleven, my father decided to go back to his wife, leaving my mother hopeless and utterly depressed until she decided we were going to travel the world. After arguing with my father that she wouldn’t allow him to take her daughter too, we began our journey. At the age of thirty, I had already been to thirty countries. Over the last two years, we’d started to build our lives in La Promesse, but I couldn’t imagine myself staying there and constantly being reminded of the breakup with Luca. On my walk home, I decided he was my last disappointment for a while. Maybe even forever.
“Where would you go, sweetheart?”
I sniffled while staring at my hands that I kept rubbing together. After releasing a long exhale, I said, “Solaire. I’m ready to go back to the States.”
She palmed my face and stared deep into my eyes. “Are you sure?” I could hear the sadness in her voice as she considered being separated from me by an ocean for a little while ,but this was something I needed. After having traveled for so long, therewas a lot I missed out on back home. Maybe it was time to reconnect with that part of me.
