He pulls my chair out for me, and I notice he’s placed one of the throw pillows from the sofa on the chair. I lower myself down with the greatest of care. As soon as my ass makes contact with the seat, I’m painfully reminded that I won’t be sitting comfortably for the foreseeable future. I place my forearms on the table and lean heavily on them, allowing them to bear as much of my weight as I can.
Stuart’s eyes smile, but the rest of his face doesn’t change.
“Are you all right?”
“I’m fine.” I mean to say it defensively, but it comes out soft and sincere.
“Can you tell me why you were acting out?”
I’d love to make some shit up and explain my behavior away. I’d love it if I could act like a brat and shrug or roll my eyes or say or do anything to make less of the situation, but I’ve just had the brat spanked clean out of me, so I’m all out of bullshit.
“I don’t want you to go. I thought it would be fine, but when I realized you were about to leave, I didn’t feel fine anymore. I’m so much better when you’re here. I feel better, and I do better. I…I’m scared to be without you.”
“Oh, Elliot,” he says, taking my hand in his. “I should have known. I should have put things in place for you to make sure you felt taken care of while I was away. That’s my job, and I’ve let you down. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. Next time, I’ll prepare you better, but this time, I want you to know that you can text or call me anytime. I mean it. I’ll keep my phone on me all the time.”
“Even mealtimes?” I ask.
“Even mealtimes.”
I’m relieved for a second, but when the room fills with silence, I feel my face color with the most profound shame I’ve ever felt. “I’m sorry about allthat.” I wave my hand in the general direction of his groin. “I don’t know what happened. I didn’t mean to do it.”
“It’s fine. That kind of thing happens from time to time.”
That doesn’t help me at all. In fact, it makes my face hotter. In addition to absolute mortification, I now find myself wanting to know who the hell else has splooged all over Stuart after a thrashing.
What’s his name and where does he live?
I must do something strange with my face because Stuart takes it upon himself to explain the mechanics of my orgasm to me.
“What happened is completely normal. It happens to lots of boys. It’s a physical reaction to strong stimuli. The nerve endings in the buttocks are very close to the nerve endings in the anus and peni…”
Good God, the man is going with science!He’s seriously taken one look at this atrocious situation, and he’s decided what I need is a biology lesson.
“…of course there’s also the kink and power dynamic, both of which play a role in amplifying sensation.”
I latch on to what he said, and I ask the questions that have been burning the back of my throat for weeks. “Is that what this is for you? A kink?”
I’m a hundred percent sure that’s what it is for me, but I badly want to know what it means to him. I’m feeling so unhinged from what just happened that my filter is nonexistent.
“Yes, it’s a kink.”
“Does it turn you on?”
He doesn’t skip a beat. He doesn’t look away or blink either. “Very much.”
The fact he owns it completely arouses me in a way that’s hard to explain. It makes me want to fall to my knees. It makes me want to start begging for things I know he can’t give me, and weirdly, it makes me feel safe enough to consider really talking about this for the first time in my life.
“Has it always been like this for you?”
“Oh yeah, I was born this way, baby,” he says with a look that glints light and then dark. “I’ve always known I was gay. I knew before I knew what it was called. I can’t really remember a time I didn’t know it about myself. Looking back now, I can see things that were early signs that I was kinky, but that took me longer to understand.”
“Like what?”
“Hmm,” he murmurs thoughtfully, “here’s one. I always looked up to men who had an air of authority about them. You know that vibe that makes people nervous but draws them closer at the same time? I loved that kind of thing. I had this football coach when I was in middle school. He was the type of guy who spoke softly, but everyone listened. Like really,reallylistened. Everyone stood still when he spoke and their eyes were wide with this almost panicked attention. Every boy on the team wanted to impress him. They clamored over each other to get his attention. Not me. I didn’t want to impress him. I wanted tobehim.”
“And the spanking?”
“Yeah, I think that’s pretty much always been with me too. Growing up, Beth used to read these bodice-ripper romances. I used to tease her about it until I found a book in her room that had a girl on the cover andtworipped shirtless guys. For some reason, the fact there were two nearly nude men standing close together changed the whole thing from funny to damn interesting like that.” He clicks his fingers decisively. “I took the book from her room when she was out one day and read it from cover to cover.”
