Holy fuck that feels good.
He does it again. And again. Licking hard and then soft, his warm, wet tongue lathes my asshole making it pulse and wink involuntarily. He mumbles nonsensically against my flesh, scraping his teeth over my cheeks, nipping and kissing until my eyes feel like they’re crossing.
“Beautiful, Jess…so hot…want it…”
Not gonna lie, I’ve thought about this. Of course I have. Who hasn’t? It feels different to what I was expecting. It’s not what I imagined it would be like. I kind of thought it would feel uncomfortable, that I’d be self-conscious or embarrassed. I’m not, though. I fucking love it. I love knowing he’s looking at me like this, and I love knowing that I’m letting him. And more than anything Iloveknowing he likes what he sees.
By the time we get out of the tub, it’s dark and my legs feel unsteady. We traipse through the apartment wet because we forgot to take towels out. We walk hand in hand to the shower. We rinse off as steam rises around us, soapy hands all over each other, hurried and urgent as need rises in both of us. We dry each other off, dropping our towels on the floor and leaving them where they land, as we stumble to the bed.
We fall down together, I land on my back with him on top of me. He tries to hold himself up, but I pull him down. I want his weight on me. I want him to crush me. I want to feel nothing but muscle and bone weighing down every inch of my body. He kneels back as soon as I release him, taking the lube from the side table and gliding slippery fingers between my cheeks. I let my knees fall open. He looks unspeakably beautiful, almost serene, as he looks down at me. His eyes slice into me, cutting through the walls I put up around me and seeing a version of me I’ve never shown anyone. His tongue dips out to moisten his lips and a second later he nudges the tip of his finger against my hole. I startle, even though I was fully expecting it. One corner of his mouth quirks up and he presses in harder. I bite back a moan but when he slides in to the third knuckle, the moan it shakes loose can’t be contained. He moves slowly, adding more lube and nudging my spot, waking me up fully to the fact I’m about to get fucked. My hips buck and my cock pulses with such intense hunger, I reach down and stroke it. I grip it hard and groan as a new level of pleasure kicks in. It’s hot and intense and filters through my body from my core to my extremities. I move my hand slowly. I try to keep my touch light. Luke withdraws his finger, but before I can complain, he’s back inside me and this time he’s giving me two fingers. It’s harder to take. I definitely have to take a couple of deep breaths to let him in. It burns in the best way. It burns in a way that trips my senses and ignites pleasure centers I had no idea existed.
“Luke,” I groan. “Luke.”
I want him. I need him now. And I need him to know that about me, because I can’t seem to say anything other than his name. Thank God he seems to understand because he pulls his fingers out gently and starts lubing up his dick.
“You nervous?” His voice is deep and raw.
I shake my head quickly. It’s true. I’m not nervous. I’m desperate and I’m horny as fuck. I feel like I’m on fire and I can’t think of a single reason we haven’t been doing this the whole time. He looks at me and smiles when our eyes meet. It’s one of those smiles I want to remember. It’s different because his pupils are dilated and his lips have been kissed and bitten dark pink but it’s also the same; his mouth is cracked open a little too wide and he looks like he just won the fucking lottery.
“I’msohappy right now.” He tries to keep his voice low, but it spikes up as pure joy seeps out of him. His excitement is infectious. It finds me and attacks every part of me. I start laughing softly, surprised at the fact that in all the times I’ve had sex, I never realized that sex wasfununtil I had it with Luke. It was hot and it felt good before, but it’s so different with him. It’s so much more than just physical. When I’m with him I feel different. I feel like - I don’t know how to explain it - I guess the best way to put it is that when I’m with Luke I don’t feel alone. “You ready?”
“Mmm,” I nod.
It takes a few tries for him to line himself up, so I reach down and help guide him in. He presses hard against my ass and my sphincter tenses against him. I hold still and bear down, clenching my teeth as I try to open myself up to him. I yelp as he slides in with a little more force than I was expecting. The burn is a sting now. A quick sharp sting that makes me wince and take a quick breath through my teeth. It feels like a lot and it’s hard to take. It hurts where he is, but I know it’s going to get better as soon as he’s deeper.
I’m afraid he’s going to see that I’m hurting and stop, so I screw my eyes shut and groan, “Go slow but don’t stop.”
He sinks into me slowly, nudging an inch in and then pulling back. He gains ground each time and when he pops my second sphincter the sound I make is unlike anything I’ve heard coming from me. It’s mournful and base, wild and lustful. The sharp sting gives way to the most decadent feeling. Full. I feel full. I feel stretched out and open. I feel acutely aware of his girth and his length and the way each thrust forces him deeper. I open my eyes as soon as I’ve got a grip on what’s happening. He’s still on his knees. He’s looking down, watching in amazement as his dick disappears into my ass. His abs clench when he thrusts. I don’t mean a little. I don’t mean a light indentation if you squint just right. I mean they clench hard. Each thrust sends deep shadows and dents down his belly. He rolls his hips slowly. He rolls them exactly, precisely like sex. Like slow sex. Like the kind of sex I’ve always wanted but I haven’t had until now. Like the kind of sex that resets you completely and changes your life.
Jesus
“Blue.” It’s a long, drawn out word. “You look so hot when you fuck.”
His eyes flash with excitement, pride and something else. Something soft. Something beautiful. Something I feel too.
“So good,” he pants. “Feels so, so good inside you.”
He sinks down on top of me, shoving his arms under my back and hooking his hands on my shoulders in a grip that lets me know once and for all; I’m his. My sounds and his sounds combine and make magic. I reach between us and start stroking. Each touch makes me shiver. A long deep shiver that makes me feel like I’m vibrating. We move together, hips rocking, fighting to get closer and closer. Pleasure rolls through me in waves. Big waves. Tidal waves. Waves that take me under and steal my breath. Waves that crash into me and rub me raw. Waves that flood my body with pleasure that mounts and mounts. It mounts until my moans and his moans stop being individual sounds, they merge and blend into a long, lupine howl. I start to pulse. I pulse once, then twice. I breathe in and pleasure rips through me on the exhale. It slices through me, cutting me open, laying me bare. It reaches inside me and electrifies every cell in my body. I’m not just pulsing now, I’m convulsing. I’m arching and straining. He thrusts into the feeling, and pleasure explodes into blinding ecstasy.
By the time I float down to Earth he’s collapsed onto me and he’s softening inside me. I feel warm and wet. I’m overflowing. Half-amazed that I surfed the wave and survived, that I’m still here. I breathe in and out, taking in huge gulps of air that taste and smell like salt water and fresh air and the only thing I’ve ever wanted this much.
As soon as Luke remembers where he is, he lifts himself off me, propping himself up onto his elbows so he doesn’t crush me. I stare into faded blue denim and see that his lashes are glossy and tears are glistening on his cheeks.
“I-I’m not sad…it’s…”
I pull him back down, circling my legs around his waist and crushing him against me, happy to suffocate rather than allow any space between his soft heart and mine.
23
Jessie
Wewakeearlyandhungry. We don’t have anything to eat at the AirBnB so we head out to a diner we saw down the road when we drove in yesterday.
It’s a day like any other. The sky is blue and the air is still. There are geraniums and daisies blooming in the front gardens of the houses we walk past. It’s all very usual. It’s all exactly the same as it was yesterday. The only thing different is that I’m walking funny, and Luke can no longer say he’s never fucked anyone.
We talk as we walk, and it’s not till we’re almost at the diner that I look down and see that we’re holding hands. I hadn’t even realized that I’d taken his hand in mine. It feels normal and right, like it would be crazy to do anything else.
“Jess, I need to tell you something, okay?” says Luke. His shoulders are back, and his head is held high but there’s a soft whisper of something unfamiliar in his voice. It gives him away. It takes his words out of the ordinary and gives them a gravity they don’t usually have. “But before I do, I want to say you don’t have to say it back. I don’t expect it. I don’t need it. That’s not why I’m saying it. I’m saying it because it feels like this big, beautiful thing in my life and I want you to know, not because I have any expecta…”
