The conversation has shifted into something a lot more serious than I was expecting. I feel ill-equipped to deal with it right now. It makes me feel like something inside me is pinching. I’m partially furious with Gould for being enough of a dick to say something like that to me but mainly, I’m furious with him for being right.
“He’s not wrong. I’m not going to try to hurt you but, I mean, how do you see this playing out? You’re nineteen and I’m twenty. What do you think’s going to happen? We just live happily ever after?
“Yeah. Pretty much, actually.”
Well, fuck me sideways.
That doesn’t even sound like the worst idea I’ve ever heard.
20
Jessie
I’mwalkingdownthepath to the main house. I’m groggy and running late for breakfast because the blond in my bed was in no mood for sleep last night. The smell of pancakes wafts out to meet me. The French doors are open and I can hear my dad and Luke’s voices from the kitchen.
“…nothing much. Uh, just reading a lot.”
“And Jess?”
“Oh, you know. He’s been…drawing a bunch. It takes up a lot of time. Each picture takes several hours so...”
“Really?Jess is drawing again? You’re kidding me.” My dad’s voice lilts up noticeably.
I quicken my pace. I can tell Luke’s under interrogation from my dad about what we’ve been doing with our time, which I’ll admit is tricky to answer without getting pornographic, but damn it, what’s he thinking talking about my drawings?
Has he gone completely mad? My dad’s definitely going to ask to see what I’ve been drawing.
My most recent effort featured a full moon lighting a night sky, and the close up of a blond beefcake’s face. His eyes are screwed shut and his head is thrown back. His teeth are clenched and the sinews in his neck are straining so hard they’re bulging. Even if you were a nun who’d lived in a convent your whole life, a quick look at that sketch would leave you in no doubt whatsoever that you’d just seen Luke Bennett’s O face.
“Dude!” I hiss as soon as I get close enough for him to read the message in my eyes. He shoots me one back. It’s a panicked,sorryand,I didn’t know what else to saycombined with a stricken,your dad’s asking questions.
“Luke, can you flip these for me? Jess, come with me, I have something I want to show you.”
I follow my dad down the hall that leads to the study. I have that sinking feeling one gets when you’ve been sent to the principal’s office. In my mind, I prepare my defense, which goes something like,I’m sorry, Dad, I just, like, couldn’t help myself.
Obviously, my dad has no reason to think anything untoward is happening between me and Luke. He hasn’t seen the drawings I’ve done, so why would he? I’d be able to piece that together a lot better if it wasn’t for the fact my brain is currently suffering from a catastrophic shortage of caffeine.
When we get to the study, he rummages around in his top drawer and pulls out a stack of pamphlets. He hands them to me and watches me carefully to see my reaction. Whatever part of me it is that enjoys not giving people what they want sees me flicking through the first few pamphlets without changing my expression.
I can’t keep it up for long though.
“They’re all in California,” I smile.
“Yeah,” he says sheepishly, “for personal reasons, I’ve only looked into schools a few hours from here.”
That makes me expel a tiny snort.
“Art school, huh?”
“I know you’re hell bent on finishing the degree in business management you started in Sydney. And I know you have a bunch of credits already, I just think it’s worth thinking about. Or at least talking about.”
“The drawing is just a hobby, Dad.”
“It’s something you love, Jess, and it’s something you’re really, really good at.”
“I mean, I guess I’m alright, but what kind of career will it give me? What kind of stability? How would I ever make a living out of art?” I repeat my mom’s words to me almost verbatim.
“I’m not saying it won’t be hard. I’m saying that if this is something you want, I support you. I mean it. I’ll support you for as long as you need if it takes you a while to find your feet. I know it isn’t easy to break into creative industries but Rach and I both feel this is something we like for you. We can afford to help and it’s something we’re happy to do if it’s what you want.”
