Harlan licks and mouths his way to the head of my leaking cock, leaving a trail of sloppy kisses. He dips his tongue into my slit, and my back arches off the bed without thought. “You taste so good, Dare. So fucking good.” No further words are needed as he takes me to the back of his throat.
I will nevernotbe shocked by his ability to take my cock like this. Fisting his messy curls, I fuck up into his mouth. I feel the tightness of his throat as he swallows around me, and I groan, loud and long. The suction of his mouth is heaven. If I died right now, I could not think of a better way to go. Tears stream down his face as he sucks and licks at my shaft.
“Just like that. You like choking on my cock, don’t you?” He nods as he continues to let me fuck his mouth. “Show me those pretty tears, Harlan.” His eyes are glassy and watery as they meet mine. If I let him go for too long, I’ll come. If this is the last orgasm I get with him, I need it to be in his ass. I yank his head back, and he whines in protest. “You’re perfect. Undress for me.”
He shifts to his knees, shedding his hoodie, followed quickly by his sweats. There’s no finesse, no seduction, just desperation. Grabbing his arm, I tug him on top of me and draw him into another frenzied, sloppy kiss. We’re both panting and grinding, the urgency ratcheting up as the minutes tick by. I wanted this to be slow, to savor my last time with him, but the need is so strong.
“On your knees, Harlan. Face in the mattress.” I flip him without giving him a chance to move. He folds himself down, and I take a moment to appreciate the stretch of his spine. Leaning over him, I kiss his shoulder and start to suck and lick my way down his back. Goosebumps trail my mouth as I workmy way down. The thought of him leaving with my marks on his flawless skin satisfies this primal urge in me to own him. “Hold yourself open for me. Show me what’s mine.” We can pretend for now. For tonight, he’s still mine.
Harlan stretches his arms behind himself and grabs his ass cheeks, revealing his perfect hole. I dive in immediately, licking and sucking at his rim while I stroke his cock. He starts to fuck into my hand, and I smack his ass. The crack of my hand adds to the sound of his panting and moaning as I take him apart. “Stay still, sweetness.” He whimpers at the contact but does what I say as I continue to lap at his hole. Worshipping his ass is my favorite thing to do, and I intend to make the most of him spread out before me. “So fucking pretty, baby. God, your ass is a dream.” I work on softening him as I work my tongue past his rim. I’ll never get enough of tasting him, of experiencing him open and begging for me.
“Darío. It feels so good. Your tongue. Babe, please don’t stop,” he begs. When he’s practically vibrating with need, I spit on his hole and work a finger in along with my tongue. The warmth of his body sets me on fire, fueling my need to be so deep inside him, there’s no telling where he starts and I end. Harlan lets out a desperate whine, pressing back to get more of me in him. “Holy shit. Dare, oh my god.”
Pulling my finger out, Harlan lets out a sound of protest at the loss, but I’m shoving three fingers in his mouth before he can complain. “Suck,” I demand. He does, swallowing my fingers the same way he swallows my cock. I continue the assault with my tongue, lapping at his softening rim while he gets my fingers nice and wet. “Good boy.” He whimpers again when I take my fingers from his mouth. “Don’t worry, baby. You’re going to feel so full soon.”
“Now, Dare. I’m going to explode. I need you,” he demands. I need him too, but for so much more than sex. Sliding two fingersinto him, I kiss from his spine down to the crease of his ass. Pausing, I bite one cheek, then the other, earning a hiss from him. Seeking out his prostate, I apply pressure that causes him to cry out, the noise eliciting a pulse in my own aching erection. Harlan is nearly sobbing when I add a third finger. His cock is leaking, desperate and hard, onto the sheets below him. He ruts against the air as he pleads for me. “Please.” His voice is broken. “I can’t. I need more.”
“Get the lube,” I instruct as I pull away from him. The cool air assaults me when I’m no longer pressed against him. He scurries across the bed and reaches into the nightstand, returning to me with the bottle in hand. Before I can take it from him, he’s pouring the liquid into his hand and stroking my shaft. “On your knees for me, baby.”
His spectacular ass is on display, so I take a moment to stroke and squeeze his flesh, separating his cheeks. I allow the image of him open and ready to be burned into my memory. When I die, I want this visual to be the last thing I remember. The way that he’s all fucking mine. I kneel between his spread legs and lean over to kiss my way down his back one more time, licking and sucking as I go. “Beautiful,” I murmur to him. “Mine,” falls off my lips without permission.
Every fiber of my being is screaming for him, so I fist my cock and thrust all the way in. I know his body well enough to know what he can take, and I’m rewarded with a delicious cry. “Mmmm, fuck. You’re so deep,” he sobs. His voice is wrecked as he cries out again and again. With one hand on his hip and the other on the back of his neck, I drill into him. We are dripping in sweat, but my singular focus is where our bodies are connected as I fuck into him.
My balls draw up—I am so close, but not yet. I need this to last. I pull out and flip him to his back. In the back of my mind, I know facing him is the worst thing I can do, but I crave thatcloseness that only he can give me. Harlan is quick to wrap his legs around me, as he has done hundreds—maybe thousands—of times before. With his feet locked behind me, I am pulled closer to his spectacular body. I slide back into him, but with less intensity, tangling my fingers in his hair, not to pull, but just to have another point of contact. His caramel curls are damp and messy, so I ease my fingers through the knots, being careful not to hurt him.
Harlan pulls my face to his, and for a while, we share a breath of air between us as I slide in and out of him. “You’re so beautiful, sweetness. The most beautiful.” Reaching between our bodies, I grip his cock and start to stroke. I can tell he’s getting close despite the much slower pace. I work him from root to tip, using his precum as lube, absorbing every mewl, whimper, and whine he lets out. “I’m so close, Harlan.”
Pulling me in for a kiss, he plummets over the edge. His ass grips my cock impossibly tight as I follow him to my own release. Long after our orgasms have ended, we continue to kiss. It takes me a moment to realize he’s crying, his salty tears and sweat sliding between our lips. I try to pull away, but he won’t let me. “I’m ok, I promise,” he whispers against my mouth.
I make no move to pull out, softening while I’m still inside of him. Nuzzling his neck, my own tears start to fall. I may regret this tomorrow, but this was the goodbye we needed. “I love you, Harlan. I hope life gives you everything amazing, because you deserve it.”
“Please don’t forget me, Dare,” he whispers. “I’m so sorry.” His breathing eventually evens out as he falls asleep in my arms, with tears running down his face. I study his face, mapping out his freckles, dread settling in me, knowing that this is the last time I’ll be able to do this.
“Never, sweetness. I could never,” I tell him, as he snores softly in my arms. Burying my nose in his hair, I focus on hisbreathing as our time together ticks down to nothing. I let the smell of strawberries ease some of the pain that sits in my chest.
Harlan,
It’s been a long month since you left. This house is so empty and cold. It’s not home if you’re not here with me. I don’t know how to live without you, Harlan. All of your things are gone, but you still show up to fuck with my head. You’re in the kitchen with your stupid fucking hand towels that you swore were just for decoration. You’re in the living room with the huge sofa you insisted was perfect to spoon on. In the sheets that you picked out. I want to burn it all to the ground. I can’t escape you, but I still miss you so desperately that I swear it makes me hate you. I just want to let you go. Why can’t I let you go?
I am so angry with you for doing this to us. I’ve dialed your number so many times so I can hear your voice. I miss your fucking voice, sweetness. I miss the way you fit against my body. We were so good together. So fucking good…and you took that away from us. I’m fucking broken without you, Lan. Sometimes it hurts to breathe. It hurts to fucking exist. I don’t give a single fuck about baseball. I’m supposed to go to Miami to see everyone, but I don’t know if I can face them. You’ve even taken my family from me. I have nothing left that you haven’t tainted. Everything that matters to me includes you.
Your pillows don’t smell like you and I hate that too. I can’t look at a sunrise without crying. I wish I knew when this would get easier. It all feels so hopeless and dark right now. You took my heart with you, Harlan.
I hate you. I love you. More than anything, I fucking miss you. Please come home. I can’t do this without you.
Dare
Dare,
London sucks. It’s been three months and I’m a mess. I’ve never hated myself more. Getting out of bed is nearly impossible, but I can’t sleep. Every single time I close my eyes, I see your face the day I told you. I will never forgive myself for what I did..
I know I deserve to feel this way, but I don’t know how to get through it. Sometimes it scares me how little I care about anything at all. I’ve written you so many of these letters. I’ve thought about calling you, but you said you don’t want to talk to me. I hope you’re surviving this better than I am because most days surviving feels too hard.
I would take it all back if I could. You were the best thing that ever happened to me. You completed a part of me that I will never get back. You made me feel so safe, so protected, and cherished. I’ve lost everything…you, my friends, your family, the only place that ever felt like home. I miss all of it, but I mostly miss the way you hug me. I’d do anything for one of your hugs.
Please forgive me, Dare. I love you more than anything. My heart is still in Brooklyn. With you. Always with you.
Love,
