There’s no engagement ring sitting on my finger. His mother discussed buying us wedding bands as a gift if we do go through with the marriage.
“Don’t remind me what I’ll be.” Luca’s voice is gruff, fueled with hatred. “I never wanted to work for Dante.” He slams his hand on the steering wheel again, his anger boiling over.
“I’m sorry.”
“There you go again, apologizing.” He doesn’t even glance at me, but maybe I should be grateful. It’s better that he focuses on the road, getting us back to campus in one piece.
Silence fills the car once again.
Looking back, thinking about his reluctance for me to attend Nova’s birthday party suddenly makes sense.
“This isn’t all on me,” I whisper, finding my strength as I glare at him. “If you told me your father was mafia, I wouldn’t have come.”
“I tried warning you!” he shouts, and I feel a shiver course through me.
Suddenly, I’m no longer hot but ice cold. I reach for the vent and adjust the temperature on my side of the car, trying to get warm.
“Well, you should have tried harder,” I mutter loud enough for him to hear me.
“You should have told me about Zeke!”
I glare at him. “When, Luca? When would have been a good time to tell you that I have a two-year-old son? That I’m a mom. That I already have my life planned out for me after college and that I’m struggling to get through the day because my child, who should need me, is being cared for by my parents.”
“Any time before today,” he seethes. “We had study dates together. You could have mentioned Zeke then. Or how about in class? You could have shown me a photo of your son on your phone. Hell, I put my phone number into your phone; he wasn’t even a wallpaper on your screen. It’s like you were trying to hide him.”
“That’s not fair.” I shake my head, but maybe some small part of me believes him.
I did hide Zeke from everyone.
Kensley, my best friend at Evergreen, doesn’t know about my son.
My shitty roommate, Quinn; I obviously wouldn’t have told her.
He’s a secret that I’ve been keeping, not to protect him, but to protect myself.
Because believing that I could have a normal college life was easier than facing the reality that I’m a teenage mom.
The worst part in all of it, was leaving him behind. “I didn’t even want to come here,” I say, staring out the side window.
“Then why the fuck did you come to Nova’s birthday? I told you not to come.”
He’s angry with me. I’m not sure he’ll ever forgive me.
“I wasn’t talking about the party. I meant EU,” I say.
He’s silent. It’s the first time in a while that I feel like he’s letting me speak, or maybe he’s just decided he doesn’t care what I say, he’s going to remain angry with me forever.
“That scholarship, Luca, it required me to live on campus. I wanted to commute so that I could go to college during the day, and then come home so I could be with Zeke as much as possible.”
He shifts again but doesn’t say anything.
I know he’s listening, even when he pretends not to pay attention. His muscles flex and ripple as I speak. The tension bounds through him, unwilling to release.
“My parents decided for me that I would be coming here to get an education.” They couldn’t afford my tuition without the scholarship. It was an either or situation: attend full-time and live on campus, or live at home, get a job, and forgo the college degree.
“Don’t blame this on your parents.” Luca glares at me before returning his attention back on the road.
It’s growing dark outside, and the drive back to campus isn’t on heavily traveled roads.
