“Why—why’d you stop?” I pant out.
He averts his gaze, only offering me a single, frustrating shake of his head.
“I want this, you know that right?” I whisper, my head darting down to try and catch his gaze. “I wantyou.”
In the split second I manage to meet his eyes, I’m overwhelmed by the insecurity I see there. It borders on the line of self-loathing.
Even though I can imagine why it’s there, it still bothers me deeply. Because I know I see him so differently than he views himself. I just want him to see what I see.
Out of anyone, even including Ash, I feel like I can relate to his experience at the farm in a way that’s unique to the two of us.
It seems like we were both taken from wherever we existed before the facility when we were a lot younger than the others. We’ve also got similar sort of memory issues.
This life, this new one we’re making for ourselves, it feels like our first time living. And that’s terrifying. Because there’s so much to mess up.
When Rowan first saved me from his brother, I clung desperately to the idea of rules. Because rules gave life order. Predictability.
But sometimes life isn’t predictable. And you just have to go with the flow.
I’m still learning that second part.
“Here, how about we try something,” I murmur softly, reaching out and cupping Rage’s cheek.
The skin along the puckered lines of his scar is surprisingly soft. Maybe that’s an analogy for Rage.
He’s scary looking at first. But when you push even the slightest bit, when you try to get to know him, he’s just as fragile as the rest of us.
Maybe more so.
“Are you scared you’re going to do something I don’t like? Or that I don’t want?” I ask.
He offers me a single nod.
I’ll settle for nods. It’s better than him trying to hide entirely.
“Then maybe we should come up with rules. That way you know what to expect.”
“Like a safe word?” Rowan suggests from the couch across from us.
“What’s that?” I ask.
“It’s where if you—or I guess any party involved—is feeling uncomfortable or afraid or something, then you say the word and everything stops no questions asked.”
“Yes,” Rage growls, nodding at Rowan. “I want that.”
“I think it’s a great idea!” I say, smiling.
Rage’s words wash over me like a soothing balm. I’m so glad we’ve found something.
“What should our safe word be?”
“You talking safe words over here, Shortcake?” Ash says, leaning over the back of the couch and taking my lips in a fiery kiss.
“Mhmm,” I say, smiling up at him as he pulls away.
“Kinky,” Griffin says, flashing me a wink.
“What about something cute, like Strawberry?” Rowan suggests.
