And my friend is asking me for help.
“I think... I think you just do the best you can,” I say, slowly, squeezing his hand in mine. “And it’ll be enough.”
“But—but I know it, I can feel it in my god damn bones, Jett is going to bang on that door and do something fucked up and—and I won’t be able to stop it!” He grits out.
“He probably will,” I say, swallowing hard. “And trust me, that terrifies me too, but would taking another dose of the booster really have changed things?”
He flinches back as if my words have struck him like a physical blow before his shoulders curl in on themselves.
“No.” The single syllable is so quiet I have to lean in to hear him. “Because I’m a pathetic beta loser who can’t do anything to protect the people I care about.”
“That’s not true!” I snap. His face is warm under my fingertips, flushed with the storm of emotions he’s feeling, as I reach out and force him to look at me. “Look at what you’ve been able to do for us in the past month.”
He starts shaking his head like he’s going to argue with me and a frustrated noise that sounds an awful lot like my best attempt at a growl leaves my chest.
“Rage has the most physical strength out of anyone we know, buthecouldn’t have done what you’ve done for us! You got me a nest and the alphas’ actual beds. You’ve kept your father off your back and prepared all of the guys for what they’ll be facing tonight. You being a beta didn’t have anything to do with that!”
His expression crumbles and he clings to me, tugging me into his lap and wrapping his arms around his waist.
“You matter,” I murmur, wrapping my arms around his neck. “You don’t have to take those enhancement drugs or be an alpha to matter, Rowan. I wish so badly you could see yourself the way I see you.”
“Any of the other guys would be able to protect you if they were in my shoes,” he mumbles into my hair.
“The alphas?” I ask, jerking my head back so I can see him.
He nods, wiping away at his cheeks.
“But they’re not in your shoes. Only you’re in your shoes. And you’re doing the best you can.”
“But—but what if it’s not enough? What if he hurts you again?”
His question stops me in my tracks. Because he’s right, what happens if Jett or someone else tries to hurt me?
“I guess... I just survive it,” I say, a furrow forming between my brows as I try to believe my own words. “There’s—there’s so much of the world I want to see. As long as I’m alive, then there’s so much to look forward to. I mean, I’d like to hope any pain they cause me is temporary, you know?”
“That’s such a you answer,” Rowan says, letting out a short laugh that’s somewhere between a snort and a hiccup.
“Are you feeling better?” I murmur softly, brushing away the last remaining wetness on his cheeks.
“Yeah, thanks, Sugar.”
“Of course.” I shift awkwardly on his lap. “I wasn’t lying earlier, um, I seriously have to use the bathroom.
“Shit, yeah, I’ll give you some privacy,” he says, scrambling to his feet.
I reach out as he’s stepping out of the bathroom, catching his wrist in my hand.
“We’re going to get through tonight,” I say, offering him a small smile. “Regardless of what happens, okay?”
His jaw clenches as he offers me a definitive nod. “Yeah, we will.”
Once I’m done with my business in the bathroom, I step out to see Rowan tapping against his phone screen furiously, a deep scowl on his face.
“What’s wrong?” I ask softly, my sock-covered feet sliding against the floor.
“Jett is coming over here right now,” he says with a scowl.
I stiffen, clutching the hem of Rowan’s worn hoodie. Despite the fact I have my own clothes now, I like stealing his clothes. While I’m a big fan of the stretchy leggings and soft blouses he’s gotten me, there’s just something about wearing clothes that carry Rowan’s fresh basil scent. It’s not as pronounced as any of the alpha’s, but it’s still comforting.
