“That’s the fucking problem, Sugar. That’s what I’m trying to say. When you see me, actuallyseeme, you’re going to be fucking pissed you gave a shit about me. Because people don’t give a shit about me, that’s how it’s been my entire fucking life. You’re going to see who I am, and you’re going to be disgusted.”
He takes a frantic breath, his shoulders trembling. He stares at me, bracing for my next words.
“I don’t think so,” I say slowly. “We—we haven’t known each other for very long, but I think you’re forgetting that I’ve seen the way your family treats you. I think—I think it makes sense you’dturn to something to try to give yourself a sense of control. That’s why you do it, right?”
His jaw clenches as he gives me a jerky nod.
“I’ve still been taking the doses every week. It’s not as much as I was taking them before, but still. I’ve been taking them even though Iknewwhere they were coming from. I’ve been given the most ‘control’ and ‘responsibility’ I’ve ever had in my entire life, and I can’t stop myself. Doesn’t that make me fucked up?”
“I don’t think so,” I say, shifting closer to him slowly.
He lets me move closer to him, and I let out a little sigh of relief when I feel his leg pressed against mine.
“That’s only ‘cause you don’t know any better,” he says.
I flinch. I know I don’t know a lot. I’m reminded every time I go outside and see something new, like a new flower, or a new cloud.
“I’m trying,” I say, my voice soft and almost childlike. I’ve lost all the conviction of my earlier words. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t mean what I’m saying.”
“Fuck, I’m an asshole,” Rowan groans. “I’m sorry. I just—I just can’t believe that a girl like you would be interested in a guy like me. I can imagine that if you and the alpha fighters had met in real life that you guys would’ve formed a pack and lived your lives. I don’t—I can’t see myself in that picture.”
“But I do,” I insist, reaching out and grabbing his hands with mine, imploring him to believe me. To see me. To hear me. “I don’t know what the outside world is like, but I know thatyouwere the one to save me from your brother.Youare the one who’s worked your ass off to make sure you can keep us all safe. You’re in the picture, Rowan.”
“You’re too good to me.”
“I think you deserve more good in your life,” I murmur. “Please stay with me tonight? In my nest? It’ll smell off if I’m the onlyone who’s staying here.”
He nods thoughtfully. “Okay, I’ll stay.”
I flash him a watery smile, the tears that have been clinging to my lower lashes falling with the motion. “I’m glad.”
CHAPTER 25
Griffin
Rage slams me against the padding of the makeshift room we have in the training barn with a snarl.
“Fuck,” I wheeze out, as all the air is knocked out of me.
“Rage, that’s enough,” Mirabelle calls.
Rage moves instantly, shifting his weight off of me without a second glance before he jogs over to where Mirabelle is seated, on a stack of crates.
She’s wearing a pretty long-sleeved blouse and leggings that hug her hips in a way that should be illegal. All new clothes the beta kid has bought her.
As much as I doubted him at first, Rowan definitely seems to have proven he’s capable of taking care of her.
And of training us.
Rage drops to a knee between her legs, bowing his head, and she immediately starts petting him and running her hands through his hair.
She offers me a little finger wave when she notices the way I’m staring at her.
I offer her a grin that’s probably a little tight aroundthe edges as I push myself up. It’s getting harder and harder to control my jealousy the longer I’m on the drugs we’re forced to take.
The doses Rowan gives us are apparently less than what the others are used to because their supply has been cut off or something like that, but they still impact my ability to think clearly.
“Good job, Griffin,” Rowan calls, glancing up from a notebook as he finishes writing something down. He carries that thing everywhere with him now.
