“I know.”
“But he treats you well. Dotes on you even. And you look happier and healthier now than you have in a while.”
“Come on, I wasn’t that bad when I was working.”
“You were.” She hugs herself, biting her lip. “I knew it too. I just didn’t know what else to do. I should’ve gotten a job and lied to you about it or something. But I was selfish and you were so insistent. Maybe I could’ve done more.”
“Stop it. You did exactly what you were supposed to do. You focused on school. Now it’ll pay off. I have zero regrets.”
“Then don’t start regretting Stellan.” She says this with a surprising amount of conviction. “That man adores you. He’s the best thing that ever happened to you.”
I laugh at that. “Come on, you’re being dramatic now.”
“No, I mean it. You love him too, don’t you?”
“Love him? I don’t know. It’s complicated. Relationships aren’t always about love like in the movies.”
“Don’t lie to me. You love him.”
“Gem—”
“Tell me the truth.”
I stare at my sister, ringing all over like I’m a bell in a windstorm. How does she see it so clearly when it’s all a muddled mess in my head? But every time she says it,you love him, some physical part of me reacts like my body knows something my head wants to deny.
“Maybe. I don’t know. We’re going in that direction.” I reach out and grab her hand before she can demand more. “It really is complicated, but please, if I ever know for sure, you’ll be the first person I tell.”
She hesitates, clearly unsure if she’s buying it, but finally grins back. “Actually, I should be the second. You should probably tell him first.”
“Good point.”
We laugh together, which is a big relief. Pam brings over dinner, two big messy omelets we didn’t even order, compliments of the chef. Harry waves again from his little window, and even though I wasn’t in the mood for eggs, it’s absolutely delicious. As I eat, I start to think it’s not so bad, being honest with myself. It’s not so bad being happy. Gem wouldn’t mind at all, and maybe my life wouldn’t fall apart if I stopped and focused on myself for a change.
Even though that’s hard to fathom.
“I should probably warn you,” I say once we’ve finished eating. I leave a fat tip even though Pam won’t let us pay for our meal. “Stellan and I are going down to Florida for a few days to talk to Mom.”
Gem’s eyebrows shoot up. “Seriously? I thought we agreed she was dead to us?”
“I know, but it’s about business.”
“Great, that changes everything.”
“If I could avoid it, I swear I would. You know I hate her as much as you do.”
Gem pauses in the vestibule between the diner and the outside. “That’s the shitty thing. Idon’thate her. I just wish she were someone else.”
That breaks my heart. I put my arm around my sister’s shoulders and steer her into the evening.
“I’ll be back soon, I promise, and I’ll bring you a souvenir.”
“Mom’s head shoved in a duffel?”
“Doubt I can get it through security.”
“You think Stellan flies commercial?”
She’s got a point there. I’m about to make a joke when a car comes to a screeching halt in the street.
