“Tessa,” Blake warned.
“Oh, come on. They’re family.”
Blake sighed, but the corner of his mouth twitched. “Fine.”
“We’re trying for a baby!” Tessa burst out, practically vibrating with joy.
She meant well. And baby news was certainly more exciting than my impending murder trial. But the words hit me like a truck. A baby. My brother might have a baby.
And I might not be here to meet them.
Axel’s face scrunched up in exaggerated horror. “Oh God, TMI!” he groaned, covering his ears. “Nobody wants to think about Blake doing the deed. It’s like imagining your parents?—”
“We get it, Axel,” Blake cut him off.
I had to admit, Axel’s dramatics softened the ache in my chest. When he locked eyes with me, I sensed that had been his goal all along. Sarcasm was Axel’s love language.
“Do you though? Because announcing you’re actively trying to procreate is basically saying,Hey, everyone, we’re having lots of?—”
“AXEL,” multiple voices shouted.
But Scarlett was laughing so hard, she nearly spilled her wine, and even Jace was pressing his lips together to hide a smile.
“I’m just saying, keep that information to yourselves. Some of us are trying to eat here,” Axel pressed.
“We haven’t ordered food yet,” Jace pointed out.
“I’m eating mentally. In preparation.”
“Are you twelve?” Blake demanded.
“Are you ninety? Who announces baby-making at a bonfire?”
Dakota reached back and swatted his arm, but she was smiling. “Leave them alone.”
“I’m being supportive,” Axel protested, not sounding the least bit sorry. “In my own way.”
Despite everything, I chuckled. But it died in my throat when I looked at Tessa’s glowing face, at Blake’s protective hand on her shoulder. They were starting their future. Building a family.
All the futures spread out before me. Scarlett and Jace would probably get married soon. Dakota and Axel would too. Blake and Tessa would have beautiful babies. And I’d be … where? Behind bars? Missing every moment?
Grief hit me like a wave. A deep, visceral mourning for losses I hadn’t even experienced yet. For tiny fingers I’d never hold. For first words I’d never hear. For birthdays and bedtimes and all those ordinary, precious moments that would happen without me.
Then underneath the grief, something uglier twisted in my chest. Jealousy. If I went away, they would continue on nights like this, having bonfires, dinners together. They would get married, get pregnant, have babies, raise their families, and I would miss all of it.
It was reprehensible to feel jealous. Iwantedthem to move on. They deserved full, happy lives, and the world wouldn’t stop spinning just because I was forever confined to a six-by-eight-foot cell. Being jealous was wrong because it meant that some part of me wanted … what exactly? Time to freeze? People tonotmove on with their lives if I couldn’t move on with mine?
How selfish.
“Congratulations,” I managed, my voice only cracking a little. “That’s wonderful.”
“You’ll be the best aunt,” Tessa said, and I had to look away before she saw my eyes fillwith tears.
I caught Ryker watching me across the fire. He wasn’t smiling like the others. He was just … studying. Like he could see every terrified thought racing through my mind. His hand twitched, like he wanted to reach for me, but couldn’t cross the distance between us. Not here. Not with everyone watching.
“Five more minutes,” Ryker said.
Five more minutes of normal. Five more minutes of pretending. Five more minutes before we dived into the nightmare my life had become.
