Axel: Emotional support counts. I’m the morale officer.
Blake: You’re a sentient hemorrhoid.
Axel: Okay, I just Googled “sentient,” and that’s fucking RUDE, Blake.
Jace: You had to Google sentient?
Axel: I knew it was an insult. I just wanted to know HOW MUCH of an insult.
Blake: And?
Axel: It’s a solid 8 out of 10. Well done. Your creativity is back.
Jace: What Axel is trying to say is that we’re fortunate to be in a position to help. Right, Axel?
Axel: Sure, Dad. Whatever keeps you from giving me the “family meeting” lecture.
Jace: I don’t lecture.
Axel: You literally lectured me last week about my “tone” in the group chat.
Jace: Because you told Blake his surgical skills were “mid.”
Axel: I said FOR AN ER DOCTOR, which is a compliment!
Me: I’m about to drive Faith home now.
Jace: How is she?
Me: Holding up. Barely.
Jace: Heard the prosecutor’s a grade-A nightmare. Real piece of work.
Me: Prosecutor’s out for blood.
Axel: Then it’s a good thing she’s got the best damn lawyer in the state.
Blake: Was that … an actual compliment?
Axel: Dakota threatened to withhold sex if I didn’t “contribute positively to group dynamics.”
Blake: Ah. There it is. You really think this thread qualifies as positive?
Axel: HEY. I didn’t even tell you guys my jokes yet. This TOTALLY qualifies as positive.
Jace: Oh God.
Axel: What do you call a lawyer who doesn’t chase ambulances?
Blake: Don’t.
Axel: RETIRED. *crying laughing emoji*
Me: I’m a defense attorney, not personal injury.
Axel: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
Blake: Axel, I swear?—
