“I need coffee and a full explanation,” Kat says.
Janie stops at the table with a tray full of mugs and menus. I’m starving and only need thirty seconds to point to a stack of blueberry pancakes. The others are regulars and don’t even bother to open the menus before giving their orders. Once Janie leaves, I turn to Wade. “They’re your friends. You tell them. I’ll fill in the details.”
“Long story short—” Wade starts.
“Absolutely not!” Kat interrupts. “If this story ends up with you married, I want—I mean, I need all the details.”
I’m glad to meet somebody else who is unaffected by the Duck Glare, but this situation is stressful enough without being ribbed by people who don’t know our backstory. Wade doesn’t waste any time. “A quick introduction then,” he says. “Twenty years ago, Melissa and I were in the bridal party for our friends, Josh and Joan Klein. This past weekend was their twentieth anniversary, and we were invited on a cruise where they planned to renew their vows.”
I nod in agreement.
Wade continues. “The captain invited us all to a stateroom. He did the “Do you, Josh” and “Do you, Joan” bit and they didthe “I do” part. And then Joan suggested that since we were already there and dressed up that Melissa and I…”
“There was a little booze involved.”
“But not stupid amounts,” Wade clarifies.
“No, not that much.”
“Joanie said we should take the leap for the weekend. And we figured why the hell not. So, the captain did his “Do you, Wade” and “Do you, Melissa” bit again, and we did the “I do” part. And then we signed as participants and witnesses for the shipboard certificates.”
“We thought they were souvenir things. You know, good for as long as you’re on board.”
“Exactly. This wasn’t entrapment or some shit like that.”
Kat presses her lips together, then takes a sip of coffee. “Are you sure it’s legit? The certificate might just look really good. Can I see it?”
I hand her the envelope. While she flips through the pages I’ve already scoured, my pancakes arrive. All I’ve had is airport food and a drive-through hamburger in the last twenty-four hours. I’m starving.
“I don’t suppose either of you signed a pre-nup?” Kat asks.
“For a fake wedding? No.”
“Any chance either of you were already legally married before you signed this?”
“Divorced,” we say at the same time.
“You didn’t read any of the paperwork?”
“They said sign here, so we signed.” Wade rubs his beard. “We thought it was in fun.”
“Did you fill in these applications?” Kat asks in clarification.
“We think they pulled the details from our booking reservations. We stopped in Bahamas, so they had our passport information,” I say. It’s the only thing that makes sense. “Is it a real marriage license?”
“I’ll have to verify it online, but all signs point to yes. Congratulations.”
“Well, fuck me,” Wade says.
“We already did that on our honeymoon. That’s how we ended up in this mess, Duck.”
Wylie chokes on his coffee.
Duck glares at me. “Thanks, Trouble. You always know just what to say.”
CHAPTER 6
DUCK
