"I blame you," she wheezes, "your swimmers must be Olympic-level fellas."
"When did you find out?" I ask.
"The day after we got married," she says. "I realized I hadn't had my period the entire time I've been with you, because I'm just so alert like that. I will defend myself by saying that I've always had irregular cycles, but still, you would think that would've occurred to me."
I kiss her cheek, her forehead, the tip of her nose. "I know how women's bodies work, I didn't think to ask."
"I should've told you that day," she says.
"Then we're ambushed as soon as we step foot on US soil. You must have been terrified, thinking about the baby."
"I screamed at you," she says. "I took out all my fear on you and called you things that can't be taken back."
"Words, I can forgive. I was just as bad. I hated you seeing me like that and I was furious you were in danger. So I took it out on you. You're no coward. I've always known how brave you are." Leaning against the pillows, I lift her onto my lap, pulling the covers over us.
"Dmitri, are you okay? Really?"
"About the baby?" I stroke the soft skin of her back. "I haven't really thought about children. I knew I would have to produce children eventually asPakhan."
"Producechildren?" she laughs.
"That sounded impersonal as fuck, didn't it?" I chuckle, jostling her on my lap. "I'm going to be afather, and having a baby with you? Yes, Magpie, I am so happy. I vow to you; our children will be safe."
"As safe as they can be," she says. "I know, in the way your mother does, that no one is really safe all of the time. But that doesn't keep me from believing that we can have a happy life together, like your parents have. They prove it can be done."
"We need to talk about what you saw that night," I say reluctantly, feeling her stiffen against me and hating it. "You saw me smiling when I was threatening that fuck. I have fought my demon since I was a child."
"Your demon?" She turns around, straddling me, taking my hands.
"When I was ten or so, I started having violent outbursts. I got angry so easily. My parents put me in boxing, martial arts. Anything to work the anger out of me. I suspect my father was afraid that I was like his father. He was a cruel, vicious bastard."
"Until that night, I would have had a hard time believing that," she says. "You're so composed."
"I learned to control it. I was able to discipline myself into thinking and not reacting. Focusing on the problem instead of letting rage take over."
I met her eyes. "In some ways, we have very similar challenges, my Magpie. Staying focused, staying with what matters in the moment. I've kept my demon locked away for so long. When you came careening into my life there was something about you, the protectiveness I felt, that let him loose. He started pushing to be let out again and when he is, Iamsavage. I am monstrous. I enjoy crushing anyone who threatens you."
She's listening with a frown, but she doesn't let go of my hands. "Is that why you head for the gym and beat shit out of your heavy bag some nights before you come looking for me?"
"I'm putting the demon back in the box, yes," I nod. "You need to understand what I said to that man was psychological. The Morozov Bratva does not hurt women or children. I'm vicious, I know. I can be brutal. But not with you. I will never be that way with you, or our child."
"I believe you," she says. "Though this demon of yours, maybe squishing him down didn't help either. Maybe letting him run loose every now and then when you can control it, isn't such a bad thing."
Ava meets my gaze, unflinching. Sliding my hand over her stomach, I feel the warmth and softness of her skin. "Have you felt anything yet?"
"No," she says, putting her hand on top of mine. "And I'm glad.?"
"Why?" I ask.
"Because I want us to feel it together."
We stay in bed, talking and kissing, discussing baby names until my phone buzzes angrily.
"We have to get up and go talk to people, don't we?" she says a little sadly. "You have responsibilities."
"Nothing that my brothers can't handle." I rub my forehead with a groan. "Though I suspect my father is going to schedule a very long talk with me tomorrow."
"Why?"
