Wine night? I'm picking up Thai food.
Relief flooded through me. I needed my best friend's perspective, even if I couldn't tell her everything.
Me:
My place. 7pm.
Two hours later, Holly sat cross-legged on my couch, spring rolls balanced on her lap as she studied my face with unnerving accuracy.
"So," she said, reaching for her wine glass. "Want to tell me why you look like you've been hit by a truck, or should I guess?"
"It's nothing." I took a large swallow of wine, hoping it would calm the restless energy thrumming through my body.
"Uh-huh. And I'm the Queen of England." Holly set down her food, giving me her full attention. "This is about Easton, isn't it?"
I groaned, dropping my head back against the couch. "Is it that obvious?"
"Only to someone who's known you since you were ten." She smiled sympathetically. "What happened?"
"We almost kissed. Last night. At my house, after Casey had a nightmare." The words tumbled out. "He stayed over in the guest room, and we were in the hallway, and we were so close, and I wanted him to, but then I stopped him. And Holly, every time we're alone, the tension keeps building, and I don't know how much longer I can—"
I stopped, unable to finish the sentence.
"How much longer can you resist?" Holly supplied gently.
"It's not just about resisting." I set down my wine, wrapping my arms around myself. "Casey's comfortable with him as Uncle Easton, and we're in a good place. And if I sleep with him and it's a disaster, then what? Casey loses him because her mother couldn't keep it in her pants?"
Holly was quiet for a moment, twirling her wine glass.
I took a breath. "Actually, I… I looked at that website you mentioned. Sassy's."
Holly's eyebrows shot up. "You did?"
"Last night. After…" I gestured vaguely. "After everything. I couldn't sleep, and I was thinking about what you'd said, and I just… looked."
"And?"
"And I don't know." I pulled a throw pillow onto my lap, needing something to hold. "The idea of it, of letting go, not having to think or plan or carry everything… It's appealing. But when I was reading through it, picturing what it would be like…" I trailed off.
"You pictured Easton," Holly said softly.
I nodded, heat crawling up my neck. "I can't even fantasize about anonymous strangers. It's just him. His hands. His voice. And that's the whole problem, isn't it? The point of a place like that is supposed to be separation. Physical without emotional. But with him, I can't separate anything."
Holly leaned forward, her expression thoughtful. "You know, Sassy's has this feature. An anonymous matching service."
"What do you mean?"
"If you're not ready to just show up and navigate it yourself, you can submit a request through their website. You fill out a compatibility form. It has preferences, limits, and experience level, and then you’re matched with a compatible Dom." Holly took a sip of wine. "Then you meet in person at the club. Everyone wears masks, so it's still anonymous. No real names, no photos, just… connection based on compatibility and chemistry."
My heart rate picked up. "You meet them without knowing who they are?"
"That's kind of the point. It removes all the outside stuff like jobs, status, history. You're just two people exploring adynamic." She shrugged. "After you meet, if there's chemistry, you decide together how to proceed. Some people keep it anonymous and only meet at the club. Others eventually unmask and see where it goes outside those walls."
I chewed my bottom lip, considering. "And people actually do this?"
"According to their website, it's pretty popular. Some people find the anonymity freeing. It lets them explore without judgment or preconceptions." She reached over and squeezed my hand. "Look, I'm not trying to push you into anything. I just know you're wound so tight you're about to snap, and sleeping with Easton while you're keeping this secret from him? That feels like it would make everything more complicated."
She was right. God, she was right.
