He melts into me like it was exactly what he needed, even though I’ve been attached to him at the hip for the last half hour. I rest my ear against his wet chest and savor the sound of his strong, beating heart under it.
“I think the adrenaline is messing with my mind,” Cameron says. “I had this awful feeling just a second ago that you were going to disappear on me the second I walked out the door.”
I frown at the fact that he can read me so easily and squeeze him a little tighter while I think of the right words to deflect. I can’t admit that he was close, and that Iamplanning to disappear after all of this is settled. So instead, I say something else that is true, but that changes the subject completely.
“You know, I much prefer being this close to you when you’re dry and warm, instead of dripping wet and freezing cold.”
He lets out a low laugh and then releases me with a sad grin. “I agree, but it feels wrong to joke about it.”
“It probably is,” I agree, and he blinks down at me with that same reverence as before when I don’t follow it up with abutor some other way to try and excuse it.
He leans down to kiss the top of my head and promises that he will be back to get me so that we can go downstairs together, and I release the breath that I’d been holding as soon as the door clicks closed behind him. If I managed to keep myself together after being completely taken off guard with the news of Delaney’s death, I can surely keep it together for a few more hours while we sort through the aftermath. Then, as soon as I get the chance to be alone again, I will allow myself to feel everything: all the guilt, sadness, and grief.
And then, when I am back home in my apartment and I am truly alone, I can figure out how to come to terms with the fact that I have yet another person’s blood on my hands.
Chapter thirty-one
TRAUMA BOND
Thingsmovequicklyafterthat.
Cameron had me pack up my belongings so that we could vacate the house while they complete their investigation. We got word from Detective Cartwright that Delaney was pronounced dead by the first set of policemen, which still hit like a blow, even though we both knew that was the only possible outcome.
Leah and Val ran over to hug me as soon as I came downstairs, and Ollie’s haunted face reflected Cameron’s as he watched us from across the foyer, helping me piece together who saw Delaney’s body and who didn’t.
Detective Cartwright confirmed that he sent a few men out to get Judith, so from there, we all immediately headed to the station to regroup so that the police could attempt to piece together what happened. We were told that it was completely optional to go to the station, and that we could leave at any time, so I seriously considered declining. I have too many bad memories where police and paramedics are involved, butCameron felt it was important to give his statement of what happened, with Jalen present as his attorney, so I decided to go with him for support.
When Jalen offers to drive the three of us to the police station, I expect Cameron to ride shotgun so that the two of them can discuss legal strategy. I imagine the liabilities with Cameron being the homeowner and Delaney’s employer are complex. But when we run through the rain to get into Jalen’s Range Rover, Cameron opens the door to the backseat and then jumps in right behind me. After fussing over me by turning on the seat warmers and offering to recline my seat back, I finally convince him that I am content to just rest my head on his shoulder for the twenty-minute drive, and we spend the rest of it in silence.
I think Cameron still feels bad for shutting down back at the house, so being overly attentive now that he has regained his composure is his way of trying to make it up to me. It’s completely unnecessary, though. That’s just what people who care about each other do. They step up when the other person breaks down.
It’s not lost on me that I have known this man for less than twenty-four hours, and yet, I am already dreading the inevitable end of our time together. Anyone could have argued before Delaney’s accident that our attraction was, at least partially, due to common trauma. Losing both of your parents is hard enough, and what we went through by having a hand in it was even worse.
Whatever trauma bond we had before has officially been cemented in this nightmare of losing Delaney, and it’s going to rip me apart to have to leave, but it’s the only way to keep him safe. As it stands, I am already assuming that one death is enough to appease my curse for a few days, so that I can see the investigation through and then be long gone before Cameron finds himself in any real danger for being in such close proximityto me. I push everything aside, for the time being, to focus on committing to memory the feeling of Cameron’s fingers as they make gentle circles on the back of my hand.
“You don’t have to talk to the police at all, just so you know,” Cameron says, as we enter uptown and the traffic slows. “It’s not required at this stage, and you probably don’t have any details that would help the investigation, anyway.”
“What if my perspective could help you, though? In case there is any question of . . .” I trail off as I realize it’s not helpful for me to point out the possible ramifications of an accident happening on his property.
He turns away from looking out of the front windshield to meet my eyes. “You don’t have to worry about that. There are security cameras all over the house that will help us understand exactly what happened. I’ve already reached out to the company to release all of the footage to the police department so that they can use it to help with their investigation. Plus, Ravenwood has a hefty insurance policy; my dad made sure of it when my mom started the business.”
“Will there still be footage when the power was down?”
He looks back out the front of the car as Jalen pulls into the police station parking lot. “I’m pretty sure that most of the cameras have backup power sources. I guess it all just depends on what time she . . .” This time, he trails off, and I nod so that he does not need to finish his statement out loud. “Either way, Jalen has agreed to sit in with you if you decide to give a statement, so please call or text either of us if you decide to talk to anyone. You still have both of our numbers?”
“Yes,” I say, feeling even more certain that the last thing I want to do is give a statement and request that Jalen, a lawyer, sit in with me.
Lawyering up reeks of guilt, and this was clearly a horrible accident. The last thing I need is to bring undue suspicion ontomyself and give my curse an easy way to make my life more difficult than it already is.
Jalen puts the car in park and hops out to make a phone call, leaving Cameron and me alone to have a moment before we go inside.
As soon as the door closes, he turns to me and says, “We’re going to get through this, Drew. I promise.”
“I’m still scared.” I look down at the Band-Aids that are failing miserably at holding my cut together. I could already use a few new ones, or maybe I will need stitches, like Cameron suggested earlier.
“Me too,” he admits, and uses his free hand to tilt my chin back up. “But we have each other, so we don’t have to go through it alone this time.” He says it like a promise, and in his eyes I see that look again, that he truly means it, even though we didn’t even know the other existed mere hours ago.
Well, technically, he knew I existed. He had a head start on this crazy connection we have. I’m not sure how that should make me feel, but the reality is that it makes me feel safe in a way that I’ve never felt before, because even though I have Scott, Gabe, and Monika, and I’ve never had to go through any of my staggering losses alone, Cameron’s support is different. It’s not only that he will be there for me if I need him, but it’s also a complete and total understanding, like how we can simply look at each other and know exactly what the other is thinking. Or how he could tell I was pulling away back in my room, for more than just that moment.
