Malwin frowned at the mention of Roys… his father being ill. He gave the woman, his mother I guessed, a worried look. She tugged him to her side and gave a calming smile. Holo frames on the wall behind them were out of focus, but I thought I saw one containing Roys, his bulky form huge compared to them.
“Thank you for letting us know. Have him call when he wakes up, regardless of the time,” she said.
“Will do.”
Malwin was utterly dejected; his bottom lip jutted out in a cute pout. The woman smiled before saying goodnight. The call shut off.
I dropped Roys’ wrist. My stomach twisted into a knot that had me stumbling to the bathroom, where I threw up.
034
Accordingtothehabitat,nothing transpired last night. No remnants of the tussle with Roys remained. Arana spoke nothing of the incident. The messages we received from the captain were no different either. My orders were to fly the shuttle. Iylene would be my co-captain. Roys would not be joining us, claiming he had paperwork and we could handle ourselves.
I wouldn’t go see him, no matter how much my body tried to betray me, no matter how worried I was. Wondering what he was doing, if he was resting, if he was itching to take more, if he had taken the medicine I left for him. Tareik had a stockpile in case anyone had these issues, which in the militia was a guarantee. Leaving the barracks, I nearly turned around to check and berated myself for considering messaging him. I wasn’t at fault for anything. He made a mistake — a huge one, and I cleaned up the mess.
Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.
On the shuttle, Maddy sat between Elado and Galya. Though Maddy wore no expression, I sensed her distress at being bombarded by Galya’s constant dribble. For once, I would prefer that over my own thoughts. Before I left last night, I put a note on Roys’ commlink that his son called.
His son.
My fingers flexed on the wheel. I had the sudden urge to bite down on a piece of candy, on a cherry flavor too sweet, that would make my teeth ache with such pain I couldn’t think.
His family… I couldn't see him being the cheating type. It hadn't even really crossed my mind. Those two, they saw me for that brief moment, thinking of me as one of his officers, which I was. Nothing more. Just the complete fucking idiot that helped hide a huge fuck up that would have gotten him reassigned.
That boy’s face flashed in my mind. Roys lying unconscious on the bed. The broken vials in the grass. The horror in his eyes. How he was so desperate for the synthetic he broke my nose for it…
I didn’t care. None of it mattered. I would forget in a day or so. Roys would ensure that, seeing as he was pretending to forget, too.
Throughout the day, he never messaged. I didn’t either. Iylene took to waiting in the cockpit, with minor convincing from me, while I followed the survey team around. If I sat in the cockpit all day, I would do something stupid, like call Roys and ask about his family, what happened last night, why he hadn’t reached out yet, if his mind was as muddled by the thought of me as mine was of him…
Keeping my attention on the survey team, even letting Galya talk to me about a previous expedition, was the best choice. Her constant chatter proved useful for my ailing mind that wouldn’t let me forget dragging Roys’ limp body to bed. But even Galya couldn’t spare me all day. She was working and went to Elado while I kept checking the perimeter.
I knocked into someone. Thankfully, not Galya. I might have crushed her, or she might have thrown me. I met Arana’s gaze. There was movement nearby — little cat-like critters that munched on flora stalks,but nothing to worry over. Meaning there was no reason for Arana to leave formation. She had her commlink up. The distraction led to her meandering about.
She suddenly hid her commlink behind her back.
“Were you watching some home videos of your girlfriends?” I teased because that was what I would do. Because I was fine and normal and nothing was tearing me apart at the seams.
“I wasn’t watching anything.”
“Then what were you reading?”
“Nothing,” she answered too fast. “I should get back in formation.”
“You shouldn’t have wandered out of it.”
Arana was shit at gambling because she was shit at lying. She didn’t have a poker face. She had a“I’m totally lying”face, and while her visor hid that, I had the sneaking suspicion she was suppressing something. Or perhaps I had become paranoid after what happened with Roys. Had I intervened sooner, this never would have happened. I would have never seen him like that. He wouldn’t have had to suffer.
“Neither should you. Go away,” she said, cursing when I went for her commlink. She crossed her arms. “You know you can’t grab my commlink off me.”
“But you trying to hide it proves that youarehiding something.”
“Yeah, well, that seems to be a common occurrence around here.”
My tongue ran over the back of my teeth. “You know enough, so share a little of your secret.”
Behind us, Ryker had his blade out, pretending to fight an imaginary warrior. He nearly lopped his own finger off. Lilea made friends with a bug that nestled on her outstretched hand. She was shaking, so she had probably been standing like that for a while. Iylene watched, devoid of emotion but no doubt enjoying themselves. Zavir knelt by Elado, asking questionswhile Maddy poked at flora. In short, no one paid us any mind.
