“And what was that?” he asked.
“Trust.”
“Trust can be rebuilt.”
“Not this time.”
Roys leaned over. His arm brushed mine. The touch shouldn’t have been comforting. Shouldn’t have brought back the memory of moira. The two empty slots he was lucky to have survived and the two full ones that could end him.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
“Family is complicated. Oddly enough, that’s what makes it so fulfilling,” he said.
“Are you close to your family, like, your parents?”
“Not as much as I’d like to be. This job keeps me away for long periods of time. Sometimes I think that’s for the best.” He took a breath, low and slow. “Others I would give anything to have more time at home.”
“After meeting me, I bet that desire to go home multiplied.”
“For a time,” he whispered, but those paltry words had more meaning, one that struck fear in me. “Go talk to her. I’ll stay in the shuttle for a couple more minutes.”
What if he froze?
Roys wasn’t in the right mindset. If the mission went wrong, Iylene would take the lead, but I would get us out of here, the same bastard who abandoned Maddy, Lilea, and even him. Roys was the savior, the one who would put his life on the line for the rest of us. That wasn’t my job. Could never be. I’d fuck it up.
“She doesn’t want me interrupting.”
“She does,” he countered.
“You don’t know her.”
“I know you.”
“Parts of me,” I interjected, holding tight to my arm. “We all have secrets, remember? If you knew mine, you would change your mind.”
Especially if he learned I knew about the moira and did nothing.
Coward.
But because he knew none of that, he wore that stupid cute smile that hadn’t made my heart flutter until recently. I wasn’t sure when it changed, but I needed it to stop, to escape the hope strangling my heart, knowing it would lead to destruction.
“Is that a challenge? Because if it is, I am happy to prove otherwise,” he said.
My lips nearly defied me. The secrets clawed their way up my throat, like a pack of starving beasts set loose. I clamped down hard on my tongue. Maddy became the better option. With her, I treaded familiar waters, and if he fucked up… so be it. If he got relocated, so be it. We’d get a new captain, and life would go on.
I didn’t care.
“I’ll be back in a moment.” Putting on my visor, I fled the shuttle, holding all the unfamiliarity that sent me into a spiral.
Bringing up Maddy’s tracker on my visor, I followed the signal. She used a handheld scanner to rove over a group of flora. She didn’t notice my presence until I stood beside her, where no conversation came to mind. All I continued to think about was Roys.
She swiped across her holo screen, showing one specimen after another and marking new information. “Do you need something?”
“No.” I shifted my weight from one foot to another. Maybe she wasn’t the better option. I was in such a load of shit that nothing could dig me out.
“Then why are you here?”
I couldn’t tell her the truth, or maybe I could and she’d tell me to get my shit together. I didn’t want to hear that.
