“Didn’t you write up a report? Surely they saw it too,” I said.
“They like taking their own account. Said they know what to ask for.”
“And I’m guessing you don’t want me to go over every detail.”
We came upon the lab doors. Typically, doors opened automatically. However, the lab doors remained shut. A red light above the door blinked. While the light scanned us, Roys replied, “Give whatever details you want.”
The doors opened, and he entered. The lab spread open in a dome shape. We hadn’t handled setting up this section. The droids were more skilled and achieved sectioning off the dome to prevent materials from mixing. The front section was clearly meant for collaboration, acommunicative space where an impressive desk with a giant holo screen for those to see on either side. An aevid, like Iylene, sat at the head of the table. Unlike Iylene’s blue skin, this aevid had warmer colors of red and orange.
“Ethin Katlan, yes?” The aevid gave a low bow of their head.
“Everyone calls me Lucky,” I replied and mirrored their nod of greeting.
“Lucky. I am Elado, Head Researcher of The Illionxonah-14356 Project.”
What a mouthful.
“We read Captain Malik’s report concerning the unfortunate flora attack and your struggles in a nearby cave system. We are interested in visiting this cave and would appreciate hearing the story directly from you.” Elado gestured toward the table. “If you wouldn’t mind taking a seat, an assistant and I will catalogue your report.”
A ghost sat at the table.
Shewas there. Flesh and blood. Not a nightmarish configuration of what she once was, what my mind conjured her to be. Color filled her cheeks. No bones protruded from the soft tissue. A living, breathing person full of life, with dark hair cropped at the shoulders and eyes the same pale brown as mine.
Reality evaporated, like steam billowing off slumbering engines. We existed, suspended between nothing. She should have screamed, should have reached toward me, the flesh deteriorating from her fingers and eyes full of maggots. She didn’t.
Mouth opening and closing, opening and closing, her shock was apparent and mine not so dissimilar. The tension in my jaw made my teeth ache. Muscles twitched and clenched, but I did nothing, said nothing for there was too much and nothing at all to speak on.
“Ethin.” Roys’ hand on my shoulder broke the cage.
Sound rushed in. Too loud. Too much. Lights everywhere, flashing through the lab. Elado searched for answers between us. Roys feigned concern. Then she spoke, and it was her voice, not the one shrieking in my nightmares. Truly, honestly her.
“Sir, I must request that Tobs and I switch assignments. He is more than capable of conducting this interview,” she said, calm in a way she had never been.
Her potty mouth became mine. Her attitude became mine. She was the original, and I the clone, forever leeching off her shine, hoping to achieve my own.
“Madlyn, will you not explain what’s going on?” Elado asked.
“He’s my brother.” She spat out the phrase like the most vile curse, all professionalism gone in a flash. There she was, the ruthless sister I always knew, her eyes daggers. “I’ll find Tobs and inform him of his new duties.”
“Maddy,” her name came out a pathetic whimper I’d do anything to take back.
The hand I always hid behind my back for none to see now came too clearly into view.
She stormed into the back of the lab, vanishing as swiftly as she appeared. The child in me, lost on those docks, screamed to follow her. Beg. Plead. Crawl. Bleed. Whatever it took to have her look my way, even if it was in disgust,please just look at me.I silenced that child long ago and I shoved him back where he belonged because I knew better. Real or not, there would be no we. There was only her and me. I made that abundantly clear.
“The captain can tell our story. You don’t need me.” I shoved Roys’ hand off my shoulder. I didn’t want him touching me. Didn’t want anyone touching me.
“Ethin,” he said in that stupid fake-caring voice. “Lucky!”
I threw open the doors, storming out, away, hurrying, pushing, out of the survey team’s area and through the communal space. The world trickled by in a blur, colors and sounds and shadows. Nothing real. Nothing could possibly be real. Maddy couldn’t be here. She died. It was a lie.
A lie. Had to be. Must be.
I walked and walked, out of the habitat, through the field, past the energy shield and into the jungle. The sun hot on my face, the jungle cool on my skin, did nothing, spared me from nothing. I swatted and ripped and pushed and shoved, feeling too much and not knowing where to go or what to do.
A once wide world shrank. The flora, beautiful and inviting, constricted. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t see from my blurred vision, couldn’t speak, couldn’t move…
My visor blared.Warning. Warning Warning.All my vitals went red, breathing fearfully labored. Ripping off the visor, I threw it on the ground and fell there in the heat, wishing the vines would breach and rip me apart. That’d be less painful than this, whatever this was, whipping and whirling, shredding me to pieces that would feel nothing at all.
