“Do you think my past is any better?” he countered. “I haven’t been in a committed relationship since Dinah, if we even want to consider that as one, and sex has always been easy, so long as I was always in control of the situation.”
“What do you mean?”
“I rarely switch. I had less than pleasant experiences because I’d do anything for a hit. I was celibate for a while when I first joined the militia, then it was all about being in control of every situation, but…” He held me tighter and sighed against my neck. “I feel safe with you, and if I’m ever to try anything real, I want it to be with you.”
I held his hand and cursed any bastard who ever harmed him, including myself. I’d do anything to make sure he never felt that way again, thathe’d always feel safe by my side. Even if I didn’t really know how to do that, I wanted to try. For him, I truly believed I would do anything, the best of the best or the worst of the worst.
“I don’t know if I should call you mad or incredibly unfortunate,” I said.
“Ethin.”
“I like when you say my name.”
“Finally letting go of the nickname?”
“No.” I took his hand around my waist to hold. “Ethin is yours.”
“Good.” Roys smiled, and I did too, and his kiss tasted like an unknown future that I couldn’t wait to unravel.
039
Wedidn’tgetmuchsleep. Roys woke from the shivers. He ate, but the food wouldn’t stay down. At one point, he was back at the toilet for over an hour, and we took another shower. I didn’t want to say it aloud, considering how horrible he felt, but I somehow found the night comforting.
We were together. I was right there through all of it. He didn’t have to drag himself to the bathroom or sleep there out of fear that he wouldn’t make it in the middle of the night. Bringing him to bed and holding him through the chills or cooling him off during the sweats was something I could give, and he thanked me profusely for it. Tried twice to tell me I could head out, that this was his mistake, but I didn’t want to abandon him anymore.
By the time morning came, Roys managed three full hours of sleep. His alarm went off before mine did. At some point, he coiled around me like a python. Our entangled limbs caught further in the blankets that called for us to stay a while longer, though I knew Roys would tug himself out of bed when he shouldn’t.
“Why don’t you stay in the shuttle today?” My lips brushed against his forehead, and his beard tickled my neck. Damn, I really loved the beard. If he shaved, I might be forced to riot.
“Because you know as well as I do that my reaction time at the present moment is horrendous, the others will be suspicious, and we all need you to be on the lookout from the shuttle.” He kissed my neck, making me wonder how it would feel to wake up like this every morning.
He wasn’t wrong, much as I loathed to admit it. Arana’s pirate problem could arrive any day. The shuttle had the best tracking, albeit imperfect. If we needed to get away, I would be ready.
“Then make an excuse to stay nearby,” I said.
“Oh, are you the one giving orders now?”
“Seeing as our captain is somewhat indisposed, yeah, I guess I am.”
“Hot.” He grumbled, still clearly half asleep. It made his voice all gravely and I couldn’t get enough of it. “If I had any energy, I’d jump you.”
“You’ve been spending too much time with me because that is clearly one of my lines.”
Roys laughed. The sound rumbled against my chest where he snuggled a moment longer. Not that I minded. We should get up, but I didn’t want to be anywhere else. I wondered if I could ever get used to it, or if every morning we were together would be as unreal as the first.
A few minutes later, we were together in the bathroom. Roys had a spare toothbrush, and we grabbed a five-minute shower, seeing as Roys had broken into another sweat. By the time we were ready in the breakfast area, the others were waking. Arana had a knowing look. She sat across from me moments prior to Zavir. He had nothing to say because he wasn’t quite awake, nor did anyone else since they did not know I never returned to my room last night. My commlink blinked.
Arana:Nice night?
Lucky:None of yourbusiness.
She could believe whatever she wanted. If Roys were up to the task, we absolutely would have stayed up all night fucking. I wasn’t complaining, though. Being together, sharing a bed, waking to his warmth and his scent all around me and my hand in his hair; that had always been a dream. A reality I would never meet and feigned never to wish for. Now it was real and ours, if we wanted it to be.
Malwin though, I did not know what to do there, what to think, if that was a future I could be a part of. Kids were… easy to break and difficult to mend.
From the sounds of it, Malwin had a real childhood. Roys’ life as a military officer, a captain at that, put him and Dinah on a military base for family members. They were protected and had more access to schooling, housing, and health benefits than any place like the colonies; that was for certain. The military nabbed plenty of the desperate from their promise of family benefits alone.
“Lucky.” Ryker slapped my back. I sat at an empty table. Everyone walked to the exit with Ryker canting his head. “Time to go.”
