Roys gave a tired but teasing smile. “I think I’ve proven I break the rules rather frequently, particularly when it comes to you.”
“What can I say? I’m irresistible.”
“You are.” He brought my hand to his lips, where he kissed every knuckle. I couldn’t hide my shudder, and he smiled. “I’ll say that was a shudder of repulsion for your sake.”
“Itwasrepulsion.”
He blew a raspberry. My lie was utterly meaningless. Roys saw something in me from thestart, a belief I didn’t have in myself, and now he saw what I sought to hide. Being so exposed to anyone, even him, brought on panic.
What the fuck were we doing? How did we even get here?
“Why did you agree to sleep with me?” I asked. Now more than ever, I needed an honest answer even if it wouldn’t change the road we were traveling.
“What?”
“I thought I annoyed you, but you were pretty eager in the cave, and you agreed to… this.”
The bridge of his nose wrinkled, then softened. “You have always gotten on my nerves, but not for the reasons you always believed. I already told you that your records impressed me, and then I met you.” His tone was lighthearted, and I snorted. He moved to face me slightly; the chair creaked under his weight. “Your waste of potential annoyed me, but I was envious too. You were good while I scraped my way to the title of captain by the skin of my teeth, then you wouldn’t listen to me, and what right do I really have to order you around?”
“Seriously?” I gawked at him. “You honestly thought I was…”
“Better than me,” he finished, donning a half smile. “Well, almost. You are annoying, but somehow, you have infected me, and now I find that rather endearing.”
“I guess there is something seriously wrong with you.”
We shared a laugh, and I wondered what it would be like to make this our norm, to hear his laugh every day and be the one who caused it. I wanted to be the reason for every laugh line he’d ever have.
“Yeah, because I still thought you were,” he gave me a slow once-over that shouldn’t have made my breath hitch, “needlessly hot, aggravatingly so, really.”
Hearing Roys say that aloud made my heart skip. It wasn’t like I needed him to say it. I was well aware of how attractive I was. That trait obviously helped get in Roys’ pants, but it was still differenthearingwhat he thought of me.
“We’re never truly alone out here, but it gets lonely, and the thought of having a connection, even if it’s just sex, was tempting. Especially after the cave. I thought we were going to die, that I wouldn’t see Malwin again. Dinah would get a notice of my death and have to explain that to him. Maybe he’d hate me for always being away, for dying without saying goodbye, for anything, and you were there being frustrating, but you were scared too.”
My shoulders rolled. “Was I that obvious?”
“We were both shaking the whole time and your eyes, they were terrified.”
I didn’t remember that. Looking back on it though, with the memories so far away, I thought of the times Roys had been shivering and maybe that had less to do with the temperature and more to do with our dilemma.
“Fear is a powerful emotion,” he said. “We got lost in it, and having someone help us forget couldn’t be passed up. It was comforting. I thought it still could be, or at least make the days easier.”
“Yeah.” Those were precisely my thoughts. “You know, my… my parents died in the mines. That’s why I, uh, I don’t like that. I wouldn’t go back down. I don’t… to go out like that, it’s not right.”
“It isn’t.” Roys leaned over the console to kiss my cheek. “I’m sorry. I wish you and Maddy had never gone through that. It must have been tough without them.”
“It’s a little irritating that you always know what to say during times like this, and I can barely give a comforting hug.”
“I am far more of a mess than you can believe, so stick around and you’ll learn. All things considered, I think accepting your suggestion turned out to be a pretty good decision.”
I couldn’t reply even if I wanted to. My mind was a haze of danger, three little words yearning to slip out.
Grinning, Roys glanced over his shoulder. “You passed the landing site.”
“Shit.” I tugged my hand away and turned us around, ignoring the sensation of Roys watching me, or how he rested his hand back on my leg for the brief time it took to land.
037
Withtheshuttlesettled,Roys stood to kiss my cheek. Quick. Simple. Breathtaking. My mind was a worthless puddle of goo. After slipping on his visor, the cabin doors opened. Roys left, clueless about how he utterly ruined me.
